Friday, September 30, 2005

Not that I want to. . .

I'm telling you that I have to leave you, but I'm not going until you let me go, because I could never leave you like that, still hanging on. I'll hold you until the tears come. I'll hold you until they stop. I'll hold you until you are strong enough to stand up, and walk away from me. But please, please, don't keep me here too long; You know I cannot stay.

Its not fair that you can spell out double you but not "H". Ach? Aych?

So basically Im just writing so that blasted picture will get the heck off the top of the page. What should I tell you tonight?

I had hot chocolate today between classes and it warmed my soul, or at least my mouth. Instead of "soul" I typed "sould", and I do that nearly everytime. I guess its becuase its a lot like "should" or something. . .

I cant wait for next weekend, and the next. I'm probobly going to not appreciate the time until then as much as I should.

I havent done my homework for days. It isnt going to be any fun trying to catch up.

Well, this isnt very interesting for you or me. Maybe I could tell a secret. Wait, do I know any secrets? And if I did, it wouldnt be very nice to tell it over the internet. I know, I'll make something up. (Jaqueline has a crush on Sergio) Now who the heck are Jaqueline and Sergio? You should make a story for them and tell me. Thats your homework. If you dont do it. . . there is absolutely no negative consequence, but how would you feel about yourself?

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Will you marry me?

Do try to contain your jelousy.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Have you had sex with a man who's had sex with a man before 1980?

I just read some random article about understanding how things you value affect your happiness, and it listed things like curiosity, social contact, acceptance, order, honor, power, tranquility, romance, ect. . . . and it defined each term. It defined romance as pursuing or having sex. What is wrong with the world? Geez.

At the blood drive today the lady kept wiggling the needle around in my arm and now I have this unreasonably large hole in my skin.

My dad actually liked the music I played in the car today.

I'm sleepy.

"The grass is greener over the septic tank" Yeah, someone said that today.

So fed ex says my shirt will be here tomorrow. I'm much excited.

I'm really liking The Wedding. "My strength is not determined by never messing up, but that every time that I fall down is one more time that I will get back up"

Monday, September 26, 2005

You have the most amazing eyes.

Wow, I had so many short posts there for awhile. I do have a lot to say, but they haven't been things you would want to hear about. Like, the general girly stuff, "Guess what _______ did/said today? Does that mean he likes me? You should see his smile, and those eyes of his. . . " Blah. Blah. Blah. And then more ranting about Relient K having a new video out or seeing live music at the coffee shop. Or my dads car getting vandalized this time. Or I cant wait to go to the concert, or the "road trip." These things I talk about all the time.

I decided I'm not a very good listener. Or at least not a good enough listener, so I'll try harder from now on. I feel like I do more talking than listening. Of course, this is my own personal space to rant, rave, babble, and so on, so I will.

I have class at seven and I don't like this class. I was seriously considering skipping it but then I would feel guilty about it for a week. I can never do anything wrong, even if its not really wrong. But anyway, Im just wasting time until class starts.

Happy thought: there will be live music at Kidd Coffee Friday AND Saturday this week. Fun times. Maybe I'll go both days. Saturday I went by myself to find that there was no music at all. It wasn't a total loss as I did get an orange creamsicle and I got to say hi to Robbie and Jena.

You know what? I really value purity. I don't cuss, smoke, or drink. I've never even held hands or kissed anyone. And I'm not saying I wont hold hands or kiss people I'm not married to, but my kisses wont be cheap, they won't be given away to just anyone. You see, I see my purity as a gift I am storing up for my future husband. And I hope that he is doing the same for me. And anyway, it just really. . . I'm looking for a word, annoys? me when people act like my purity is a handicap, or fault or something. GRRRR. My future husband will think its special, not something to deal with. I think I'll stop talking about this because I get more upset the more I think about it. *deep breath*

And while I'm complaining. . . one thing that I don't like is when people say they are going to do something and then they don't. I don't care if its big or small. If you cant seem to handle the little things, why should I trust you with the big things? Don't tell me you will do this or that if you don't plan on doing it.

Im done with the negative.

Hey, if you think something nice about someone, you should tell them, it would make them feel good and it wouldn't cost you anything at all. I'm definitely going to try that one. The only time I feel strange about doing that is when people smell nice or they have pretty eyes, I don't know why, but those just seem like weird things to say to people. But I'll try.

Okay now, its time for me to go get my frapp before class.

God bless you
(I love you?)

Sarah Jo

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Something happy:

I just thought of something happy to share. I got my oil changed at Jiffy Lube and they were SO nice. They opened doors for me and called me Miss.
I dont have anything exciting to say. Im happy! Yay! I'm all wound up with antipication, I can feel it in my fingertips.

Okay, I give.

Christopher just told me that its a great day for washing cars. Do you think he's trying to tell me something?

(Next, mom will be telling me its a great day for washing laundry.)

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I keep getting distracted. . .

I like a boy again, gosh darn it. Isn't it great?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My AC says, "BOOM boom BOOM boom"

Last night I fell asleep at seven and didn't wake up again until morning. That was awesome. I was(am?) getting sick and I needed the down time. In other news, my air conditioner broke. This makes me much sad. Oh well, at least it is fall and not the middle of the summer. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

I should really be doing other things right now, so I guess I will

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I've got that extra dose of happy when you are near,

and I hate it because I miss it when you are not here.

Monday, September 19, 2005


So, I am lacking in the photo-taking skills department, and trying to take pictures of things in glass frames doesnt work so well, but. . .

These are the three that made it on the wall tonight:

And these are the three that didnt:

Arent they pretty?

What would your t-shirt say?

I have a BOT exam tomorrow and I've found that the greater the stress involved, the greater the effort to procrastinate. That might just be me. There is a fly in my room. Hey, guess what? I found these picture frames that are so perfect for those paintings I got in China. I'll have to take a picture and show you. Oh, and I ordered a custom made shirt today from neighborhoodies. Im much excited. Its navy blue and it says "RULE FOLLOWER" in pink on the front and it has pink hearts. Fun times. Only half of my frames are up now. I got an extra frame and printed out three pictures that I took in black and white and it looks so cool and artsy (and I'm neither)

I had a great weekend. A great day. La la la. Fluffy happy stuff. Take some, I have plenty.

Okay, I'm done.

Sarah Jo

Sunday, September 18, 2005


I'm pretty sure the day couldn't have been any more perfect.

Right now I'm particularly excited about the frames I found for those funny-sized paintings I got in China. Oh my gosh, they are so perfect.

So many good things, it would take forever to share them and I'm pretty sure the coffee I've had today is starting to wear off.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I pretended to play piano today.

Anticipation, constant motion, and noise are my happiness. I find my sadness in disappointment (of hopes too lofty), silence, and stillness. Music is a drug I cannot live without. I don't like unexpected events, but I do like a bit of spontaneity once in a while, as long as I get to decide. I just hate bugs, especially the kind that touch me without my permission, like that spider in BOT today. . . I try not to worry, but I do. I think I'm apathetic about a lot of things that should concern me but I don't care enough to think about it. It still surprises me when people listen. I thought I had more to say along these lines, but my thoughts have shifted.

Kaitlynn cried and reached out for me when I left today. What a great feeling. I mean, I don't like to make small children cry, but I do like being wanted so much they she would cry when I left. That sounds terrible.

Lots of happy stuff today. I met with my advisor and she fixed my freak-out moment and made it all better. I did well on my tests (I think), I had dinner and shopping with Joanie, Elisabeth, and Kaitlynn. I. . . got to talk to Katy. One of the answers on one of my tests was "Xanadu" how great is that?

I really like my classical mythology course. I wish I had someone to talk to about all the wired stories I'm learning. . . I'll just have to go up to random people and say, "Did you know that Athena was born from the forehead of Zeus?" And they will give me strange looks and back away slowly. . .

I took a quiz to find out which goddess I was. Apparently, I'm Hestia, goddess of the hearth. One of three virgin goddesses. Yeah, she keeps the home fires burning.

Okay, I'm done now. Goodnight.

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


Take me away
to a place where Ill be safe
I don’t
I don’t
I don’t want to hurt

Take these years
and all my tears
I don’t
I don’t
I don’t want to hurt

I’ll forfeit my memories
all the beautiful things
that I’ve seen
as long as
I don’t
I don’t
I don’t hurt anymore

I thought I wanted to feel
I thought that would make me real
but now I don’t
I don’t
I don’t want to hurt

I have no idea what you are talking about. . .

I'm pretty stressed just now and I don't have any way to relieve it. Usually, when I'm stressed there is something I can do about it, to fix it somehow. For example: if I'm stressed about having a test, I study. You know what I mean? But this just stinks, because apparently I'm supposed to know what's going on and I don't and all I can do is wait for a response and what do I do until then because I DO have a test tomorrow but who can study when they are stressed about something so much more important and is this sentence ever going to end? I know my thoughts are all running together as impatience takes over and I lose that self-control that I cling to oh so tightly. . .

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Imaginary sand castles

My dream was so vivid I can still feel the cold, gritty, sand under my toes.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I heart you.

I've got so much to look forward to. The Ren fest, the RK concert, and now Fall Holiday. Ashley J wants me to come visit her on fall holiday. She is in Hillsdale, MI. I'm nervous about driving 5 hours by myself, but Robbie said he would go with me if he didn't work, so I hope he goes. I'm so great at getting lost.

I spent the day driving around with my parents. We got lunch and visited the grandparents. It was fun, and it involved a stop at the coffe shop, so thats always great.

Im sad, because my car cd player wont play mp3's. And apparently I cant get another radio, or I would have to have 2 radios, the factory one doesnt come out or something. Sadness, but not for long.

Well, goodnight.

Sarah Jo
I got lots of hugs today. Isn't that the greatest?

I've listened to this song 26 times in 3 days.

I should go to bed, but I just want to communicate. I want to talk. I want to say so many things that I wont say. The words are reverberating inside my head. I want to go out and do things and experience life and new people. I want a new relationship because it is exciting and scary and fun.

Sometimes I think about who might be reading and what I might be comfortable telling you or you. I know that person A disapproves of me sharing so much. Person B truly listens. What do I do? I'm not really living for your approval, after all.

So here I go:

Sometimes I feel like I'm this vacuum of need and I might swallow you whole if you attempt to get too close.

Sometimes I feel so full of life and love and energy that I hate you for trying to take it from me.

Sometimes I don't know who I am. I don't know anything about me. Like I'm so blind to myself. And I get so caught up in trying to be better than I am, that I only see the parts lacking in me.

Sometimes I get so comfortable in my routine that I think I could go on forever doing the same things. Then, other times I hate it because it is missing the one thing that would make me forever happy, and I haven't found it yet.

Sometimes. . .

I don't know what I want. I don't know where I'll go from here.

"Life is but a breath, don't waste it." - The Wedding

I guess I'm done.

Sarah Jo

Friday, September 09, 2005


I'm so full of happy today. I wish I could figure out why so I could do it on purpose everyday. Anyway, happiness. Oh, several customers got really mad at me today and that took some of my happy away, but then I got a frappicino and the happy followed. Well, it wasn't just the frappicino, but the really nice people working at Kidd coffee. You should go there, and see the nice, happy people that work there. Or not, you know, because I don't want to tell you what to do.

My three new CD's came in the mail today. Relient K eps. Yep. I'm listening to them now. I cant type and pay attention at the same time. Its not working well.

Chris and I discussed the art of putting french fries on your hamburger today. Also, he said I should put one of his songs on my blog. I told him I would as soon as he wrote one free of cussing, drugs, sex, and violence. So, I guess you won't be experiencing my brothers rap songs any time soon.

Okay, so, I'm going to watch a movie with my dad soon.

Oh, this person I've never heard of is playing at Kidd coffee tomorrow and I want to go.

I'm sleepy. I couldn't go to sleep last night. I'm blaming it on the coffee. Yesterday was the first time I've had coffee, and it was pretty gross. But I drank half of it before I realized just how gross it was. I'm having bad taste flashbacks, and then it stole my sleep from me. Gross.

Oh yes, movie.

I've said "oh" a lot.


Sarah Jo

Hey, do you remember

the suncreen song?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

New music for Sarah Jo

I got iTunes and downloaded some new songs. I have to share this one with you.

But a Breath by The Wedding

This is what happens when I leave out the structure:

I want to SING. La, la, la. I thought I could, and I know I would if I had the courage to be brave. I know your name and see your face. La, la, la, la. Im just making it up as I go along. I would sing you the sweetest of songs. . .

I wish I could play the piano. In music class today we wrote a short melody as a class. It was so cool. And it was pretty. I want to write music. Its like I have all this song in me and no outlet for it. Of course, talent would be a major consideration and I'm pretty sure I lack the necessary creative abilities and music reading skills. Anyway. . . that will be my make-believe when-I-grow-up dream.

Consume me
I want to be consumed by you
take me
I want to be taken with you
let everything that I am
be everything that you are
and tell me what to do
tell me what to say
for my words aren't enough
I'm never enough
never without you
and let me breathe you
tie me up and bind me with you
hold me
closer and closer and closer
never let me run away
I'll do as you say

So that wasn't planned. It doesn't feel done either. I think I'll call it Captive.
Now I've run out of things to say and it feels strange posting a poem so naked, but I want to post it because its exactly how I'm feeling right now. And sleepy. Definitely sleepy.

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

(Please excuse the language.)

HOLY CRAP! How did I forget about the Renaissance Festival?

*is much excited*

Sarah Jo

More Relient K nonsense.

Wow, so there is going to be a string quartet tribute to Relient K. You can see the track listing here, but you have to scroll down quite a bit.

Also, you can listen to the whole thing streaming, but you have to register. Still, its free. So, if you are interested go here and register (at the top) and then scroll down and go into the "registered users listening room" You'll find Relient K in there someplace. Its so good.

Hey, did you know that they are going to be in Kings Island in October?

Okay, I'm done.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

I think I had three dreams.

Wow, I had a bad dream last night. Well, I guess it wasn't too bad because I wasn't scared or anything. I dreamed I was on some sort of journey with this group of people and all of a sudden it was the end of the world. This huge volcano just pushed itself out of the ground right in the middle of a cornfield. We had to run to get away from the lava falling from the sky. And then the earth started cracking open along rows of corn and lava was spewing out the cracks and the group got separated and it was just me and this girl. We finally got out of the fiery cornfield and entered the grounds of a scary looking mansion when every nightmare creature from every movie or book I've ever seen, and some I haven't started appearing and going after people. I was so scared at that moment that I decided to close my eyes because I thought if I couldn't see them, it wouldn't be so bad. I just held onto the girl I was walking with. But then these two creatures clothed in black came at us and I had to open my eyes. They pulled us apart and took her off and left me alone. I knew I had to keep walking. I was following a dirt path and just looking at the chaos around me and realized that I couldn't see anyone anymore. There was a sign on the side of the road made out of a cardboard box nailed to a stake. Written on it in big, black, sloppy, dripping, paint-letters, "This is all a bad dream" And it didn't occur to me until after I woke up that it was, in fact, a bad dream. But that wasn't the end. I remember realizing that the nightmares couldn't touch me. These nightmares were punishment for sin and I'd been forgiven already. With that thought, I knew there had to be other people out there somewhere. I wasn't alone anymore. As soon as I thought that, this boy comes around the corner of the path on a motorcycle. He smiled and I knew everything was going to be alright.

My very first thought when I woke up was: That would make a great movie!

Monday, September 05, 2005

At the family party today, we watched some home videos of old birthday parties, Halloween, thanksgiving, ect. . . One of the tapes was Laurens b-day party and it had Grandpa singing happy birthday to her on it. He was the only one singing. I cried. Will I ever stop missing him?

Sarah Jo


you don't do what you say
and you are always late
you make me feel inadequate
and unworthy of love
you only take take take
and you don't listen to me
you say things that you think
would hurt me
just to get a reaction
and you lie to me

How can you say you love me?

Sarah Jo

A music meme.

So I got this from m0st want3d 3ng!n33r. So basically you pick a band or musical artist and try to use their song titles to answer the following questions. Of course, I picked Relient K.

Name of the Band: Relient K

Are you male or female? Nancy Drew

Describe yourself? Those Words are Not Enough

How do some people feel about you? I am Understood?

How do you feel about yourself? Who I am Hates Who I've Been

Describe an ex boy friend or girlfriend: Less is More

Describe you current boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife: The One I'm Waiting For

Describe where you want to be: Balloon Ride

Describe how you live: Apathetic Way to Be

Describe how you love: From End to End

Share a few words of wisdom: The Only Thing Worse Than Beating a Dead Horse is Betting On One.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Care to share?

Take a moment, if you will, and think about something that makes you really happy.

Mine is God, music, babies, Relient K (yes, they are music but they totally deserve their own category), sunny skies, exciting new books, okay any books, pedicures, time with friends, mint chocolate chip frappicinos, and hugs.

That list isn't all-inclusive or in any order other than what I thought of first.

Now tell me yours.

Sarah Jo


Look at me and tell me what you see.
Am I everything you thought I'd be?
Do you find your hopes and dreams in me?
Can you see the inconsistencies?

Listen to the music of my soul.
It is changing more than you could know.
If you love me, you'll have to move oh so slow.
And that is something I don't say, I show.

I am innocence, naivete, and fear.
And I will run if you draw too near.
You have promised me that love will persevere.
I'll be waiting here.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Now my nails are Barbie pink.

Ashley and I had our "spoil day." It included a manicure, two frappicinos (each), dinner, and shopping. It was much fun. Now I'm sleepy. Goodnight.

Sarah Jo

Friday, September 02, 2005

"In time I will defeat this. . ."

I'm in this place again. I can feel the darkness under my skin. When I am happy I feel like I have wonderful sunshine inside, like Sunny-D in my veins. Today its grape kool-aid. Warm grape kool-aid. Eww. And the worst part is that when I'm in "a mood" I don't want out of it. Do you know what I mean? I just want to dwell in it for a good long time and feel sorry for myself. But I musn't do that. I must find my happy and get back to the sunshine.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, September 01, 2005

ta ta ti ti ta

I came and everyone was grumpy. And then they all left. Now, I'm alone. And hungry. And tired. But mostly happy. Boo on you grumpy people and your infectious blah-ness, get thee behind me! Or something. I'm going to go look for some food now, and people, but mostly food.

Sarah Jo