Monday, May 30, 2005


I think sometimes I try to grow up too fast. I make my plans for the future and wish away today. Sometimes I feel like Im just going through the motions to get it over with, whatever "it" might be. I don't want to do that. I want to stop and enjoy beautiful days like today. I saw so much family today. I spent time with "the babies" even though they are not really babies any more. I played cornhole badly. I swam. The water was SO cold. I think I need one of those showers that is so hot you come out of the water steaming. Ahh, anticipation.

I want to fly somewhere. I want to visit a foreign country. I really want to.

But right now I want to go to sleep, and that means I must do the things I need to do before bed. Yes.


Sarah Jo

Sunday, May 29, 2005

I believe, I believe, I believe in the Word of God!

Wow. So, I recently told someone that I would not have a relationship with someone who is not also a Christian, and today he actually tries to talk me out of it by quoting the bible! Oh my goodness, gracious! I went into battle mode and quoted scripture right back. Seems like there was someone else that tried to tempt using scripture. . . Oh yes, Satan. Anyway, I would definitely say that attacking my convictions is no way to try to begin a relationship with me. . .

Sarah jo

Green peppers make me happy. Lots of things make me happy. . .

I made hamburger pie today. Okay, I received ample assistance from my parents, but still. I also made beer bread. I like hamburger pie.

Happy day today. Nothing interesting to say.

I like boys.

Sarah jo

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I have worship songs stuck in my head.

I printed up my favorite bible verse as large as it would go and taped it to my bedroom wall so I could see it there everyday. It makes me happy. It is Phil. 4:8. I also posted a sign that says for me to read the bible and write a poem everyday. I want to write a poem everyday to try to improve myself. And as far as the bible goes, I want to read that everyday to "feed my spirit-man" as Chad would say. I struggle with that one. It seems I can find all kinds of time to read other books. . .

I went to Applebees with my family today. I feel so content that I could just take a nap.

A lady was so mean to me at work today that it made me cry. Actually, there were two mean people, but Robbie rescued me both times. I still cried with the mean lady, but I felt so much better after he stepped in to help me.

I've got two nicknames at work: Pollyanna and Sally Jo. Fun times. I call Denise my little Buhdda, Carolina I call the great virgian Diana, Joanne is Sheba, and Robbie is Bobert. Oh yes, I was going to look up some more about Sheba.

Sarah jo

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I like my hair better longer.

I'm happy most of the time, but then sometimes I feel extra happy and its strange. Because, I don't feel extra happy for any particular reason usually. Like today, I felt extra happy because my highlighter was SO yellow. How could you highlight with a highlighter THAT yellow, and not be happy? But anyway, happiness most of the time is a decision. (I spelled decision so wrong that spell check did not recognize it, haha.) The extra happy is not. It swells up inside me so large that I have to laugh or cry tears of happiness, and share it. Or maybe sing, but I always sing so thats not really much of a change. I wanted to explain how I feel to you, but I'm just not communicating very well.

At church during worship sometimes I get so filled with joy that I feel like I must be exhaling it, like my fingertips must be dripping with it, like I just might float off of the earth if I let go of the chair in front of me. And when I feel "extra happy" it is sort of like a small dose of that. Joy.

I have a song stuck in my head "This is your life, are you who you want to be?" I'm trying to be. I want to be joyful always. It comes easy to me, but its easy to abandon when its not the cool thing to do. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when people give me strange looks for smiling. But I shouldn't be embarrassed for happiness and I care too much about what other people think. I would be glad to share my joy with you, but you will never take it away from me, it lives in my heart and its name is Jesus Christ. I just called Jesus an "it". Should I have capitalized all those "it" 's?

Anyway, I wish you happiness.

Sarah jo

[Insert your name here],

I wrote a poem about you
It began simply
I listed some of your good qualities
For example:
You listen like God listens
You’re so kind and honest
and then
somewhere toward the middle
I felt brave enough to say
(in riddles and symbols, of course)
that I love you
that I’m so afraid to tell you
and I even wrote your name there
but I won’t do that here
and it ended on a sad note
as those days do
always, one more day
that I did not tell you

No creative thought this early in the morning.

Last night I dreamt of Relient K, roller coasters, and bathrooms. This is what happens when one reads tour journals before bed.

Well, I'm off to work, just wanted to share that with you.

Sarah jo

I like lower case j's better, they look happier.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

"You will touch the hearts of many (in bed)"

For some reason, I cannot open my blog to view it, but I can make a post. It keeps saying "Not Found" Im a bit worried.

Other than that, I had such a great time tonight. Everyone from work went out to P.F. Changs and then Coldstone for a going-away party for Ashley. it was so much fun. We laughed hard and loud four hours. I don't think I've had so much fun for a long time. I feel good, and tired.

So goodnight,
Sarah jo

Thursday, May 19, 2005

My response: WHY?

Apparently, there was a conversation between my mother and younger brother regarding what kind of underwear I wear. My younger brother asked me for clarification. I am deeply, deeply disturbed. Did I say I was deeply disturbed?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

"Sometimes its hard to believe that I have You and You're all I need. . ." - Overflow

I spent some time with Ashley J today. After we talked for a long time, I walked her out to her car because it was dark and my neighborhood is not so good. We talked outside her car for some time until we saw a sketchy looking gentleman walking toward us. I told her to get in her car and I would go back in the house, which actually involved walking toward said gentleman (scary guy) As I briskly walk toward the house the gentleman/ scary guy says to me, "Hey Baby, whats your name?" I respond by running into the house and locking the door. The end. At least I know now that someone out there finds me attractive and I'll just ignore the old/scary factor.

I dont really have a "crush" on anyone just now, but I think I'de like to. Its exciting, nervous-making, teenage-feeling inducing. Sure, its no fun when the feelings aren't reciprocated, but its still fun to tell my friends about how (insert good quality here) he is, and speculate what every word and action means. "He said hi and smiled at me today! Do you think he likes me?"

If dating is anything like most other pleasures, than can I assume that the anticipation is better than the actual thing?

And if a hug feels so nice, what is a kiss like? Which is better?

I think I want my first kiss to be on my wedding day. If someone loves me enough to spend the rest of their life with me, they wouldn't mind waiting for this small thing. I don't want to waste my first kiss on someone who might seem great at the time, but is not the one for me. I store up my purity as a gift for my future husband, and I'll give it to no one else. Ambitious, yes, but goals should be.

I have discoverd that while I really like routine and consistency, I can be quite impulsive and spontaneous. When I decide I want something, I want it right now, so I go get it. But usually these are things that I can get for myself. I don't demand that someone else get things for me. For example, I decide I want a new hamper. That moment, or as soon as I'm free, I inform my parents that I'm going to the store to buy a new hamper. But then, I get quite upset if I cannot get this thing that I've suddenly decided I need, and it becomes the most important thing until I get it. It is not always a material thing.

I got my hair cut even shorter. Its like two inches long. Feels quite invigorating, but it seems to have lost most of the curl. I really like to run my fingers through it. It doesnt mess up or tangle. How beautiful is that? Just a constant messy/poofy well, mess. You can touch it, because I'de like that.

Well, I must get to bed. I'm going to Columbus with Joanie and Jeanie in the morning to get the last paper for Jeanies adoption. Yes, we are going to have a THIRD Chinese baby in the family. Her name will be Payton Alexandra, I think. One day, Im going to adopt one or five.

I believe I was trying to say good night.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Don't read this.

So, It has been awhile. Lots of stuff to say, but I will forget to say most of it.

I noticed that things have a nice way of just working out perfectly for me. Example: My financial aid package for school lacked about 2,000 dollars of much needed money. I get a letter in the mail a couple weeks later telling me I have a scholarship for 2,500. Nice. Example: I really want this cardigan set at Fashion Bug but have resolved to spend all extra money on car payments. I look at it and pine for it each time I work. A couple of weeks later, I win a gift card for the amount of the cardigan set with just enough extra for a matching necklace. I will most definitely give God the credit for these things. I find that, in general, I have a need/want and after some time passes, this need/want is fulfilled better than I had hoped for. Can I connect this to relationships or lack there of? I would like to.

You can think this is weird or whatever, but I think of my future husband even now. I pray for him and I will keep myself pure for him. Oftentimes, I wish I had a boyfriend, even if it was just some frivolous thing. But what if none of these boys ever pay attention to me, or like me, or are interested in me that way, but some time passes, and I find that man that is better than any boy I could ever dream of?

I can only use my past as a rough template for what might happen in the future. You know, the sun has risen every morning I can remember, so I assume that the sun will rise tomorrow. Im not certain, but I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. Now, I've been through rough times. Maybe they don't seem rough to you, or I haven't shared them, but I have known pain and trials, but these things have only made me stronger. They have taught me lessons. I won't say that I have not been hurt, I'll just say that I survived in one piece. Through the rough times, God always provided a way for me, and always in His timing, so that I could see Him work. I know that He has never left me wanting. I don't know what I'm trying to say other than, I am grateful. Thank You.

Most times, when I think of rough times, I think financial. Not all of them were/are, but most of them. My parents both have/had chemical dependencies. Sometimes I want to scream and yell and hurt my parents for what I have had to experience, but they cannot change the past, and somehow an apology does not work. And you can go ahead and roll your eyes and make comments about another spoiled teenager whining about money, but you do not know where I have been. You do not know. I could easily turn this into a list of grievances against my parents, but I don't want to do this. And yes, it would be nearly all blamed on my parents, and I grant them with the brunt of my anger. But I now have a complete handbook on what not to do in life, and I will turn my anger into a zealous journey to financial stability . Or something.

"I think I had a point, but I just got distracted. . . ."

I just want to break away and have a life that is not weighed down with the "sins of my father." Sometimes it seems that in everything I do, I have to make up for something they did just to start out on a clean slate. I never get a clean slate, I get a dirty, used-up one. I said I wasn't going to list my grievances.

Just, do you know how it feels to love someone so much, and wonder when they are going to hurt you again?

I want to depend on someone I can depend on.

I'm sorry, I really did have a good day. I really am happy. Its just that sometimes when I need to be listened to, I tell everyone but the one that needs to hear.

Just tell me you love me and you'll never ever hurt me again. And then, really mean it.

Sarah Jo

Monday, May 02, 2005

Lets switch things up a bit. . .

Very soon I will be internetless for a week, because I'm switching internet companies and thats just the way it is, kids. Right now, I am avoiding homework. Again.

*GONG* I SO need to buy screws for that.

I went to the mall with my mom today. Yes, I've reached a new level of coolness. And get this, I didnt want to go to the mall with anyone but my mom.

8-12 pages on my schooling experience. It will so be like 6 1/2.

Can we say disjunct?

Quick! Whats a characteristic of music from the Middle Ages?

Sarah Jo

Sunday, May 01, 2005

The beauty of anticipation

I don't want this romance to be the stuff of generic love songs.
And I don't want you to make me promises;
I have had too many tears shed over broken ones.
I don't want you to try to win my love,
this is no game, and my love is given without thought of merit or virtue.
I ask for honesty in all things,
and for you to listen.
I would always give the same to you.
I want to share your joys
and help you bear your sorrows,
if you would do the same for me.
I want to know you and be known by you.
I wish to laugh and smile with you.
Another line,
and this just might become
one of those generic love songs.