Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I like my hair better longer.

I'm happy most of the time, but then sometimes I feel extra happy and its strange. Because, I don't feel extra happy for any particular reason usually. Like today, I felt extra happy because my highlighter was SO yellow. How could you highlight with a highlighter THAT yellow, and not be happy? But anyway, happiness most of the time is a decision. (I spelled decision so wrong that spell check did not recognize it, haha.) The extra happy is not. It swells up inside me so large that I have to laugh or cry tears of happiness, and share it. Or maybe sing, but I always sing so thats not really much of a change. I wanted to explain how I feel to you, but I'm just not communicating very well.

At church during worship sometimes I get so filled with joy that I feel like I must be exhaling it, like my fingertips must be dripping with it, like I just might float off of the earth if I let go of the chair in front of me. And when I feel "extra happy" it is sort of like a small dose of that. Joy.

I have a song stuck in my head "This is your life, are you who you want to be?" I'm trying to be. I want to be joyful always. It comes easy to me, but its easy to abandon when its not the cool thing to do. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when people give me strange looks for smiling. But I shouldn't be embarrassed for happiness and I care too much about what other people think. I would be glad to share my joy with you, but you will never take it away from me, it lives in my heart and its name is Jesus Christ. I just called Jesus an "it". Should I have capitalized all those "it" 's?

Anyway, I wish you happiness.

Sarah jo

1 comment:

your unmocking spoof said...

just keep on doing what you are doing. don't get distracted from being distracted

...

exactly.