Friday, December 31, 2004

You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

So, I'm going to go ahead and prove my looserness by going to bed before the ball drops, because I don't care. You can just pretend to kiss me at midnight, maybe I will dream of you.

Sarah Jo

My mouth tastes like mineral water.

I had an incredibly vivid dream last night. I could feel the elevators moving, feel my stomach do that little flip when I can see myself leaving the ground (these elevators were the see-through kind) Our travel group from china was there, and I remember trying to change a baby, and failing. Strange dream, but so clear. Ashley had new bedsheets, they had the alphabet on them. And there were new curtains on the windows that apparently I had sewn because they were crooked and one was too short, but everyone pretended not to notice. And there were things all over my bed like clothes, books, random objects, but instead of cleaning it off, I just slept around all the objects. I remember dragging my comforter off of my bed. I could even feel the feathers adjusting themselves as I pulled it around my shoulders, dragged it behind me down the hallway. And everything, everything I dreamed, comes from a real memory, recent too. My brain has put the last few weeks in a dicer, and spread the results across my dream.

I do not think I have had a dream so close to reality before.
I want my fantasy land.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Orions belt on my left knee.

So I walk into my bedroom tonight and my first thought is: mmm, my room still smells like my candle (that I got at target. It's black and it says "sandalwood" is the scent, but it smells like guy perfume and that's yummy) and then to my horror I realize that I left my candle burning the whole time I was at work! I could have burned the house down. Yeah, I feel stupid.

My fingers and toes are cold. That reminds me of my senior picture where you can see my toes and they are all curled up because the lady made me stick my toes out and I didn't want to because I don't like feet. But, that turned out to be my favorite picture because it is so real, my fake smile and curled-up toes. Memories, ah.

I read this again today and it made me smile. As I read it, I thought of who I wrote each line for. It made me happy (I almost wrote hoppy) to think about all the people I love and why I love them. I should say that more, and hug more too because hugs are awesome.

I cleaned my room and now I feel all . . . well, the way I feel when my room is clean. Theres not a word. I feel content and more comfortable when all the clutter is gone, and the feeling you get after you finish a big project you were procrastinating on, and the feeling you get when you come home after being gone for a long time.

I feel like my brain has turned to sludge. Am I thinking slower or something? I need to do something challenging to get all those circuts firing again. I feel like a car that hasn't been turned on for a long time.

Today I watched the movie, Code 46. There is a man in the movie and he says, "Tell me anything about yourself, anything at all." and from that he can know anything about you, and he would know what everyone was thinking. I sure wish someone could know what I was thinking. Well, maybe not. It would be nice and horrible at the same time, I think.

I sure like pink.

And my fingers are still cold.

Right now I am trying to decide which pajamas to wear tonight. I really like my pajamas, all of them. I think I'll wear the moons and stars. Not that this matters to you at all.

Today, I wore the pearls I got in China. It made me feel pretty.

I'm so very happy, right now. I wish you could be here with me and I could hug you and then you could feel my happiness too. I always think that if I could transfer my emotions to you, a hug would be the best way.

I thought I lost my robot city books, and then I found them. Surprise!

The quality of this entry decreases with each new line.

I love you.

Sarah Jo

"Running from you is what my best defense is"

Last night I realized that I have not written poetry in a long time. That makes me sad. No, see, its so different than sad. I could write a poem about how not writing poetry makes me feel but I can't write a poem at the present time.

And I don't want to say the same things over and over, but I am feeling the same things over and over. And even if I wrote you a poem about how much I love you, can I not express to you everyday that I love you?

I'm feeling so frustrated and fragmented. This is where I communicate better. When I am there standing in front of you, the words do not come and I feel so frightened and awkward. And sometimes I am so comfortable with you, but other times the air is thick and I wonder what you are thinking and I want to tell you what I am thinking, but I am just so scared. If I tell you what I am thinking, it makes me so vulnerable, and I'm terrified that you will hurt me. That even as you say you love me you will hurt me. Its so much easier to write my poetry and hide it away, hide myself away and be safe. But it is so much lonelier that way too.

And the other day, I hated what you said. I wanted to rail against you and fight with you and tell you how wrong you were and how much that statement hurt me and how long I would remember those words. But no, I sat there in silence, adding more space between us and building up my defenses. I love you SO much, and I won't even tell you when you upset me.

Even now, I do not tell you.
How will I ever know anyone?

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

That story about Rachel Evil calling sound-off.

Random: I was at the Frisches in Springboro (I go there like, once every four or five weeks) and I see my best friend from seventh and eighth grade in the parking lot. She lives in Indiana, where she is going to college, so consequently; she is only in Ohio because it is Christmas. What are the chances? I do not know. I only know that I didn't even recognize her. I was walking through the parking lot with Ashley, telling her some story that involved me talking with a country accent when I noticed some woman staring at me. I just started talking quieter, assuming she was staring because of the way I was talking. It did not phase me much anyway, being used to people staring at me in China. Then the woman says, "Is your name Sarah?" I look at her suspiciously and reply, "Yes." I look from her to the woman she was with, back to her. Lightbulb! Happiness and other things and wow.

I would like to thank vegetable soup for this wonderful encounter.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

"I've thrown away so many things that could have been much more" -Relient K

My luggage came! See, I knew it would. And I'm done being excited about that now.

Spent some quality time with the Bro today. It was nice. We went to Walmart and then Kmart and then home and then back to Walmart. Fun Stuff. And on the way home from Walmart the second time, we were listening to Relient K. This pleased me very much because James asked to listen to it. I have successfully converted BOTH of my brothers to the gospel of RK. Anyway, we were just driving there in the dark, singing out loud, comfortable enough with each other to do so, and I realized that, at some point, I had stopped loving him, and at that point, I loved him again. I don't know if it was time, or events that made me stop loving him, but I did. Of course, it never happened all at once or dramatic enough for me to notice it. I did not love my brother yesterday or even this morning. I wanted him to go away and never ever come back. But now, I want him to move out, but I do not want him to go away and never come back. I want him to grow up and get a job and stop drinking and doing drugs and partying, but I want these things for him because I want him to be happy and safe.

Well, now I've got to burn a gazillion cds with my china pictures for everyone because thats cheaper than developing them. Let me know if you want one, I've got fifty cds and no other use for them.

Sarah Jo

"Pickles should be friends, not lovers."

I got a new duvet cover on eBay! Go look at it! AND. . . with my Christmas dinero, I got the Harry Potter books and Movies, my daddy got me the LOTR books, um. . . others include: the Giver (book), Much ado about nothing (movie), The Fifth Element (cus I'm a crazy wierdo who has to watch it like, once a month. (Oh yeah, thank you SO much Ashley darling)), and one very fluffy, very warm and comfy, down comforter. Oh my gosh, like I need more incentive to stay in bed. And I just remembered I got two new outfits from the Bug, but thats too girly and typical for me to go into (but they are awesome cute) Ahem.

*Is Happy*

And I got to just hug Emilie for ever and ever the last few days, and I missed her mucho.

No luggage yet, but I assume it still exists and that I will have it eventually, and thats enough for me.

I dreamt about a black hole.

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be getting dressed.
Excuse me.

Sarah Jo

Monday, December 27, 2004

See, I was there. Posted by Hello

Seven Chinese babies, five santa hats, one red couch, and ten cameras. Priceless. Posted by Hello

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Kaitlynn, the big ham. She's a show off for the camera. Posted by Hello

Thats one of those toilets that sprays water at your. . .  Posted by Hello

Um, Buddha with little Buddha's crawling on him? Posted by Hello

It says, "Don't come in please" Posted by Hello

See Ashley, there ARE fat people in China. This statue, for instance. Posted by Hello

Bikes, lots and lots of bikes. Posted by Hello

Chinese Bamboo Grafitti Posted by Hello

Does anybody care?

This is too much work. If anybody cares I'll finish, but man I wrote a lot. I think I would rather just get together with you and talk to you about it. Okay?

So, I went to bed at 7 o'clock last night and I woke up at 5 this morning. Nice. But that means I have to spend hours alone with no one to talk to, so I'll type.

Let me tell you the story of my last couple of days. So, there we are in Tokyo (Narita Airport?) trying to figure out where it is we are suppose to go or what it is we are to do next. Eventually, we ended up in the check-in line for Japan airlines (very nice, by the way) and we were told that we could not sit together on the eleven hour flight home. Joanie told them that she paid for three seats and she wanted them all together. So, after lots of typing on the computer and a phone call, the lady told us that she had three seats together, but they were bulkhead (very front row of a section.) This made me happy because that means no one can lay their seat back onto my lap. This made Joanie unhappy because in bulkhead the armrests don't go up (and that's a bit uncomfortable for us ummm. . . fluffier folk) Well anyway, when we boarded the plane we discovered that we had been upgraded to business class. Oh man, how nice is that? The seats layed ALL the way down. They had foot rests and everything. They were like recliners. That was a very nice eleven hours.

But, when we arrived at Chicago, we discovered that all flights to Dayton had been canceled for the day and that the waiting list for flights after that would leave us in Chicago until after Christmas. I cried. I just wanted to go home. So we had to go stand in a customer service line forever and we found out that all flights to Cincinnati and Columbus were booked until after Christmas also. There was no way we were going home that day. Ug. Finally, we decided to fly into Indianapolis the next day and have our family drive out to get us.

I have never been more happy to see Ashleys face. And I have hugged everybody excessively. Well, not everyone obviously, I haven't seen so many of you. Oh but hugs are the best. Its like, maybe if I squeeze you hard enough you'll know how much I need you.

When we arrived home, they had a Christmas eve/ kaitlynn b-day/ welcome home party. I wasn't feeling very friendly at the time, so Ashley and I hid in the bedroom most of the time. Eventually, I started crying because I just wanted to go home and sleep and not socialize. I have never been so tired.

cue normal Christmas here.

And here we are at today again.
Lessons learned in China:
Getting up early and eating breakfast are both good things for me.
Diet Coke is just as good as Chinese Coke, so why not just drink diet?
Not eating after seven o'clock is a good thing.
If I can walk through the streets of Changsha, I can handle my neighborhood, I need to walk more.
Naps are a bad thing.
I live in a consumer society, and I am addicted to buying things.
Yogurt is good.
pineapple juice is awesome.
Music makes me happy, and two weeks without my choice of it made me sad.
Something can be completely different from what I know and have experienced, and not be wrong.
I should enjoy the simple things, like ice (and my super-fast internet connection)
American money looks funny.
One yuan is equal to 11.8 cents.
Being stared at by masses is flattering and disconcerting.
I STILL want to adopt a baby from china.
China and Japan are way ahead of the U.S. in conservation and recycling efforts.

Im sure there are more, but now I want to post pictures.

Sarah Jo

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Oreos, 12 yuan. Posted by Hello

Coke and Sprite, Respectively. Posted by Hello

Day Two (Friday, Dec. 10th)

(Here in my Journal I wrote a lot of detail about the exchanging money, the panda phone, and breakfast, and who cares, really?)

At ten, we went to the Temple of Heaven. I stood on the center stone and shouted "something." It was beautiful. The center stone is a place that makes your voice resonate. I especially enjoyed watching the groups of Chinese people singing, dancing, playing cards, knitting, and playing ball.

As we left the Temple of Heaven, Chinese men and women swarmed around us trying to sell their wares. "Rolex! Five American Dollars!" "Beijing Book? Beijing Book?" "Kites! Hello! Kites!" One little old Chinese lady came up to me, touched my arm, smiled hugely, and said "Fat!" She looked for all the world like a child, amazed at a circus animal, saying her first word. And then she and others laughed. Our little group was followed to the bus by the insistent vendors.

We ate lunch at a Thai restaurant. The table had a big, spinning, disk in the center where they placed large plates of food. You would just spin the disk around to get something from each disk. We had rabbit (gross), chicken (not terrible but not good either), beef (tasty, but probably not beef), and duck (very good). I even tried the tea.

Before we left, we all flocked to the restroom. To our horror and amazement, they had squatty potty's with just one western style toilet. I waited for the toilet.

After this, we headed to Tiananmen Square. The Chinese there openly stared at us as we walked by. We also encountered more vendors and beautiful kites soaring overhead.

At the entrance to the forbidden city, our coordinator went somewhere and we stood waiting for her as people began to gather around us, just staring. Brenda food a picture of the people staring at us, and they just stared more. They kept point to my hair. Some crippled men came over begging for money. It was heartbreaking. They got so close and would not leave. It was just amazing to be stared at like that. Inside the forbidden city, some teenagers began posing in front of me and taking pictures. When we left the forbidden city, one man stood next to me while a woman took our picture. It was strange and a bit scary.

As we walked to the bus, we encountered a woman and two children begging. It was all I could do not to cry.

When we arrived back at the hotel (4:30) we immediately fell asleep ( as we found out later, so did the rest of the group), the jet lag still clinging to us.

Oh yes, on our many bus rides, I saw McDonald's, KFC, Fridays, Subway, Starbucks, and Pizza Hut.

(I know I have only typed out day two, but it is five a.m (stupid jet lag) and my fingers hurt from typing so much. I'll add some more tomorrow. Love you.)

Sarah Jo

Chinese Lady Singing at Temple of Heaven. Posted by Hello

Thai Resturaunt. Posted by Hello

Squatty Potty Posted by Hello

(VERY LONG) Day One (Wednesday, Dec.8 and Thursday, Dec. 10th)

Our first day started at 2:45 a.m. After getting dressed and dragging the luggage our to the Durango, we headed towards Jeanie's house. About halfway there, (running late at this time) we were pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. The police officer was very suspicious of us, but he let us go with a warning. We then picked up Jeanie, Lauren, and Elisabeth, and Jeanie drove us to the airport. We checked in, got our boarding passes, and said our goodbyes to the girls.

At security, we had to remove our shoes and coats and jackets. We both walked through the metal detector and into the wrong line. We went to the line for people who made the metal detector beep, so they had to wand us. My shirt had rhinestones on the front and kept making the metal detector go off when the wand was near my chest. Because of this, the lady had to pat me down. Later, I told Joanie that I always thought the first person to touch my chest that way would be a boy. Okay, stop laughing at me.

I began to get nervous as we were waiting at the gate. I had never flown before. When it was time, I walked onto a VERY small jet. The seats were two on each side of the aisle, and if you sat by the window, you had to tilt your head because the wall curved up toward the ceiling. The flight was not scary at all and very short.

We arrived in Chicago at 6:30 a.m. Chicago time (the same time we left) (7:30 a.m. our time) and our next flight was not until 5 hours later. The next plane we boarded was extremely large. There were two aisles down the plane with three seats on each edge and four in the middle. The flight was going to be 13 hours long. This flight (Japan Airlines) was much better than our united flight earlier. There were t.v. screens in the back of every seat with movies, games, a map of our flight, and out side camera views. I watched elf. I discovered I really like the Japanese juice, Yuzu.

The flight was SO long. About five hours into it, my legs were burning with the need to move. I felt like I was in a cage. I NEEDED to stand up. I HAD to walk around. But, eventually the flight was over, and the flight was just a memory.

We arrived in Tokyo on Thursday at 4:30 p.m. (4:30 a.m. our time, I think) with only an hour layover. By this time, we had met everyone in our travel group, and we all stood together at the gate.

Our four hour flight to Beijing is still a little vague because I was drifting in and out of consciousness the entire flight. I was SO tired. (By this time, it had been more than 24hrs. Since I woke up in Ohio.)

At the Beijing airport we had to go through customs. I was very amused to stand in the "foriengers" line. After customs, we met our coordinator, Genie, and took a bus to the hotel. We arrived at Hotel Kun Lun at 11 pm China Time (10 am our time.) The room was very nice, but I did not get to appreciate that very much as I fell into an exhausted sleep.

Friday, December 24, 2004

I'm Home

Im tired, and Ill tell you all about it later. Can I see you soon?

Sarah Jo

Sunday, December 19, 2004

I dreamt I was a figure skater.

It feels so strange to be in the minority. People gawk at us in the streets and beggars flock to us. I guess that because we are americans, we are rich or something. Shopkeepers leave their shops to try to coax us inside. People take our pictures. This is all so strange to me.

Right now I am enjoying a good cup of hot chocolate. I miss milk though. I cannot drink the milk here, its not pasturized. Oh, and ice. Never thought I would miss ice.

I do try to take everything in. I go on every outing offered us. Why would I come all the way to china to sit in the hotel?

Today I bought a jade necklace for 380 yuan. I thought it was worth it. Our cooridinator, Genie, says jade is supposed to protect you from harm. I shall wear it until I get home.

I have been sitting here in the cafe for far too long. Time to shop some more! I find I do not get so homesick if I keep myself busy, and that I shall do.

Still missing you.
Sarah Jo

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Hello! Kites!

Im getting homesick. I miss everyone so much. I am having a very good time here, but its just not home. I want a hug like a physical ache, and from someone who'll squeeze me tight, like Dad or Betty. Right now, Im at the white swan hotel in Guangzhou. There are many little shops around here that I can buy stuff in. THe locals all speak english very well, and there are more americans with chinese babies than there are chinese people in the hotel. Well, I havent much time, but I just want to say I miss you all and I love you and I cant wait to see you again!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Ni Hao

I woke up this morning with a fever blister. As if I did not look wierd enough to the gawking chinese people, with my red hair, blue eyes, and freckles, now I have a swollen, protruding upper lip. I stared at it in the mirror this morning, it looks like the inside of a behive underneath the first layer of skin. All right, I know you dont care about the anatomy of my fever blister.

Did you know that chinese diet coke is called Coke Light? Or that you have the stick your room card in a slot in the wall for electricity in your hotel room? Or that Chinese Chips Ahoy are different? Or that nearly everyone here speaks english? Or that they smoke EVERYWHERE, like even in the elevator? Or that you can fit nearly twice as many people in an elevator if they are chinese? Or that it is not at all uncommon to see a westerner with a chinsese baby? Im sure there are more things, but I cannot think of any just now.

Im telling you these unimportant things because Im adding a Journal when I get home. Well, Im off.

Sarah Jo

Sunday, December 12, 2004

I hope this works.

Wow, everything in my browser is in Chinese. Okay so, when I typed out my journal to add here, the browser closed and I lost everything I had typed. So I am going to add things here that Im not putting in the journal, and then I'll add the journal when I get home to a familiar computer.

Today (Sunday) we flew from Beijing to Changsha. It was so beautiful flying over china. The mountains looked like they were covered in wrinkled suede. Oh, when we got on the plain, Joanie and I could not buckle our seat belts. When we asked for seat belt extenders, they moved us to the back of the plain. It was very embarrasing for all of those around us to know that we could not buckle our seatbelts, but the benefit was having an entire row to myself for the flight.

We walked about three blocks to the grocery store today. The traffic here is terrible. The people just walk and ride their bikes out in the road, weaving in and out of the swerving cars. Until this trip, I never knew you could fit so many bodies or so much stuff on a bicycle. So many of them, and so many cars. To avoid crossing the road on major intersections, there are stairs that go down into a tunnel that runs under the street and then stairs up again. It is like an underground cross walk. Very nifty. But, in the one we went in today, there was a begger boy that grabbed Joanies shirt and would not let go of her. There are beggers everywhere in Changsha. It just breaks my heart, and it scares me too.

The other day we ate in a Thai restuarant. The table had one of those disks in the center that spun the food around to everyone. They put all kinds of things one it and we tried a little of each thing. I really liked the duck, of all things.

Im having so many new experiences here, but they are good. THe culture shock did not set in until Changsha. Beijing is just so modern, much like an American city. I am most impressed by the conservation effort here. They conserve, save, recycle, everything. It is amazing and I think we have a lot to learn from them.

Well, if I say much more, there will be no need for the journal. When I add that, I will have a day by day list of events.

Until then, know that I am safe and happy and having a great time. I would love to hear from you if you want to drop me an email or a comment.

Goodbye and Goodnight. (Or goodmorning for you!)

Monday, December 06, 2004

Describing the color of my snot to a man with letters at the end of his name.

And now Im one some uber strong antibiotics because apparently I have a sinus infection. Eww. AND, if I have a fever when we reach China I will not be permitted to deplane.

In other news, what other news? All I think or talk about is China. My gosh. I have one more exam, and one more night in my bed, but not in that order. Ill sure miss my bed. And you of course, but I sleep with my bed every night. . .

You think theyll have internet cafes where I can write to you in China? I sure hope so. Two weeks without blogging? That sounds like a sin.

Im excited and nervous and stressed and over-studied and tired and sick and behind schedule. This is a pretty sucky goodbye.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I Heart Walmart

House-sitting means lots of things. First, I do not use the computer all night. Consequently, I do more constructive things, like homework. Second, no cigarette smoke, no brothers, no noise. Ashley and I are house-sitting together, so I get to spend lots 'o time with her, and that makes me happy. Also, the T.V. stays off like all the time. I sure hate television. Its like playing grown-up for a few days. Nice. Bad things: I smell like animals. I am starting to like the animals, scary. I miss my mommy. You really begin to appreciate a person after not seeing them.

I got my hair cut today. I mostly like getting hair cuts because someone plays with my hair for a good fifteen minutes. Beautiful. And I got stuff to pack for China, but I don't think I'll go into a list of them. Anyway, James helped me pick things out and that was fun. We went to Kmart first, and they didn't have what I wanted, but Walmart did and now I heart Walmart.

Soon, I need to pack up my things that I will take with me on the trip and then I need to leave for Lindas house, because Ashley gets off work at seven and I don't want her to have to sit there by her lonesome self. So. . . goodnight. Love ya lots.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Past, Present, Pish-Posh

Sickness, and the guilt and stress of procrastination weighs on me. And I have a headache. But, I am happy.

Went to see Surviving Christmas with Ashley and James. Then went to Barnes and Noble for the book Prodigy, but they did not have it, so I got two-book set of books from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and Quidditch Through the Ages. Ashley and I purchased it together. We shall share. I got Fantastic Beasts first. Pretty cool because it has little notes in the margins that are supposed to be from Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Thats awesome. Well, I did not need it, but I found myself in a bookstore with money and I could not walk out empty-handed. The problem was, you see, that all of the books I wanted were on my Christmas list so I could not buy them today, lest I should get another copy on Christmas day, you know? So this is how I have books from Hogwarts but not a single Harry Potter book. Funny Stuff.

I'm typing really well tonight and this makes me proud of myself and I just want to type more but I do not have anything of any import to say. I could tell you how I feel, but thats just temporary and, in this blog, over-documented. I don't want to repeat myself but I don't want to just list my days activities either. I want to be real and honest, but if I am to be real, than I cannot be interesting all the time. People are boring sometimes, and so am I.

James and Ashley and I just sat in the living room talking about memories and good times today. It was really nice, remembering. It is also nice, anticipating. I do not think I spend enough time just enjoying the moment. Like at work the other day when I was standing on the side of the road in an elf suit, laughing, that was beautiful and fun. One day I will mourn for today, so I should make the best of it now.

Alas, I have soo much homework to do that the thought of it makes me feel sick. I cannot believe I waited this long. A good evening to you all.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Monday, November 29, 2004

Well, at least your breath smells good.

Yesterday I dressed up like an elf while at work. My manager was Santa Clause. We went out to the roadside and waved at people. I had the best time. Mr. Regensburg drove by, that was awesome. Fun times.

Eww, but today, I am sick. I do not like it much, but it will pass soon.

I got two estimates on my car today. One place said it would be $731 and the other place said $540. I need to get one more estimate and Ill send copies to the mad who hit me. Maybe he will pay. Maybe he won't.

Christopher has been suspended from school again. He drank an entire bottle of cologne on a dare. Idiot. I just don't know about him sometimes.

Yes, and that would be all the interesting things I have to say for the day.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, November 25, 2004

"I'm not sick but I'm not-" BOOM!

The food at Charlottes house was awesome. I enjoyed it much. After we ate, we sat around the table and talked for a long while and for the first time if felt like everyone saw me as an adult. Grandpa got all teary-eyed talking about God, and it warmed my heart. I love to hear Grandpa talk about God, it is reasuring. I felt like I had a place for once. After sitting and talking for a long while, I left with James and Chris in my car.

We were going to Jeanies house to help make dinner. On the way there, there was a traffic backup because of an accident. It was such a coincidence because I went a different way than I usually go, and the accident was blocking the road I usually take, so we could get through. Up ahead, people were stopped for some reason, and I had to brake pretty hard. I didn't slam on the breaks, but it was a fast stop. Then the whole car jumped forward; I had been rear-ended. My brother, Christopher, jumps out of the car with the intention of beating up the person who rear-ended us, but I grabbed his shirt and it ripped. Anyway, as it turns out, my bumper is a little scratched up, but the other cars front end is just destroyed. Awesome. Because the last thing I needed was to worry about car repairs. And so, the other guy doesn't have insurance, but I have unisured motorist, so my car will be paid for. Yeah, but Chris started crying and saying his back and head hurt, the drama queen. Everyones fine. My mom totally freaked, as expected. Now I have a story to tell.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Probably The Best Sarah In The World.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I certainly won't admit that, and I'm mad too, weather everyone is on her side or mine. I am not her personal taxi, ready to do her bidding at any time of the day. We wouldn't even have this problem if dad would get her a car, well, I know that's a bad idea too. But, I just hate driving her around. She wants to go to Carlisle and Franklin and back to Middletown and just swing by here and stop by there and it will only take a minute but it always takes hours before the whole process is done. And she always uses her mother as an excuse to make me feel guilty, to goad me into it. But, we never just go to grandma's house. We go to Penny's and the Palace and Pauls and the bank and here and there and oh my gosh I just want to go home. And now she tries to make me feel guilty because I had the audacity to tell her no, god forbid. And its working. But come on, you just don't wake a person up and expect them to cheerfully do as you bid. Its okay for James and Chris to sleep in till two in the afternoon, but heaven forbid I sleep past ten o'clock. I only have one day of the week when I am off school, and then I have to work. So this day, this one day, I had no obligations that required me to rise from my bed, and then she wakes me up and asks me to drive her to grandma's. I tell her not right now, later. She goes on and on and on. My goodness, leave me alone, I just woke up, go away, just go away. And right now she is going on about how much she does for me and how I don't appreciate her and I treat her so badly and . . . Dad agrees. Huff. Just Huff. I would leave except there is no where for me to go after midnight. I feel trapped and angry and hurt. Why must there be this continuing guilt inducing drama fit? I HATE DRIVING HER AROUND! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And I cannot wait until I can move away and live by myself with no people to worry about. Just leave me alone and go away. Go far, far, away.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Mmmm Scones

Today, I spent at least forty minutes sitting in a coffee shop just reading, drinking hot chocolate (because hot chocolate is for cool people) and eating a cinnamon chip scone, yummy. I was a beautiful, beautiful forty minutes. You should go there; it was called Java Johnnys and it is located in the same plaza as Capozzi's on central avenue. Or better yet, we could go together and we could sit and talk together over a couple of scones or biscotti, whatever your pleasure it. Yes, definitely soon.

and. . . there is this cool company called Neighborhoodies and I heart them. Its basically where you can design your own shirt or hoodie. It looks so fun. I want to get a couple. One is definitely going to say something about relient K, and the other will say something about me. But what should it say? Any suggestions? I was thinking maybe Geek Chick or abs(me) or some such. Im not completely sure, but suggestions would be greatly appreciated. What should I have written across my chest? Haha, okay, Ill let you think on that one.

And Creepy-crawly bugs too.

Ug, girly guy-liking feelings and I hate them. I wish they would go away, along with my allergies, because I hate my nose itching too.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Tommu Soup, Godiva Cheesecake, Quidditch, Ugly Golf Shoes, Pancakes, ect. . .

Yesterday was awesome (yesterday being Monday.) From the moment I first opened my eyes to the moment I drifted off into unconsciousness, it was beautiful. Not a bad thing happened, not one. And so many fun things happen. It is nice how much fun just spending time together can be, whether that is sitting in my car talking or watching Harry Potter on the big screen in your basement. I got to spend time with a whole bunch of people yesterday, more than I would have thought so. In this order I saw: Ashley, Tommy, Ashley, James, Mom, Ashley, Joanie, Charles, Elisabeth, Jeanie, Lauren, Ben, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. It was awesome. AND. . . I got to go to the cheesecake factory! AND, I got to shop at salvation army. AND, I got to watch two Harry Potter Movies. AND, I finally got the flight plans for China. I mean, come on, can you think of something better?

Today, I had an exam, that was extremely easy (maybe too easy, but I'll have to wait to see on that one.) So, I got to leave class early. James and I went to Goodwill, where I purchased a desk lamp (that I've been needing) a bunch of plastic sticks, (perfect for rock candy making) a pair of pants for James, and a big foofy petticoat! Then, we went out to lunch at Chick-fil-a, and then we went to the library and UDF (I made him sit in the car for that part) and then we made rock candy. After that, I went upstairs to write in my blog. I wrote, "Yesterday was awesome. . . "

Sarah Jo
a.k.a abs(Sarah)
a.k.a Slavery Jo

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Our Conversations change from words to "blah blah blah"

Rachel is home and I get to see her and that makes me happy because I heart her. And Ashley is on her way over right now, and that makes me happy too. Oh, Ashley Clay. And James and Chris are gone for the moment, happiness. I don't have to work again till friday and even then I get off by noon, happiness. No school wed thru sat, happiness. Im now comfortable with leaving for china on December 8th, happiness. So, maybe the world can be butterflies and rainbows even if there are not happy things going on too. Sorry about my. . . no, I'm not. I can be things other than happy without apologizing for it. The situation here is unacceptable and I wont pretend it is. But right now Im happy. Sleepy, and happy.

More complaining from my end.

Lately I feel like I am drowning in the sadness, and it is inescapable. I cannot handle all these things at once, I want them one at a time. Im not happy. I said, I am not happy. Im screaming this and they don't listen to me, they pacify me and promise it will all get better. Your words do not sooth me if they are not followed by action. I am not happy. I am frustrated and angry and hurt, everday. Every Single Day. And it all started when HE got here, and I dont like it, and I dont like him.

Just goodbye.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Hear that? Thats the sound of a good grape.

I just watched Tuesdays with Morrie. Now, I dont cry over movies, but this movie made me cry. I cried at the part where they said goodbye for the last time. It made me sad because I never got to say goodbye to my grandpa like that, he was unconcious for the last week. I dont even remember the last time I saw him while he was awake. I miss him so much. Its so strange how I didnt miss him so much at first, I never saw him more than once or twice a month. BUt, I never ever went this long without seeing him.

WHat do I do when the pain doesnt get any better and no one wants to talk about it? Why cant we talk about death without getting uncomfortable. I love him still, even if he is gone, maybe more now that he is gone. I can cry and cry and never feel any better about it. I miss him. And there are no words for what I would want to say.

Just make it go away, please.

"Red Like Your Head"

So, I was listening to that mix cd you made me, today. Consequently; I thought of you all day long. And then I saw this lady in a Lumina that was the same color as your Monte Carlo and her hair was the same shade as yours and she looked like you and I was amazed. And it made me miss you.

But anyway, Im in a much better mood now.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Yeah, I said it.

Well, I was in a good mood for about five whole minutes. THen, I spent two minutes with Christopher. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to stay here and I dont want to leave. I cant leave right now, I've got so many things to do. . . Why cant he just behave? Or why cant my parents follow through with a punishment? I mean, really. If the kid gets suspended from school you dont let him have friends over for the weekend, it just doesnt make sense. He is failing his classes and he is cutting himself and he is out of control and they just let him do what he wants. I feel like Im the only one concerned here. I do this becasue I love him. I dont want him spending time with the people he skipped school with. I dont want him hanging out with the boy who sells him tobacco. I love him and I want the best for him. If he doesnt straighten up he is going to do something stupid with lasting effects. They say he is just a boy and that boys do these things. Well, hes going to have a hard life if he doesnt go to college, and hes not going to go to college with a D average. "Boys will be boys" I dont accept that and it angers me. Gender does not excuse behavior. Can we just throw away the double standard and start over? We need rules: If you do this, this will happen. Well, he did this, consequences now need to happen.

Whatever. Ill just sit here and watch him hurt himself for the next several years. Good luck.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

It was PMS.

Sadness. Turns out we are leaving for china a week later than I had planned. That means that I have to change all my plans with the Profs, again. Darnit. And I dont want to wait another week. Im sad. Dont talk to me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Cake IN ice cream?

So, I managed to lock my keys in my car today. That was no fun. And consequently, I locked myself out of my room. I managed to get Christopher to break into my room for me, since he obviously knows how. (And while he was breaking into my room I noticed rows of red lines on his arm that looked an aweful lot like cut marks. Um. . why?)

At the moment, I am waiting for my parents to get home with the spare key so I can go back to Joanies house. Yeah.

I had so much fun with Elisabeth last night; we had a real heart-to-heart. It was like talking to an adult, almost, you know except, a lot more fun. Fun times.

I'm sleepy.
I'm listening to music while I type. I do not usually do this because I cant think well enough to write, and I keep typing the lyrics and erasing them. "Stuck watching our lives blow up. . ."

Well, I'll just make sure and use parentheses when I feel the urge to type the lyrics. Of course, I cant type the music because it will all look like "duh nuh nuh duh nuh duh nuh nuh nuh" Yeah.
"knowin that youll save me"

Coherent thought will be forthcoming.
For some reason we have confetti-cake flavored ice cream in our freezer. I tried it. Now, I never have to eat it again. If something tastes like confetti cake, which it did, it should feel like confetti cake too, you know?
"Death and decay cant touch us now!"
It was schwans brand ice cream.
"Every breath that I inhale is followed by exhaling"
Sarah Jo

MORE drama. . . ug.

So, I took Chris' wireless internet hub thingy so that he could not access the internet anymore. This made him very mad and he came into my room and told me as much. I told him that if he wanted to use the internet, he should pay the bill.
He needs to do his homework, he says.
The library is down the street, I say.
I don't have a library card, he says.
Its only two dollars to replace it, I say.
I don't have two dollars, he says.
Sounds like a personal problem, I say.
Give it back, he says.
Give it back.
. . .
Me: DO you really belive that repeating the same sentance over and over is an effective argument? Do you think thats going to make me change my mind?
Give it back.
Get out.
Give it back.

Whereupon I try, unsuccesfully, to push him out. Then, I just packed my bag and left, taking the modem with me. No one is getting on the internet at the house without me.

Drama Drama Drama.
And Im staying the night at Joanies house again.

Sarah Jo.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Either its PMS or life sucks.

I've cried twice in two days, respectively, and I havent cried in a long while. First, my two pairs of "work" shoes (brown and black, of course) broke and I didnt have any money to buy new shoes or any shoes I could wear to work. Then, last night I went into the bathroom [Insert something graphic here] in the bathtub and I was completely disgusted. Stupid older brother. Cant he rinse the bathtub out? Consequently, mom bleached the bathtub this evening.

Then, I had to cut my brothers off from the internet because Christopher didn't pay his half of the bill, and my mother goes through the trouble of finding my hidden key to plug the internet back in so she could play yahoo games in Chris' room. I decide to then abolish the practice of key-hiding, as well as revoke the key I gave to my father to lock in the safe (in case I locked myself out of my room) Im going to put all my eggs in one basket (or all my keys on one ring) because its easier to protect one basket from the wolves. ANYWAY. . . I come up to my room and notice that someone has carved away the area around my doornob, making it easy to break into my room with a credit card. Why do I even try? Cant people just leave my things alone and stop stealing things? And I think that if everyone else in the house wants to use the internet, everyone else should help pay the bill, you know? I just feel so violated! How long has the door been like that? Whats wrong with me locking my room? Which brother had the nerve to carve away at my door? Oh my gosh, I need prozac.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

The Hot July Moon Saw Everything.

Im sitting here in my room not watching Stepford wives because my parents decided to start watching it before I got home from work. 48 minutes before I got home from work, to be exact. And this is supposed to be balanced by the fact that they saved the "better" movie to watch when I got home. Its a cop/shooting/illegal activity/chasing/shooting/blowing things up kind of movie. Not my favorite.

And, Im done whining.

On my way home from work tonight I was singing bad country music as loud as I could, " I try to think about Elvis, Memphis, . . . " Yeah, it was great. It reminded me of Ashley (Jelonek) and I on the ride home from columbus singing "Strawberry Wine" Wow, girls rock, dontcha think?

Friday, November 12, 2004

Oh, thats what the y chromosome does.

I just took my brothers and one of my brothers friends to UDF for milkshakes. The lady there was very rude to us. I normally ignore this until I get out to the car, but apparently James and his friend couldn't wait that long. James said, "Rude!" and the other guy made some pretty rude comments. YOu would think that two fully grown men would be mature enough to not behave like asses in public. Im so embarresed. How can I go back there again? Im certainly not taking them anywhere anytime soon. Stupid boys. Stupid Children.

How long has my fly been open?

I dreamt I was at a combination swim meet/speech giving contest. I was really stressed out. And then, I went home during the intermission and I had to fight zombies. I was winning (because I had a machine gun) until the zombie dalmations came after me. At this point, I locked myself into the pantry/utility closet with some random people. I woke up cold. Strange dreams.

Wow, Ive stayed up way too late reading poetry. Gnight.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Translucent Life

Light dances in the water droplets
on my fingertips
like beautiful
And some of the same
fall onto my cheek
heaven cries for me.
And passers-by
mutter under their breath
squeeze tighter
thier umbrellas
but I celebrate
the falling rivers
from the sky.

Jesus- The Founder of Modern Business

Im really just wasting time because I do not want to do my homework. Im so tired of homework.

My brother, Christopher, got caught chewing tobacco. Stupid head. Whats wrong with him? He told me hes been chewing tobacco for a year now. Im so disappointed in him.

And. . .

I made chicken fried rice today and it did not taste so good. Eww, I had to touch raw chicken and everything. And all for crappy chicken fried rice. I don't cook so well. Eh. Who cares?

Umm, and I paid five dollars to join some poetry website where you submit poetry and people review it and stuff. Except its not even worth it because then you have to review 7 peoples poetry for each one poem you wish to submit and pay five dollars a month. Come on, I can post poetry on here for free. So what if no one reviews it. The people reviewing my poetry on that site are just people doing seven reviews so they can post a poem too. Stupid internet. I could have eaten lunch with that five dollars. . .

Well, my history exam was not bad today. After class, I took my mom to her mothers house and I visited Elisabeth in the process. When I left she said, "I love you Say-Ah!" and I said, " I love you, Elisabeth." So she says, "Then you stay all night with me?" and I said, "No honey, I have homework to do." And she says, "You do homework at my house in you bedroom" That just breaks my heart. I sure love that child. Sigh.

Ah yes, I must do the homework now. Gosh darn it.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Life as a spectator sport.

Howard Keel died. Grief counseling will be available at my house all day Monday in person or by phone.

Will the fan club survive this tragedy?

I think Im going to go watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and cry myself to sleep now.

Sarah Jo

You can call me Alice, because that's my name.

Happiness. Its funny how when you want something, and you get it, like going to a concert for instance, it just makes you want it more often. Like, I saw Relient K in concert, and now I want more than ever to see them again. That just made it ten times harder. And even though I just saw you, I want to drive over to your house and spend some more time with you. Too bad other things get in the way. One day our schedules will cross paths again. The x and y axis have to meet somewhere, right? And that place is where all the exciting stuff happens.

So, I came home from work last night and Ashley Clay was at my house! Yayness. And she and Christopher were whispering about something and would not share with me what that something was. Then, James comes in the room and says, "Did you like your new chair?" That freak, he ruined the whole surprise. Anyway, thank you Ashley, thank you very much.

And then, we stayed up very late listening to Relient K, surfing the net, and talking about stuff. We woke up late. Then, after a long discussion of what to do with the day, we decided to go eat at Chi-Chis, except when we got there it was closed. So, we ate at Max and Ermas. We were going to go to the Danbarry Dollar Saver to see The village, but apparently it helps to find out what time movies start before just showing up. Yeah. Fun times.

I like seeing people. Its nice to be with friends.

Oh, I decided to wear a dress and jewelry today. Can you believe it? Its fun to play dress up, every once in while. But, I will never be one of those girls that spends two hours getting ready, fixing her hair and make-up. My hair is always out of control and frizzy. I don't care so much. And, I do not even own any make-up. My idea of putting on make-up is to use some tinted lip gloss, if its a special occasion. I just decided, if someone is more concerned with the way I look, than who I am, they are not the kind of person I want to spend time with anyhow. Appearances are temporary and fake, and they shouldn't matter. Even as I say this I know, appearances do matter to people, and I do care what people think about me. I sure hate it though, I really do.

New subject, I just wanted to express how much I hated my math test on Saturday. One of the questions was to list all the factors of 2160. You go ahead and do that, there are soooooo many, and Im not kidding. It took me forever. That's all I have to say about that.

A ladybug landed on me today and I got upset. It just reminded me of all those stupid cicadas. I just hate bugs.

Anyway, awesome weekend.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Remember when T-Sun ate that fly?

I love you because:

You make me want to be a better person.
You bring out the best in me.
You listen to me.
I can be me with you.
You always say the one thing I needed to hear.
You love me.
You make me laugh.
And smile.
I am not afraid to be mad at you.
You know me so well.
You do all the stupid things with me that no one else will do, like ride public buses and eat at stake and shake at midnight and dress up like pioneers and sew and make cantaloupe juice.
Everything you are.
You completely surprise me. Often.
Just thinking of you fills me with happiness.
Im comfortable with you.
You are beautiful ( and once again, I'm not talking about the physical.)
I cannot even put into words why I love you.
You anticipate me.
You reciprocate me.
Of who I am when I am with you.
You teach me things.
We learn together.
I can talk with you about weird things no one else understands.
I can talk with you about something as simple as my day or as complex as my relationship with God.
I like you.
Your intelligent.
I have known you for years.
I know you.
You are you.

I truly, truly love you.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

"I think you know what I'm gettin at"- RK

I am in the mood to say something really intimate, but I cannot think of anything. What could I say that I have not already said? What could I tell you that you do not already know? I would tell you anthing you asked me, well, except what the numbers on my calender mean.

"Somewhere in me, there is strength" - Relient K

This is hard. Here is this man that I have known all of my life, and all of my life he has been a stranger. I knew him every other weekend, and in the summer. Then he moved in with us, but a stranger, he remained. When he moved out, he all but disappeared and I saw him at Christmas and then for two minutes at thanksgiving when we took him a plate at work, and then at Christmas again. And now, here he is, living in the same house as me, and it is hard. It is difficult to share memories with a stranger. He still looks at me as a child, when I am the one who has done the growing up. He is everything I am not or would ever be. I love him and pity him at the same time. How does this work now? Do I still pretend I do not know what you do when you leave the house? Should I ignore all the bad things that you do?

And it is difficult to learn to live with someone knew, and this I have experience with. My younger brother and I were the only ones to ever come upstairs, so everything was just the way I wanted it, most of the time. But now he is here and there are a zillion things that he does that irritates me. I had finally gotten the other brother civilized, and now this. For instance, the clothes in the hallway, music loud with the door open, smoking in every room, squeezing the toothpaste from the top, leaving all kinds of random junk on the counter, not flushing the toilet. . . And OH MY GOSH, to top it all, he took my new handtowel from the bathroom sink, MY handtowel, the only one not located in my room, and he soils it by um. . . well anyway, I threw it away. Well, you better believe that I am not putting the other handtowel in the bathroom. I'll just wait until I get into my room to dry my hands now. Im so mad and disgusted. Out of all the towels in the whole house. . .

And his friend was here today. I put on my company face and said all the nice things one is supposed to say to strangers and smiled. They left together. I think he is staying all night with his friend again. Good. Very, very good.

I don't like boys.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake in-my-mouth.

Started out with me picking Ashley up for school. I sat through class, shifting in my seat and feeling antsy. Went home. Picked Ashley up from school. Went out to lunch with mom. Picked Ashley up for school. Well, and all kinds of other not important things. But then, we left for columbus. We ate a the Cheesecake Factory. That was fun. BUT, the concert was awesome. I sang as loud as I could. Oh man, I cannot wait for the next one. It was so worth everything. It was electric. I just love Relient K and the concert did not alleviate my Relient K excitedness. I am on that high I get after concerts. It will last for several days.

So, at the concert, the bassist, Brian, played his very last show with the band. It was sad and sweet. Matty T. hugged him. The band gave him a chain saw, because one summer when they were on tour, Brian said he was going to go home and buy a chainsaw and just cut stuff up all weekend. That was great. And at one point Matty hit Brian in the butt. I just thought that was cool. I knew all the songs they sang (even the new ones) except for Penny Loafer because that was on the All Work and No Play Cd that is no longer for sale, and I have never heard it before. [Insert Sad Face Here]

Ahh, but it was beautiful. God, I love that band. And we all got CDs too. Wowness. Its weird becasue there are no silly songs on this cd like on the other ones, but that is just fine with me because the more serious songs were always my favorite. It has a nice mixture of slow and high energy songs. I really love both. Its awesome when a song is about God and really high energy at the same time. And I swear, there is something really sexy about a man screaming out to God. At the concert they sang the song Am I Understood and at the part at the end when they scream, "Your voice has broken my defense, let me embrace salvation." I thought, now that is sexy. And guitar and drum playing guys are hot too. But, thats not why I like Relient K, thats just a perk.

So on to a different subject. I got home at almost 1am and everyone was asleep. When I went upstairs I heard a tv. It was coming from the spare bedroom. There, sleeping on the loveseat, was my 22 year old brother, James. I decided he had probobly gotten himself into trouble again and began my late-night routine.

After school I took my brother all around Middletown picking up and dropping off job applications. He is indeed out of a place of residence. We went out to lunch and got some movies at blockbuster. Everywhere we went, he kept pointing out all the hot guys (oh, he is gay, by the way.) and it made me realize that I do not look at that sort of thing. I am more likely to pay attention to the guy with the long hair and glasses wearing a LOTR shirt in the sci-fi section of the video store. I don't like "hot" guys. I like nerd, geeks, or what have you. They are safer. And Smarter. And Funnier. And more like me.

Oh! I voted! And I did not vote for any of those candidates that did not have anyone running against them. That made me mad. Why even have a vote? Those freaks. Ah well.

Note to self: Watch the news.

Do you think we will know who our next president will be this evening? I can't tell. I'll just wait and see. And I will be glad when it is over.

Sigh. Relient K. Heres a quote from the new cd. " No I don't hate you, don't wanna fight you. Know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you." Sounds like me when I am mad.

Hope to see those eyes of yours soon.

Sarah Jo

Sunday, October 31, 2004

I can see the scars on the moon.

If I could just make up my mind, this whole thing would be so much easier. I suppose I do not have to decide between one or the other if I never really get one or the other in the first place. I pretend to be so bold, and really, I am not. I should just tell you instead of making up these scenarios in my head of your would-be reactions. Ah, I am so prolific in my words, and barren in my actions. I never do what I ought. It is much easier to live in fiction and fantasies. I will place us together in my head. You will be there, just across the table from me, and we will talk together. I will tell you all the things I do not tell you and you will listen. Then, what do you say? I make up your response according to who I think you are. I could never guess what you might say next, never ever. I want to be like that. I want to have you leaning in toward me so you never miss a word. I want to captivate you with my sparkling originality, dazzle you with my ingenious comprehension of this or that.

Relient K said in their book, that all girls (and guys for that matter) want three things: To be known, to be accepted, and to be loved. This statement is true as far as I am concerned. But they also said that no person can give these things to you all the time, because people are not perfect. God offers these things. I will not go any further than that, because I am writing for my own benefit, and not yours. This is all I needed to hear/read.

It is amazing how low homework can fall on my priority list.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

You know whats funny? My mom trying to cuss in Pig Latin.

If I were a month, I'd be: January or October
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Sunday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 3 pm
I were a planet, I'd be: orbiting alpha centauri
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: an oyster
If I were a direction, I'd be: Northeast
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a bookcase
If I were a sin, I'd be: gluttony
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Emily Dickinson or Robert Frost
If I were a liquid, I'd be: hot chocolate
If I were a tree, I'd be a: Bamboo
If I were a bird, I'd be a: Emu
If I were a tool, I'd be: leveler
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: mini bonsai tree
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: windy
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a: mermaid or centaur
If I were a musical instrument,I'd be: a recorder
If I were an animal, I'd be a: Human
If I were a color, I'd be: sepia
If I were an emotion, I'd be: content
If I were an element, I'd be: oxygen
If I were a car, I'd be: a hybrid
If I were a song, I'd be: by Relient K, probobly Am I understood?
If I were a movie, I'd be: one of those too long boring english films
If I were a book, I'd be: The little lame prince
If I were a food, I'd be: Potato Soup
If I were a place, I'd be: The Library
If I were a material, I'd be: Fleece
If I were a taste, I'd be: sweet
If I were a scent, I'd be: sandlewood
If I were a religion, I'd be: forgotten
If I were a word, I'd be: overunderestimation
If I were an object, I'd be a: thermostat
If I were a body part, I'd be a: mouth
If I were a subject in school, I'd be: english
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: a smile
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Lisa Simpson
If I were a shape, I'd be: a hypercube
If I were a number, I'd be: the square root of pi factorial

Friday, October 29, 2004

Bubble Bath Pirates

We got new pictures of the baby again! Can you believe it? You must be screaming your pants off with joy right now, I know. Well, I am happy about it anyway. Excitement and stuff.

Oh and I so couldn't remember how to write in cursive so I had to print out one of those tracing sheets for myself. Ba haha. Well, too bad I cant demonstrate my renewed cursive writing abilities.

And I believe that was all the news I had to share with you today.

Maybe on a more personal note, I am teeming (what an awesome word by the way) with excitement and anticipation of all kinds of things. You know what word I don't like? The word "anxious" because people use it wrong all the time. They say they are anxious for school to be over or for vacation or Friday or something. Except anxious actually means "causing or fraught with or showing anxiety" or "mentally upset over possible misfortune or danger etc; worried" So obviously, one is not anxious for summer vacation.
I also do not like the word "aint" Elisabeth said it today. I corrected her and then I told her mother that, since I will be a teacher, I will correct every grammatical error Elisabeth makes when she speaks because 1.) I cringe everytime someone speaks incorrectly 2.) I love her and do not wish for her to sound anything less than brilliant (which she is)

Go on with you, stop looking for errors in my blog. This is not a term paper or something. Go away. Now.

We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us.

- Violent Mob in Disneys Beauty and The Beast.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Ven aca y besa me.

How is it that, the moment I begin to doubt, you reassure me? How is it that, you see my every word as poetry? How is it that, you make me feel so beautiful? Your every action is at just the right time. And you make my skin feel like a seperate being, apart from me, and crawling with happiness. Your words speak volumes and to my soul.

That Yellow Marker Smells Like the Sun.

We made pop in science class today. It was mucho fun. How did we make pop you say? By putting dry ice in kool aid. It bubbled like it was boiling except that the bubbles were full of grey fog and they popped and the fog spilled over the cup and out onto the table. It was very halloweeny. And then we made ice cream. And my professors did all sorts of cheap science tricks to make us go "oooh" and "ahhhh" It was great.

The End.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What Defines the essence of a human being comes from the inside-out. - Dr. Phil

I enjoyed my very first ride on the public busing system yesterday. Ashley Clay and I decided to do that just for the entertainment of it all. We went to the library. Apparently, trips take a LOT longer when using the bus as your mode of transportation. It was great. Then, we went out to dinner at Frisches, however its spelled. Then, we went to her house where she dyed her hair maroon and we both wathced Drop Dead Fred.

Today, I had a very lazy day indeed. I came home to a completely emptly house. Awesome. I made myself lunch and I colored on the big felty-thingy that I got at K-mart. I colored Belle, which then gave me the desire to watch Beauty and the Beast, which I did. Then, I went upstairs and played around on the internet till noon, when I decided to take a nap. Later, after other things happened ( I just noticed that some of this is out of order (for instance: the movie came after the nap.)) Ashley Jelonek called and I went out to dinner with her at La Pinata. That was fun. And we talked and talked and talked and . . . Awesome.

At no point in the last two days did I do any homework what so ever. Yeah.

But, who cares, really?

And tomorrow is Dress up day at school and I am so being a pioneer girl. You betcha. Bonnet, shift, petticoat, petticoat, apron, shortgown and all. But I veto the stockings, those stupid things. I just hate them.

Well, I should get to the, as plus or minus Sarah says, h to the w. Heh.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Twenty One Over Pi Hiccups in a Broken Bottle

We got new pictures of Kaitlynn Ann yesterday! Twelve of them! Wowness. Yep, thats all.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Looking at yourself in a spoon.

Ashley and I saw the movie, Grudge, tonight. I liked it. I thought during the movie, this would be nice to watch with a boyfriend whose arm I could grab during the scary parts, but alas, I do not have one. I am too much of a. . . for lack of a better word- scardy cat.

Anyway, and it was fun attacking that chair with the batting and staple gun.
And it was awesome to see all my family at work today.
I have a terrible longing for Michigan.
I am too preoccupied with stuff.

Seems like there was something I was going to say. Maybe I should freewrite and it will come out:

I want to write a poem about anything, something beautiful so then you will think I am beautiful too. Maybe for lack of insecurity I would find other problems to dwell on. I don't even know what I want with you. I don't think I would be happy if I had everything I ever wanted. Right now I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream, and to wear my favorite pink pajamas and my robe. Ah, I love that thing. And I like my new space heater. It oscillates. Isnt that the coolest word ever? Say it - oscillates oscillates oscillates. Ashley said laxadasical the other day. Is that a word? I'm not sure. Her mom's potato soup was spicy though, whew. And it was awesome to talk to Rachel yesterday. I think she has been my role model for many years. I am nervous about getting our quiz grades back tomorrow. I cannot wait for next semester when I wont have class on Mondays. I shouldn't wish the days away, all those days that might hold happiness. Like the two weeks in December when I will go to china. Im excited. I should probably be getting ahead on my homework. I procrastinate too much. Its so stressful. Its hard to live up to the image of what I am supposed to be. Maybe I am not such a good student. I always do things at the last minute, whith as little effort as possible. Will I be a good teacher? Will I be a good anything? The future is so scary, daunting. Sometimes I wish to go back to "the good 'ole days" but then I remember that those days were not good anyway. When we complain about today we tend to only remember the good things about yesterday, when our current problems did not exist. It makes me sad that I mostly remember all the bad things. I won't list them, that is painful. I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out, but that is highly improbable seeing as to how I must go downstairs once every hour or so just to see another person. I love my family. I would rather spend the day with them than with my friends, and that makes me feel something. . . maybe like I dont fit in or that I am not getting the whole teenager experience or maybe this will be the reason why I will live alone at forty only looking forward to my weekend trip to the grocery store with my mom. Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Becasue I don't want to be alone, I don't ever want to be alone. I want to feel good enough for someone, No, I want someone to cherish me, to love me, not just to think that I am good enough. And I want to cherish them, to love them. And I want security, because everything here seems so unbalanced and it scares me to death. I want financial stability. And Good communication. And honesty. Honesty. Honestly. I want those around me to do whats right because that is what is right. I don't want to be surrounded in the badness and lies and cheating and all that other stuff. I want to be good and be surrounded by those that want to be good. But I dont want to be perfect, just loved. I don't want to be rich, just comfortable. I don't want to be I just don't. I want, yes, oh, how I want.

And I can't help but feel like a whining, spoiled, bratty little teenager.
But yes, I will always want more.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Places other than her eyes.

There is beauty in the highway
at night,
drawn in lines of
approaching white
and receding red.
And the lights of
the passing cities
glitter in invitation.

And I say,
art can be

Beauty can be found
in places other than
the stars
and trees
and waters.

( I decide,
on my evening ride
to Kmart.)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I think this is number two hundred.



Nothing exciting happened today. Dad drove me to Dayton to the testing center so that I wouldn't get lost in the morning. I'll probably still get lost. I worked. Mom made me no-bake cookies just the way I like them: very, very, very gooey. Yumm.

And, I should probably go to bed soon, on account of the test in the morning, but I don't wanna. I guess I will. I probably wont. Ill try. Goodnight.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Elisabeth asked why her sister had such "chunky cheeks" Posted by Hello

At four months old. Posted by Hello

Kaitlynn Anne Quinwen Burns, I believe.

I have the heavy feeling in my chest of impending badness. Where did it come from? It started when I got on the internet. Something. . . something. . .

Um, my book still hasnt come yet. Ten days is enough isnt it?

We got pictures of Kaitlynn today, and yes, I spelled it right this time. Anyway, if the computer likes me today, they should be directly above this. Maybe.

Umm. . . I have to take a long test on Wednesday. No fun.

What is this feeling?

I started a poem today, and I dont think I'll finish it:

I close my mouth
to trap the laughter there
but it spills out through my eyes
and stains my cheeks with merry redness.

Saturday, October 16, 2004


He Quin Wen (Pronounced something like "Who Ching Ven")
"He" is the surname. "Quin" means pretty. "Wen" means gentle.
Soon to be Caitlynn Anne Quin Wen Burns (If I spelled it right)
Born: December 22, 2003
Location: Changsha, Hunan, China

Pictures will be forthcoming. Yayness!


Just me
on the way to your house
my favorite music
and fiery orange
and gilded yellow
in anticipation
of my passing.
My brow wrinkles
on Route 4
because the speed
makes me nervous
and excites me,
but mostly
I just want to
see you again.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Just cus I'm bored.

-- name: Sarah Jo
-- nickname(s): Rah Rah, Slavery Jo, Pelirojo
-- birthplace: Here
-- current Location: Still here
-- eye color: Bule
-- hair color: Reddish Brownish
-- height: 5'3"?
-- righty or lefty: Righty
-- zodiac sign: Cancer

-- your heritage: American, then maybe Irish? Definately Kentucky.
-- your fears: Lots of stuff. Not being loved?
-- your perfect pizza: Cheese, nothing else.
-- goal you'd like to achieve: My Masters Degree.
-- your most overused phrase on AIM:hehe
-- your thoughts first waking up: That was a wierd dream.
-- your thoughts at bedtime: Tomorrow I have to. . .
-- your most missed memory: I don't know. I miss alot.
-- pepsi or coke: Mountain Dew
-- mcdonald's or burger king: Chick-Fil-A
--single or group dates: single
-- iced tea or nestea: Gatorade
-- chocolate or vanilla: Mint Chocolate Chip
-- cappuccino or coffee:Hot Chocolate
-- smoke: Cancer
--curse:= Small Vocabulary
-- sing: At the top of my lungs
-- take a shower everyday: sure
-- have a crush: Yes
-- do you think you've been in love:No, I sure don't.
-- want to go to college: I am.
--like(d) high school: Yes
-- want to get married: Yes
-- believe in yourself: sometimes..
-- get motion sickness: Nah
-- think you're a health freak: no
-- get along with your parent(s): Umm Sure
-- like thunderstorms: As longs as I'm not in them.
-- play an instrument: Nope
in the past month...
-- drank alcohol: no
-- smoked: over my dead body
-- done a drug: no
-- kissed someone:No
-- had sex: no
-- gone on a date: No
-- gone to the mall?: If you call that sorry excuse for shopping a mall.
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: Ewww
-- eaten sushi: no
-- been on stage: no
-- been dumped: That would be a little impossible.
-- gone skating: no
-- made homemade cookies: I don't bake, thank you very much.
-- gone skinny dipping: Haha!
-- dyed your hair: no
-- stolen anything: no
I vetoed all those questions.
-- age you hope to be married:Tomorrow
-- numbers and names of children: Three Dozen. Haha. I don't know. I like the name Caleb and the name Rebecca. Have not thought further than that.
-- describe your dream wedding: January, freezing cold. Snow everywhere. Outside in front of a huge bonfire with just the pastor, him, me and our close family.
-- how do you want to die: I would rather the rapture come first. But. . . with Jesus VERY near.
-- where you want to go to college: Right where I am.
-- what do you want to be when you grow up:A mother. A great mother. My childrens Hero.
-- what country would you most like to visit: China!
in a guy/girl..
-- best eye color: Whatever.
-- best hair color: Whatever
-- short or long hair: As long as its not like, a mullet. . .
-- height: Am I really supposed to be that shallow?
-- best articles of clothing: As in?
-- best first date location: Somewhere with him.
-- best first kiss location: My lips?
-- # of drugs taken illegally: 0
-- # of people i could trust with my life: I DON'T KNOW!
-- # of pets you have, what kinds, names :Eww, they make me sneeze. And they smell. And you have to clean up their poop. And they smell.
-- # of CDs that i own: Relient K is all I listen to.
# of piercings:0
-- # of tattoos: 0
-- # of scars on my body: 0
-- # of things in my past that i regret: Why would I even try to list that? Thats like the introduction to a suicide note or something. How bout a question like: # of things in my life I am proud of?
Name the person/people who comes tomind in each question.
1. Always make you laugh. Tommy
2. Always make you angry. My Brother
3. Always makes fun of you Alison
4. Always be there for you Ashley Clay
5. Always buy present for you Joanie
6. Always hangout with you Ashley Clay
7. Always smile at you Most Everyone
8. Always pay for you Me
9. Always drive you around Me
10. Always ask homework questions No one.
11. Always need your help Jenelle
12. Always make you wait Mom
13. Always sleep in classes That one guy.
14. Always cannot make up his/her mind Lots of people
15. Always late for class ? I don't know
16. Never take a bus/train/aeroplane Um. . .
17. Has messy hair Me
18. Untidy ChristopherAdam Lewis
19. Someone you love? Now, that would just take forever to list.
20.A liar or a pretender? My Mother

*Hugs the Space Heater*

- I think the plan is to completely disconnect the upstairs from the heating system, me being the only one living up here. This space heater is meant to heat the entire upstairs: bathroom, three bedrooms, hallway. I'm so keeping this door shut and locked. It's mine! All Mine!

Sweet like that gum in your mouth.

I doubt your existence sometimes, but this is well balanced by the memory of the heat of your breath on my skin.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Science class and X-men too.

I feel discouraged and hopeful at the same time, but not about the same things and it feels strange. I am afraid to feel too hopeful about anything, because letdowns are terrible. Maybe I am emotional or maybe I am in touch with my emotions. I dunno. Do I show it in real life? Um. . I don't know. I don't think I make my as legible on my face as I do in this blog. I am certainly not as honest.

I remember telling my class about my mom, and my life. My hands shook and I wanted to hide and cry, but I kept talking. Heck, I cried when I wrote that entry about my mom. Honesty is hard, vulnerability is terrifying. I think I would do best if it were just me and you and the stars.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

I wonder what happens when you press this bu- BOOM!

I got the Relient K Christmas albulm I purchased on eBay in the mail. I've been listening to it all day. Now, I would blame my freakness (caused by listening to Christmas music two months early) on Relient K, but truth be told, I was listening to my other Christmas CD just last week. So, I am a freak either way. I just love Christmas music. It reminds me of our vacations to Michigan. I will miss that this year, but small trade for China, I would say. I'll still miss it.

There was something else, I promise. Oh, I remember! Last evening I was surprised to find a space heater in the bathroom. For whatever reason it was there, its gone now, and my room is nice and toasty. (Infer what you will.) Eww, but it smelled funny, like burnt something or other, so I taped a fabric softener sheet to the vent and now my room smells like warm laundry. Yum.

And. . . Friday and Saturday are "fall break" and I don't have any classes. Excitedness. I don't have to work Saturday either! Whatever will I do with a whole day with no obligations? Hmm.

I feel so not-social. I haven't seen anyone. It was nice to see Ashley today.

I saw my ninth grade English teacher! She was in Fashion Bug and it was awesome. Yeah, cus I'm a nerd and I like my teachers.

I think I'm done now.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


I think I stumbled across something really profound today and it frightened me. I found one of those hidden strings that controls my behavior. And I don't think I was ready to see the strings. Granted, I only found one of them.

For the longest time, the best thing I could do was imitate the accepted behavior I saw in others. After some struggles, I began to act in a fashion that was completely me. Then, after some self-study, I have been able recognize the patterns in my behavior. Not only do I just be me, but I see the little things that make up me. Well, most of them. It is very hard to look at oneself. But today, I saw why I do some things. This is scary. Is everything I am a result of some outside stimulus? I don't want to think that. I want to be responsible for who I am.

I was talking to my Mother today. And I will explain that talking to my Mother is always so awkward for me. It feels so fake and manufactured. There are so many things we do not say, subjects we do not talk about. This entire relationship is as fragile at that ornament she threw that Christmas.

I told her that I thought we should see a therapist together. She asked why we would do that, our relationship is fine until it comes to money. I told her that there were major things wrong. She wants to know what. I tell her she doesn't want to talk about it. She says, I am right, she doesn't want to talk about it. I tell her that that's one of the things wrong with our relationship, we don't talk about things. She says that's just the way her family deals with things. I tell her that makes relationships shatter. She changes the subject. I say one day I am just going to leave and never come back and she can never say I didn't ever try to talk about it. She gets mad. Awkward silence ensues.

I do not trust her. Ever. I want to tell her this. I want to trust her. I want to feel safe with her. But everytime I trust her again, she lies to me, steals from me, does something. Even the smallest things, stupid, tiny things, she lies about. It breaks my heart. Lies lies lies. What am I supposed to do? She's so manipulative. She tries to make me feel guilty if I deny her something.

She is so good to me, she says, why won't I give her ten dollars? I never have anything nice to say about her, she says, I am so ungrateful. Her back hurts, her hands hurt, why won't I give her fifteen dollars so she can go buy pain pills from her friend? She hasn't had any all day, and she needs them, she tells me, Daddy will pay me back when he gets home.

I just want to sit here and cry and pout about how horrible it all is. But where will that get me? What good would that accomplish? And she compares my life to other people. Tells me how good I have it. Look at so and so, aren't you glad you don't have their parents? If you go around comparing yourself to other people, you are going to find that lots of people have it worse than you and lots of people have it better than you too. You just cant do that. I want to scream. I don't care about so and so, I care about me, about us, about this relationship. I AM NOT HAPPY! Can you see that? Can you see how much it hurts me? Why won't you listen to me? Why are pills more important than me? Don't you love me? Don't you care?

I'm walking around with this inside of me, and you don't want to talk about it. I look at you with love and contempt, and it confuses me. I love you so much. I love you so much. Stop hurting me, please. Just love me okay? Can't you just be nice because you love me, and not because you want money? Can't you just love me for me, and not my money? Oh my gosh, I just need you to be my mom.

And this, is the string I found. I need to be listened to, I need reassurance, I need honesty, because Im not getting these things where they truly matter. And it scares me to death to say all these things because we don't talk about these things. We don't share these things. Well, Im sharing it with the whole world because the most important person in my world won't listen to me.

*Fade to Black*

Monday, October 11, 2004

Lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I.

I bought towels today. I feel so grown up now. They are light and navy blue. I had to rearrange my room to find room for the towels. Yeah, its that packed. My room is now a bedroom/office/walk-in closet/storage-major storage. I got towels because I wanted MY OWN towels. And then I will wash them and put them in my room and no one else's cooties will touch them! Yes! (I am very aware that yes, I am a freak.)

Just to share, I am also bothered by using the Q-tips in the bathroom because I don't know how clean whoeveres hands were when they grabbed one. SO, I bought my own. They are in my room. And. . . I get upset if my toothbrush is in a different position than when I left it. Eww, once it was wet when it shouldn't have been. Mom said she cleaned them all, so I got a new toothbrush, because. . . eww. Don't touch the toothbrush ma'am.

Im sure there are more things, but I wont list them all.

Do you think of me in a different light now?

AND. . . I did the laundry today and no one told me to! I ran out of pink things and had to take matters into my own hands. Ha.

Im waiting for my CD to come in the mail. Godspeed to it.

Oh My Gosh! Joanie said that the rumors are that the referrals were mailed from China. So, maybe Thursday? I sure hope so. Im so stayin the night at her house this weekend. I cant wait to meet the new baby, gosh darn it. I've been thinking about China quite a bit lately.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

I drank his mountain dew. Duhn Duhn Duhhhhhhh.

Chris: WHATS THIS?!?!
Me: Uh. . . nuthin
Chris: okay

Dear you,

I just wanted to move a little bit closer to you
I never intended to do all the damage I managed to do.
Sometimes it seems that my every action is tainted with doubt.
But in my private worship of you I was systematically devout.

Laughing at who I thought I was or wanted you to be,
my preconceived notions were plagued with inconsistency.
Almost always bound by the things I thought I knew
or promises I made but never ever followed through.

I've found that things become more complicated than we plan
and the words are imbued with more emotion then when this began.
Now I know the things I wanted were things you could not offer me,
And more important are the things I cannot touch or hear or see.

Suffuse me once again with your ever present benevolence
that constantly surprises me in its overwhelming prevalence,
because I need you more than I would ever deign to say
and I would follow you with more passion than words could ever convey.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

We make a game of throwing our shoes

I still smile when I look at the pictures from that day. It warms my heart. Maybe I want to be there again, but I do not want to relive all those days between then and now. And I do not want to lose all the things I have learned. I will just say, I enjoyed it, and my time with you.

Eww, you have shark breath.

I'm grumpy. I didn't get what I wanted. I wanted to go to the haunted hay ride, and I wanted to do so with my parents. Not with my brother. Not with my brother and his friends. Not with my friends. Not by myself. I wanted to go do something fun with my parents. And they wouldn't go. So, Im just going to sit here and pout and wrinkle my brow instead of doing the mature thing like compromising.

Friday, October 08, 2004

He took all the broken bits of glass and made something beautiful.

I wish these feelings were reciprocal. And I want always to be happy with me. I hate how embarrassed and awkward I feel at times. I would like to see your face now. I hope that tomorrow turns out better than I expect. I need security and reassurance. I like how you give that to me. I see all my flaws when I look in the mirror. I fear that you see them too. I am tired of being so passive and compliant. I will try to speak up more often. Im still terribly afraid of guys. I feel more comfortable around guys that are not "hot." I am picky about little things like squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom and where things go. I feel irritated and unimportant when I talk and no one listens. Most often, the thing I want the most is the very thing I fear. I remember what people say better than names and birthdays and events. I couldn't tell you what color eyes you have. But the way you make me feel, oh, I certainly remember that. I really do.

El Pollo Loco esta bialando el tango con tu novio y tu madre en la biblioteca.

I really don't have much to say, just avoiding math homework.

I got angry today and found my solace in Walmart. I seem to go there or the library when I get mad. I bought some stuff. Small stuff. Like Q-tips and fluoride mouthwash. Now my teeth will be stronger than ever! Heh.

I still harbor lingering tendrils of anger. This makes me want to listen to loud music and pout, but I will not. I should probably do my homework. I do have to work tonight and class is early in the morning. This is funny, me telling me to do something.

I'm sleepy. I did not sleep so well last night. I kept waking up with the nagging feeling that I ought to be doing something, I could not decide for the life of me what that something was. So I looked at the clock, again and again.

I have been avoiding me lately. This trend of introspection I began has started to scare me. But the alternative is scary too.

There are so many other things I should be doing.
I would rather be talking to anyone just now.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Prelude to Goodbye

I love you.
God, how I love you.
And how many times
I didn't say it.

Your so beautiful.
Did I say that to you?
Do you truly understand
how beautiful you are?

Remember that time?
Man, those times
were awesome.
I wish we could go back
a day or two.

Think of all we haven't done
all those things we were going to do

I love you.
God, how I love you.

Let me just hold your hand.
Lets just sit here awhile.
Sit and just be together.

I wanted to thank you.
Thank you so much for everything.
I wouldn't be me without you.

Oh, oh, how I love you.
How very much I need you.

For Grandpa

When I say RENEGADE, you say PRIDE.

Um, my emotional processor is out to lunch. Or vacation.

Happiness. Definite happiness. And then other stuff. Too complicated to go into, I suppose. Just confusion.

If everything went the way I planned, I wouldn't know what to plan anyhow.

Im just a jumble of stuff today.

Always, with joy.

Leaves crunching underfoot
and the certainty for once
that you love me.

May be complete happiness
in forever
and always.

And my fingertips
are not cold
like usual
because I touched you
and the heat of it
lingers there.

Renders my heart
alive again
when I thought
all feeling had passed
from it.

My breathe doesn't come so easily
when you are near.

And maybe I feel
for once.

Misguided, maybe
but always
with joy.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

That Fish Looks Like Angelina Jolie!

The toilet broke. Again. stupid humanity.
Just thought I would share that with you. Gnight.

Proud Owner: The Complex Infrastructure Known as the Female Mind.

Ashley came over today and we planned our schedules and stuff. Now, I just have to hurry and sign up for them before one of my classes fills up. I sure hope they don't, because then I would be really mad.
My schedule for next semester as of today:
Monday: No classes
Tuesday: in school from 8:30 till 1:20
Wednesday: No classes
Thursday:8:30-11:15 then 4:00 till 9:40
Friday: No Classes
Saturday: 8:30 to 12:00

All in all, I would say that this looks pretty awesome. I am taking 17 credit hours. That's 5 more credit hours than this semester. Can I handle it? We will see, won't we?

I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 today. It did not affect the way I was going to vote, though. Mostly because I was going to vote for Kerry anyhow. I decided this, oh, about three days ago. Yeah, I took it upon myself to actually look up the issues.

I feel so frustrated, but it would take a really long time to explain it to you and then even if you cared enough to listen to me that long you probably would not understand anymore anyway, so I will just say that I am frustrated with America. Maybe I will move to Canada. No, I like Middletown. Maybe I will rally for the annexation of Ohio by Canada. Yeah, that sounds good.

I cannot figure out what is going on with the RK book. I suppose this will be a lesson in patience.

I almost did my homework today. And then didn't.

I did accomplish something anyhow.

I want the referrals to come. Right now.

Well, I must go bathe myself.

Oh, oh! I ran out of the shampoo Connie got me for graduation (the stuff that smelled soo good.) I looked it up online but I only found it in the liter bottles and they were 20 dollars a bottle plus another 10 for shipping. I sure didn't like it that much. I wonder where I could buy it at? Its like a salon-y type shampoo. Mmmm coconut. Sadness :{

Um, oh yes, I was going to go do something productive.