Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Caution: Wet floor! I spilled my soul.

So, Im at the library again and I find that Im going through blog withdraw. I don't have anyplace to dump my excess thought, so its all piling up inside me like dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. I want to talk and talk and talk and. . .

But there are still things I cannot talk about, for instance, the boy I like. I would love to go on and on listing all his wonderful qualities, but then, what if he reads this? That would only be good if he felt the same way, and, lets face it, no guy has ever felt the same way. Its a darn shame, it truly is. I wish I could just skip to the part where Im already married. I just dont think its normal for a person to be 18 years old having NEVER gone out with anyone. Does this doom me to a life of spinsterhood? I cant spend my life alone, I talk too much. I would at least like to have someone in the room even if they aren't listening to me.

Well, I have to go, it doesn't feel as safe spilling my soul in the library.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A mountain of carboard boxes.

Well guys, Im in the process of moving and do not have internet access for a bit. Right now Im at the library and my computer is mad at me for cheating. Anyway, as soon as I get my internet all straightened out, Ill tell you about the horrors of moving.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I feel like such a little girl.

So, is it terrible that I still LOVE Disney movies?

The plant formerly known as Tiny Tim

When I found Tiny Tim lying there on its side I replaced it in its original position and added some more dirt to support it, hoping that it might survive. Today, Tiny Time grew a leaf! It survived! It shall forevermore be called Jesus, because it died and rose again on the third day.

Sarah jo

Happy anniversary

This is officially my blogs one year anniversary. Exciting, no? It has had many names. I believe the first name was "Pink, Poetry, and Pimpin Cars" and one was "Honestly Me" and it seems like it was "Orange Juice" for awhile. Am I right? I don't know. The page was orange. . . At any rate, lets all put on our party hats, or not.

Sarah jo

Dancing in the Shower

The water washes away my inhibitions
and I become a living waterfall
the music of the droplets
colliding with the floor, walls, me
bends my knees, raises my hands, rocks my hips
and I am a writhing amazon queen
moving to the rythm of nature.
Steam from the hot springs rises
around my ankles
and the sun warms my closed eyelids.
The water cleanses even my very soul
with is hypnotizing
dum-da-dum da-dum
I open my eyes
and suddenly
it is only the bathroom

Sunday, June 12, 2005

"Your love is extravagant"

I just really love going to church. I don't want leave when I'm there and I can't wait till next Sunday when I leave. I love Chad's sermons and I especially like worship. Going to church helps remind me that anything that goes on in my life is temporary. It is so much easier to deal with things when I know that something so much better comes after this. THIS is my happy face.

Sarah jo

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Someone Killed Tiny Tim

I named all my little pumpkin plants. They are Buddha, Bob, Shaquita, and Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim is the one that survived the rain storm and growing upside down. I have nursed it back to health twice. This morning, I go to water my plants and I find Tiny Tim ripped out of the pot and laying there on its side. I cried. The poor thing survives storm and defect only to be ripped from its roots. I mourn Tiny Tim. I put so much work into it only for someone/thing to kill it. This is not my happy face.

Sarah jo

Friday, June 10, 2005

I had a wonderful day, did you?

I want to talk to someone. You know those times when you don't know someone very well, and you have your first "real conversation"? I mean, that time you talked FOREVER about all kinds of things and you decided that you actually really like this person? I want one of those. I want to talk about God, love, tomato sauce, whatever. I want to see that excitment in your eyes when we land on a subject you are passionate about. I want to see you smile as you remember something special that happened that one time with that one person, you know?

Im not afraid to look into your eyes anymore, I have nothing left to hide. I am no longer the pretender.

I am not a product to sell, I won't try to hide my flaws. If you know me long enough, you'll figure them all out anyway. And if you can't handle them, I would rather find out now than later when I love you.

My mother says I'm demanding. When I want something, I want it done right now, drop everything for me. Okay, I agree.
My close friends say I am undecisive. I think this only applies to things like, where to eat, what movie to see, what to do today. If its not a big deal, then I want to do whatever makes you happy. If I really cared, I would say so, after all, I am demanding. *wink*
I say that I am not very compassionate. If thats a flaw, I don't have any plans on improving it in the near future. Dont come to me for sympathy. Chances are, whatever situation you are in right now is partly your fault, and chances are, you don't want to fix it, you want someon else to fix it while you whine about it. Not an ounce of compassion here.

Apparently you're still here. I assume you are either some degree of irritated with me, or you don't care about these things. Either way, good night, and I hope you have a great night/day. I really do.

Sarah jo

Thursday, June 09, 2005

"I am a friend of God, He calls me friend" - Michael Gungor

I feel sad and I don't know why, so I think I'll stop. I have the unexplainable urge to dwell on it, explore it, maintain it, but my favorite Bible verse tells me to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Those are all good, happy things. I should be happy and joyful. So, let me think of something happy. I don't know why I'm in such a mood. Everytime I come up with something happy, I immediately think of something not happy to replace it with.

Good things:

The Creator of all things knows me completely and loves me completely.
I am safe, warm (well, actually cool), with a roof over my head and food in my tummy.
I have a family that loves me.
I have year membership to Curves.
I will be moving to a better neighborhood and a better house.
I have a new "crush", which is always exciting.
Lots of good things I could continue to list, but I feel happy now.

And the bad things? Why list those? What would that accomplish? Listing good things reminds me how blessed I am and helps me be grateful. Listing bad things would make me sad, angry, bitter, or what have you. Why would I do that? I want to cherish the good things and forget the bad.

Battle won.

Sarah jo

"This is no place to try and live my life" -RK

My eyes are closed. My shirt smells of cigarette smoke. My glasses are sliding too far down my nose. My fingers are buried in the short length of my hair and my palms rest on my forehead. I can still taste that grape Kool-Aid and the cool breeze from the air conditioner is tickling the back of my neck. Beneath the comforting sound of the new acoustic Relient K song, I hear it hum. Right now, I want nothing more than to trace the lines of your hands with my fingertips.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

And by dad paid for the raffle tickets.

I cant remember if I shared it or not, so I'll share anyway: I won a years free membership to Curves! Im very excited. I won it from a raffle I joined at Relay for Life. Tomorrow is my first time going. Happy times. Now I just have to have the motivation to keep going all year. I have a real problem with starting things and not finishing them. I get really excited for awhile and then I lose interest. I guess we will see. I just really want to lose weight and be healthier, and this is a great start.

Well, I'm going to spend some time in a good book.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Proof that I am, in fact, a teenage girl:

I hate you because I love you so much. You are consuming me from the inside out like a wonderful disease. Your voice trickles through my veins like oxygen and the way you say my name. . . It makes me forget all other things and I only wish to memorize every fleck of color in those eyes of yours. I want to breathe you in. And I want so much more than that and I hate you for it, I really, really do.

Draw me

Watch me be creative. I'll leave you in awe of the beauty of my words. You will become addicted to the magic of my fingertips. When I dance in my secret place, I'll share with you the pattern of my footsteps, a photograph of a sandcastle. My lips will tremble and out will spill liquid silence and it will quake you. Move with me and I'll make your world spin forever beautiful. If you love me, then I'll love you, and we will be happy together, for a moment. Forget your social stigmas and look into my eyes. I will rescue you. I am innocence and youth and you are daring and mystery. But I will give you a new name, one that means "beloved to me" and you will always be mine.

So today Emilie says,

"Everybody lives in my neighborhood, even my neighbors!"

I love kids.

Monday, June 06, 2005

"Life after death and taxes"

Apparently, The Devil does exist, and he is very polite. You know, I think he has gotten quite a bad rap. So what if he likes to torture human souls for all eternity, at least he's honest about it, and you can't even say that about your mechanic. I'd join him if I hadn't already given my soul away to the Guy Upstairs. . . But you know, playing the harp and floating on a cloud sounds more like my thing than swimming in a lake of fire and brimstone. And since Im going to be a kindergarten teacher, I think I'd rather spend eternity with the child-like cherubs than demons. To each his own right?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Why is there a toaster in my closet?

So again, we are moving to a house that is only several blocks from where we are now, I sense a trend. Anyway, it takes packing your junk to realize just HOW MUCH junk there is. I found things I never knew I had. There were boxes in my closet that I don't remember filling, it was like Christmas all over again. So yes, I am taking a trunk full of junk (junk in my trunk?) to Goodwill tomorrow.

I am really excited about the move, but it will take a couple of weeks to get all the paperwork taken care of before we can actually move in.

New subject:
I have water in my ears, and that would be because I went swimming today.

Oh! Oh! Oh! My pumpkin seeds sprouted. Wait, did I tell you I planted pumpkin seeds? No? Guess what? I planted pumpkin seeds and they sprouted! Next I shall plant green peppers, because I heart them. My little pumpkin plants are so cute and fragile looking. I feel like a mother. It just feels so wonderful to see this thing come to life by the work of my hands. And I was so surprised that they even grew because I've never planted anything before and I was just playing around with them. Very exciting times. And the new house has a little raised garden bed thingy.

Doesn't it bother you when you have water in your ear and it wont come out? Its just sloshing around in there. I tried shaking my head, Q-tips, and my finger, all to no avail. Maybe I'll pray about it. Does God care about the water in my ear? I guess I'll find out.

Well kids, I've got work in the morning and I really like to sleep. So goodnight.

Sarah jo

Friday, June 03, 2005

Recipe box

Her best-kept secrets
are inscribed upon
index cards.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I cant spell camofloge so I say "army print"

I've had an army print filled day. I'm responsible for the decorating of our tent thing for our team at Relay for Life and we are doing and army theme. We are the Commandos against Cancer. Yep.

Well, thats all I had to share.

Sarah jo