Saturday, March 31, 2007

Well, they've succeded

With all their coughing and sneezing and snot-wiping and hugs, the second graders have managed to infect me. I swear, they've had it in for me since day one. But, the sickness also falls on the last day of my field experience, my last field experience EVER. I am not going to be a teacher and I NEVER have to spend all day in an elementary school again. Really, the outside world has no idea, no idea what its like in there.

So now I feel like a great burden has been lifted. I've planned my schedule for next semester and its going to be fabulous: only two days of Oxford included.

I joined this group on facebook called "I'm saving myself for wild, passionate, awkward honeymoon sex" or something like that. The message boards are so active that I've been stalking them in an unhealthy manner. But, its nice to see that I'm not the only one, you know? There are even some people that are saving their first kiss for their wedding day. Isn't that great (or some may say, crazy)? But hey, I'm twenty years old and have never kissed anyone, so what are a few more years? I think it would be special. There are so many topics that come up on the boards that make me feel part of something. I thought I was the only one thinking some of these things but then dozens of people are sharing their versions of my own thoughts. Specifically, one topic was about being afraid that if someone REALLY knew you, they wouldn't love you, but it seemed that nearly everyone felt that way. I think we are all secretly insecure about these things. Another topic was about being afraid of ending up alone. I share these feelings and it was reassuring to know that there are other people like me out there (at least 23,000 right now). Other topics are kind of silly and fun. All of this has led to much contemplation on my part, apparently because. . .

Last night I dreamed that I met my future husband and he asked, well no, he told me I was going to marry him and he kissed my forehead and my cheeks (yes, my version of wild, crazy sex dreams haha). Then, I was all sad when I woke up. :( The point of this story? I think I should spend less time on facebook talking about future husbands and more time with, you know, real people.

I think I'll take my infected self to bed and think happy, healing thoughts. Come on immune system! ( I think I might cough on the mean customers tomorrow) *evil laugh*

Sarah Jo

Monday, March 12, 2007

I don't know why I'm always suprised at stuff like this.

I woke up this morning and walked down the stairs. Mom had company; she did not hear me come down the stairs. She did not know I was listening as she carried on a conversation about how much this or that person charges for pain pills, what each one makes her feel, about breaking into my dads cabinet to get pills. She did not know that I heard her yell down the stairs to ask my brother if her guest could have a joint. No, she didn't know how long I stood there. Finally, she sees me, greets me good morning, realizes I'm upset. I tell her that I heard that. "What" she says? "Shannon is just here to see if chris can fix her car." she says. I tell her again that I heard it, I heard everything. "What?" She asks.

So. . .

Did she never quit? Did she quit and start again? How long has she been lying to me? HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN LYING TO ME?!?!

I didnt ask her this. I left. I havent said a word to her. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm tired of being lied to. People are going to do what they want to, but why lie to me? She says she doesn't want to upset me, but I'm upset right now.

But, I'm done crying. I don't want to leave anymore. I'm tired of leaving. I'm tired of trusting. I'm tired of all of this.

I don't know how I'm ever going to learn how to trust people.

Deception seems to be the main form of communication in my house. And everyone does whatever they want. It doesnt matter if its illegal. It doesnt matter if its going to hurt everyone around.

I feel like I'm in one of those movies where the gate is closing and the characters are racing to get through the gate before it closes or the building collapses or blows up. I sure hope I can get out before this house crumbles.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Have you seen the new Choco/Nilla Krispies?

Thirty - something black gentleman: Hey
Me: Hi
Him: What yo name?
Me: Sarah
Him: Do I know you?
Me: I don't think so.
Him: Can I GET to know you?
Me: Uh, I don't think so.
Him: Why not? You a pretty lady.
Me: No, no I don't think so.
Him: Well, it don't hurt to try.
Me: No, I guess not


So, today I made corn chowder and homemade croutons. It was much tasty. Yum.

Friday, March 02, 2007


Yesterday, I learned how it felt to be leered at.

And then, a customer made a comment about my necklace, asking if I got my beads at Mardi-Gras. I informed him that I will never, ever earn any mardi-gras beads. My next customer exclaimed, "Well, your face isn't so red anymore! Oh, there it goes again!"

And later, Katelyn (not the toddler, but my friend) informed me that my breasts are scary.

Its nice when a day has a theme to it, you know?