Sunday, March 30, 2008

Video Blogging

So, I've decided to start a video blog on youtube to document my gastric bypass journey thing. I'll still be here, of course, becasue my fingers like the keys much more than my face likes the camera. The reason I've decided to make videos is so that later, I can actually see the changes occuring. Also, there are many other people on youtube with the same situation; I find it so encouraging and informative. I would love to be one of those people. So, if your interested, the link is above, and I'll post the first video here. As a final note, I have to go buy a new webcam becuase this one isnt so great!

Thursday, March 27, 2008


I just wanted to let you know about the hourse of research I've done online about nutrition after Gastric bypass surgery. Apparently, I'll be needing lots of whey protien powder as I'll have to mix it in like everything I eat. When you lose weight quickly, your body destroys muscle before fat. So, it is important to get plenty of protien, not only for that, but also to help the incisions heal quickly.

I'll also have to eat only low sugar, low fat items. But, thanks to diabetics and Americas diet industry, there are plenty of products available for that. IN the beginning, I'll only be able to eat about 1/4 of a cup at a time. Eventually, it will be 1 cup. I cant drink while eating or one hour before or after eating. Still, I'll have to somehow get 48-64 ounces of fluid a day and 65-80 grams of protien. This means that a lot of my "eating" will have to be liquids, such as a protien shake, soup, or broth.

I've just found loads of ideas about meals and grocery lists and vitamins and I'm so excited. I'm going to by little tiny plates, cups, and bowls and baby spoons.

Oh, I'll have to work out aerobically for 35 min. a day and later, do strength training three times a week. I'll have to join a gym, I think.

See, I don't expect this to be some kind of cure for fatness. Its gonna be work, of course. But for the first time in my life, I'll be successful at weight loss. Its gonna ge great.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Diary of a fat girl.

I found a woman on youtube who apparently had gastric bypass surgery a few months ago. I began to watch her videos, hoping to get some ideas about what kinds of foods to buy and things I would need. I went back all the way to the beginning so I could see how much she had changed, and, of course, was shocked. But more than that, I was suprised to see so much of myself in her. She had a video showing all the clothes from her closet she couldnt wear, but that she hoped to wear when she lost weight. I nearly cried. I have that same collection in the back of my closet, just waiting.

You know, when you are fat, you buy clothes that are too small to "inspire" you to keep dieting and excercising. What they do instead is mock you. I still cant wear those jeans! And the lady even had concert t-shirts she couldnt wear. SHe said they don't sell big enough t-shirts at concerts because "if you are fat, you don't like music." I loved it. I wonder if anyone else notices me asking what sizes the t-shirts go up to. I wonder what it would be like to buy the one actually made for the girls. Hopefully, I'll find out soon enough.

I am so, so tired of being fat.
Amber put seven month old Kiersten in the corner for "thinking she could get her way by being bad."

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Two things:

First, I found a recipe for PF changs spicy chicken on the internet. It wasn't so great. After several adjustments, its amazing! Its nearly the same as the real thing. And the plus side is, I dont have to leave my house. Down side? I'm the one cooking it and cleaning up after. You can't have everything.

Second (and more important), my surgery is schelduled for Tuesday, May 20th. Yay! Goodbye food! Oh wait . . . haha.

Sarah Jo

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Saturdays were made for naps, doncha think?

Its spring break now, and I'm happy. I'm not going anywhere, but I will be doing whatever I want to do the moment it suits me to do it. I like that. Yay!

I just finished reading a romance novel that happened in Ireland and I want to go now. Well, I wanted to go before, actually. I want to see everywhere (that has plumbing).

I had a lot to say before I sat down to write, but now I lost it all. I know! I'll share more homework with you!

If I were a room, I would be . . .

My bedroom is my safe place, my alone time, my sanctuary, my temple. It is mostly because of the bolt-lock. The door sits uneven in the crooked doorframe; even if the ancient handle still had its skeleton key, the door wouldn’t lock. When we moved in, the first thing I did was install that lock. I have the only key. No one enters but me.

Then there’s the bed. It sits nestled up against the wall with its warm beige duvet cover and just-right pillows. I don’t like the windows. I covered them with aluminum foil and shades. I want to have complete control in this space; I’ll decide when it should be light or dark. And the carpet. I bought that carpet and dragged it up the stairs. My bare feet are the first to touch it. The color is tropical punch, but it looks like grey with secret bits of pink and teal.

Cheap wood paneling bows away from one wall, revealing hideous 1970’s flowered wallpaper in the crevices. But the paneling is a nice, warm color that matches my little chest. My great-grandfather made the chest. There is a picture of him taped under the lid, with a note for my mother reading, “Hi Red, take care of this for me” in slanted script. The chest is full of extra blankets and pillows, things that are warm and soft and smell of fabric softener and lumber.

And my little bedside lamp. I can turn off the lights from the safety of my bed. There is a TV over there, but its pushed into the corner and covered in dust. It mostly serves as a place to set my tissues. The closet is big enough for my dresser to fit inside. There are poles to hang my clothes on the right and left sides, with the dresser there in front of me. On the left, between the clothes and the floor is the perfect place to sit in the darkness and cry.

Hanging over the bed are those pictures I bought in China in those frames I bought at Wal-Mart. The one in the middle is my favorite: the one with the Chinese characters carved into the bamboo and the long hallway with doorway after doorway after doorway. Things I can’t read. An end I cannot see. But mostly, the memory hanging there on the wall, reminding me how it felt to miss home.

On the opposite wall, my name in pictures. Impossible things like dolphins kissing over a sunset, rainbows, and lighthouses make the letters of my name. The “J” is a lighthouse next to a sweeping cliff, the waters leap up against the brush-stoked rocks. Turmoil. Beauty. Meaning. Painted by that Asian man at the Pork Festival last summer.

I didn’t mention the fuzzy rug. It rests at the side of the bed, the alarm-clock side. The alarm clock isn’t pleasant to hear, but the first moment of my feet touching the ground is that soft, fuzzy rug that reaches up between my toes and tickles the tops of my feet. It had to be white.
But the most important thing is the bolt-lock, that cold, metal thing.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Reason

The assignment was to write a complete story using only fifty words. Here is my response:

The Reason

When you leave your towels on the toilet, across the headboard, and under the sofa, it shows just how much you do not love me, but that is not the reason I am leaving you. I am in love with your brother, and he picks up after himself.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

It must be magic!

So, I'm a fat girl. I know this. Its not really a secret, how could it be? And most of the time I feel like this strange, akward monster filling up too much space in the room. But sometimes, I magically disappear. Let me tell you about one of these times:

It snowed A LOT this weekend, and yesterday and we didn't have very many customers. We started sending staff home until there were just four of us there. This is what happened.

Random guy to my male co-worker: Well, at least if you get snowed in here, you'll be alone with three young women! That won't be to bad, eh? (Suggestive look)
Guy Co-worker: They are all married so . . .
Girl Co-worker: Sarah isn't married!
Co-worker: Oh, well she . . . Sarah is almost married.

Or, no one would ever even think that way about Sarah so she doesn't really count as a woman.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Do you ever feel like you're just trying to get through today?

I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Yesterday, someone called me beautiful.

Not cute. Not nice. Not sweet. Not any of those other words that mean my personality somehow makes up for my body. Beautiful.

And she really meant it.