Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Monday, November 29, 2004

Well, at least your breath smells good.

Yesterday I dressed up like an elf while at work. My manager was Santa Clause. We went out to the roadside and waved at people. I had the best time. Mr. Regensburg drove by, that was awesome. Fun times.

Eww, but today, I am sick. I do not like it much, but it will pass soon.

I got two estimates on my car today. One place said it would be $731 and the other place said $540. I need to get one more estimate and Ill send copies to the mad who hit me. Maybe he will pay. Maybe he won't.

Christopher has been suspended from school again. He drank an entire bottle of cologne on a dare. Idiot. I just don't know about him sometimes.

Yes, and that would be all the interesting things I have to say for the day.

Sarah Jo

Thursday, November 25, 2004

"I'm not sick but I'm not-" BOOM!

The food at Charlottes house was awesome. I enjoyed it much. After we ate, we sat around the table and talked for a long while and for the first time if felt like everyone saw me as an adult. Grandpa got all teary-eyed talking about God, and it warmed my heart. I love to hear Grandpa talk about God, it is reasuring. I felt like I had a place for once. After sitting and talking for a long while, I left with James and Chris in my car.

We were going to Jeanies house to help make dinner. On the way there, there was a traffic backup because of an accident. It was such a coincidence because I went a different way than I usually go, and the accident was blocking the road I usually take, so we could get through. Up ahead, people were stopped for some reason, and I had to brake pretty hard. I didn't slam on the breaks, but it was a fast stop. Then the whole car jumped forward; I had been rear-ended. My brother, Christopher, jumps out of the car with the intention of beating up the person who rear-ended us, but I grabbed his shirt and it ripped. Anyway, as it turns out, my bumper is a little scratched up, but the other cars front end is just destroyed. Awesome. Because the last thing I needed was to worry about car repairs. And so, the other guy doesn't have insurance, but I have unisured motorist, so my car will be paid for. Yeah, but Chris started crying and saying his back and head hurt, the drama queen. Everyones fine. My mom totally freaked, as expected. Now I have a story to tell.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Probably The Best Sarah In The World.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I certainly won't admit that, and I'm mad too, weather everyone is on her side or mine. I am not her personal taxi, ready to do her bidding at any time of the day. We wouldn't even have this problem if dad would get her a car, well, I know that's a bad idea too. But, I just hate driving her around. She wants to go to Carlisle and Franklin and back to Middletown and just swing by here and stop by there and it will only take a minute but it always takes hours before the whole process is done. And she always uses her mother as an excuse to make me feel guilty, to goad me into it. But, we never just go to grandma's house. We go to Penny's and the Palace and Pauls and the bank and here and there and oh my gosh I just want to go home. And now she tries to make me feel guilty because I had the audacity to tell her no, god forbid. And its working. But come on, you just don't wake a person up and expect them to cheerfully do as you bid. Its okay for James and Chris to sleep in till two in the afternoon, but heaven forbid I sleep past ten o'clock. I only have one day of the week when I am off school, and then I have to work. So this day, this one day, I had no obligations that required me to rise from my bed, and then she wakes me up and asks me to drive her to grandma's. I tell her not right now, later. She goes on and on and on. My goodness, leave me alone, I just woke up, go away, just go away. And right now she is going on about how much she does for me and how I don't appreciate her and I treat her so badly and . . . Dad agrees. Huff. Just Huff. I would leave except there is no where for me to go after midnight. I feel trapped and angry and hurt. Why must there be this continuing guilt inducing drama fit? I HATE DRIVING HER AROUND! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And I cannot wait until I can move away and live by myself with no people to worry about. Just leave me alone and go away. Go far, far, away.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Mmmm Scones

Today, I spent at least forty minutes sitting in a coffee shop just reading, drinking hot chocolate (because hot chocolate is for cool people) and eating a cinnamon chip scone, yummy. I was a beautiful, beautiful forty minutes. You should go there; it was called Java Johnnys and it is located in the same plaza as Capozzi's on central avenue. Or better yet, we could go together and we could sit and talk together over a couple of scones or biscotti, whatever your pleasure it. Yes, definitely soon.

and. . . there is this cool company called Neighborhoodies and I heart them. Its basically where you can design your own shirt or hoodie. It looks so fun. I want to get a couple. One is definitely going to say something about relient K, and the other will say something about me. But what should it say? Any suggestions? I was thinking maybe Geek Chick or abs(me) or some such. Im not completely sure, but suggestions would be greatly appreciated. What should I have written across my chest? Haha, okay, Ill let you think on that one.

And Creepy-crawly bugs too.

Ug, girly guy-liking feelings and I hate them. I wish they would go away, along with my allergies, because I hate my nose itching too.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Tommu Soup, Godiva Cheesecake, Quidditch, Ugly Golf Shoes, Pancakes, ect. . .

Yesterday was awesome (yesterday being Monday.) From the moment I first opened my eyes to the moment I drifted off into unconsciousness, it was beautiful. Not a bad thing happened, not one. And so many fun things happen. It is nice how much fun just spending time together can be, whether that is sitting in my car talking or watching Harry Potter on the big screen in your basement. I got to spend time with a whole bunch of people yesterday, more than I would have thought so. In this order I saw: Ashley, Tommy, Ashley, James, Mom, Ashley, Joanie, Charles, Elisabeth, Jeanie, Lauren, Ben, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. It was awesome. AND. . . I got to go to the cheesecake factory! AND, I got to shop at salvation army. AND, I got to watch two Harry Potter Movies. AND, I finally got the flight plans for China. I mean, come on, can you think of something better?

Today, I had an exam, that was extremely easy (maybe too easy, but I'll have to wait to see on that one.) So, I got to leave class early. James and I went to Goodwill, where I purchased a desk lamp (that I've been needing) a bunch of plastic sticks, (perfect for rock candy making) a pair of pants for James, and a big foofy petticoat! Then, we went out to lunch at Chick-fil-a, and then we went to the library and UDF (I made him sit in the car for that part) and then we made rock candy. After that, I went upstairs to write in my blog. I wrote, "Yesterday was awesome. . . "

Sarah Jo
a.k.a abs(Sarah)
a.k.a Slavery Jo

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Our Conversations change from words to "blah blah blah"

Rachel is home and I get to see her and that makes me happy because I heart her. And Ashley is on her way over right now, and that makes me happy too. Oh, Ashley Clay. And James and Chris are gone for the moment, happiness. I don't have to work again till friday and even then I get off by noon, happiness. No school wed thru sat, happiness. Im now comfortable with leaving for china on December 8th, happiness. So, maybe the world can be butterflies and rainbows even if there are not happy things going on too. Sorry about my. . . no, I'm not. I can be things other than happy without apologizing for it. The situation here is unacceptable and I wont pretend it is. But right now Im happy. Sleepy, and happy.

More complaining from my end.

Lately I feel like I am drowning in the sadness, and it is inescapable. I cannot handle all these things at once, I want them one at a time. Im not happy. I said, I am not happy. Im screaming this and they don't listen to me, they pacify me and promise it will all get better. Your words do not sooth me if they are not followed by action. I am not happy. I am frustrated and angry and hurt, everday. Every Single Day. And it all started when HE got here, and I dont like it, and I dont like him.

Just goodbye.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Hear that? Thats the sound of a good grape.

I just watched Tuesdays with Morrie. Now, I dont cry over movies, but this movie made me cry. I cried at the part where they said goodbye for the last time. It made me sad because I never got to say goodbye to my grandpa like that, he was unconcious for the last week. I dont even remember the last time I saw him while he was awake. I miss him so much. Its so strange how I didnt miss him so much at first, I never saw him more than once or twice a month. BUt, I never ever went this long without seeing him.

WHat do I do when the pain doesnt get any better and no one wants to talk about it? Why cant we talk about death without getting uncomfortable. I love him still, even if he is gone, maybe more now that he is gone. I can cry and cry and never feel any better about it. I miss him. And there are no words for what I would want to say.

Just make it go away, please.

"Red Like Your Head"

So, I was listening to that mix cd you made me, today. Consequently; I thought of you all day long. And then I saw this lady in a Lumina that was the same color as your Monte Carlo and her hair was the same shade as yours and she looked like you and I was amazed. And it made me miss you.

But anyway, Im in a much better mood now.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Yeah, I said it.

Well, I was in a good mood for about five whole minutes. THen, I spent two minutes with Christopher. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to stay here and I dont want to leave. I cant leave right now, I've got so many things to do. . . Why cant he just behave? Or why cant my parents follow through with a punishment? I mean, really. If the kid gets suspended from school you dont let him have friends over for the weekend, it just doesnt make sense. He is failing his classes and he is cutting himself and he is out of control and they just let him do what he wants. I feel like Im the only one concerned here. I do this becasue I love him. I dont want him spending time with the people he skipped school with. I dont want him hanging out with the boy who sells him tobacco. I love him and I want the best for him. If he doesnt straighten up he is going to do something stupid with lasting effects. They say he is just a boy and that boys do these things. Well, hes going to have a hard life if he doesnt go to college, and hes not going to go to college with a D average. "Boys will be boys" I dont accept that and it angers me. Gender does not excuse behavior. Can we just throw away the double standard and start over? We need rules: If you do this, this will happen. Well, he did this, consequences now need to happen.

Whatever. Ill just sit here and watch him hurt himself for the next several years. Good luck.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

It was PMS.

Sadness. Turns out we are leaving for china a week later than I had planned. That means that I have to change all my plans with the Profs, again. Darnit. And I dont want to wait another week. Im sad. Dont talk to me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Cake IN ice cream?

So, I managed to lock my keys in my car today. That was no fun. And consequently, I locked myself out of my room. I managed to get Christopher to break into my room for me, since he obviously knows how. (And while he was breaking into my room I noticed rows of red lines on his arm that looked an aweful lot like cut marks. Um. . why?)

At the moment, I am waiting for my parents to get home with the spare key so I can go back to Joanies house. Yeah.

I had so much fun with Elisabeth last night; we had a real heart-to-heart. It was like talking to an adult, almost, you know except, a lot more fun. Fun times.

I'm sleepy.
I'm listening to music while I type. I do not usually do this because I cant think well enough to write, and I keep typing the lyrics and erasing them. "Stuck watching our lives blow up. . ."

Well, I'll just make sure and use parentheses when I feel the urge to type the lyrics. Of course, I cant type the music because it will all look like "duh nuh nuh duh nuh duh nuh nuh nuh" Yeah.
"knowin that youll save me"

Coherent thought will be forthcoming.
For some reason we have confetti-cake flavored ice cream in our freezer. I tried it. Now, I never have to eat it again. If something tastes like confetti cake, which it did, it should feel like confetti cake too, you know?
"Death and decay cant touch us now!"
It was schwans brand ice cream.
"Every breath that I inhale is followed by exhaling"
Sarah Jo

MORE drama. . . ug.

So, I took Chris' wireless internet hub thingy so that he could not access the internet anymore. This made him very mad and he came into my room and told me as much. I told him that if he wanted to use the internet, he should pay the bill.
He needs to do his homework, he says.
The library is down the street, I say.
I don't have a library card, he says.
Its only two dollars to replace it, I say.
I don't have two dollars, he says.
Sounds like a personal problem, I say.
Give it back, he says.
Give it back.
. . .
Me: DO you really belive that repeating the same sentance over and over is an effective argument? Do you think thats going to make me change my mind?
Give it back.
Get out.
Give it back.

Whereupon I try, unsuccesfully, to push him out. Then, I just packed my bag and left, taking the modem with me. No one is getting on the internet at the house without me.

Drama Drama Drama.
And Im staying the night at Joanies house again.

Sarah Jo.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Either its PMS or life sucks.

I've cried twice in two days, respectively, and I havent cried in a long while. First, my two pairs of "work" shoes (brown and black, of course) broke and I didnt have any money to buy new shoes or any shoes I could wear to work. Then, last night I went into the bathroom [Insert something graphic here] in the bathtub and I was completely disgusted. Stupid older brother. Cant he rinse the bathtub out? Consequently, mom bleached the bathtub this evening.

Then, I had to cut my brothers off from the internet because Christopher didn't pay his half of the bill, and my mother goes through the trouble of finding my hidden key to plug the internet back in so she could play yahoo games in Chris' room. I decide to then abolish the practice of key-hiding, as well as revoke the key I gave to my father to lock in the safe (in case I locked myself out of my room) Im going to put all my eggs in one basket (or all my keys on one ring) because its easier to protect one basket from the wolves. ANYWAY. . . I come up to my room and notice that someone has carved away the area around my doornob, making it easy to break into my room with a credit card. Why do I even try? Cant people just leave my things alone and stop stealing things? And I think that if everyone else in the house wants to use the internet, everyone else should help pay the bill, you know? I just feel so violated! How long has the door been like that? Whats wrong with me locking my room? Which brother had the nerve to carve away at my door? Oh my gosh, I need prozac.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

The Hot July Moon Saw Everything.

Im sitting here in my room not watching Stepford wives because my parents decided to start watching it before I got home from work. 48 minutes before I got home from work, to be exact. And this is supposed to be balanced by the fact that they saved the "better" movie to watch when I got home. Its a cop/shooting/illegal activity/chasing/shooting/blowing things up kind of movie. Not my favorite.

And, Im done whining.

On my way home from work tonight I was singing bad country music as loud as I could, " I try to think about Elvis, Memphis, . . . " Yeah, it was great. It reminded me of Ashley (Jelonek) and I on the ride home from columbus singing "Strawberry Wine" Wow, girls rock, dontcha think?

Friday, November 12, 2004

Oh, thats what the y chromosome does.

I just took my brothers and one of my brothers friends to UDF for milkshakes. The lady there was very rude to us. I normally ignore this until I get out to the car, but apparently James and his friend couldn't wait that long. James said, "Rude!" and the other guy made some pretty rude comments. YOu would think that two fully grown men would be mature enough to not behave like asses in public. Im so embarresed. How can I go back there again? Im certainly not taking them anywhere anytime soon. Stupid boys. Stupid Children.

How long has my fly been open?

I dreamt I was at a combination swim meet/speech giving contest. I was really stressed out. And then, I went home during the intermission and I had to fight zombies. I was winning (because I had a machine gun) until the zombie dalmations came after me. At this point, I locked myself into the pantry/utility closet with some random people. I woke up cold. Strange dreams.

Wow, Ive stayed up way too late reading poetry. Gnight.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Translucent Life

Light dances in the water droplets
on my fingertips
like beautiful
And some of the same
fall onto my cheek
heaven cries for me.
And passers-by
mutter under their breath
squeeze tighter
thier umbrellas
but I celebrate
the falling rivers
from the sky.

Jesus- The Founder of Modern Business

Im really just wasting time because I do not want to do my homework. Im so tired of homework.

My brother, Christopher, got caught chewing tobacco. Stupid head. Whats wrong with him? He told me hes been chewing tobacco for a year now. Im so disappointed in him.

And. . .

I made chicken fried rice today and it did not taste so good. Eww, I had to touch raw chicken and everything. And all for crappy chicken fried rice. I don't cook so well. Eh. Who cares?

Umm, and I paid five dollars to join some poetry website where you submit poetry and people review it and stuff. Except its not even worth it because then you have to review 7 peoples poetry for each one poem you wish to submit and pay five dollars a month. Come on, I can post poetry on here for free. So what if no one reviews it. The people reviewing my poetry on that site are just people doing seven reviews so they can post a poem too. Stupid internet. I could have eaten lunch with that five dollars. . .

Well, my history exam was not bad today. After class, I took my mom to her mothers house and I visited Elisabeth in the process. When I left she said, "I love you Say-Ah!" and I said, " I love you, Elisabeth." So she says, "Then you stay all night with me?" and I said, "No honey, I have homework to do." And she says, "You do homework at my house in you bedroom" That just breaks my heart. I sure love that child. Sigh.

Ah yes, I must do the homework now. Gosh darn it.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Life as a spectator sport.

Howard Keel died. Grief counseling will be available at my house all day Monday in person or by phone.

Will the fan club survive this tragedy?

I think Im going to go watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and cry myself to sleep now.

Sarah Jo

You can call me Alice, because that's my name.

Happiness. Its funny how when you want something, and you get it, like going to a concert for instance, it just makes you want it more often. Like, I saw Relient K in concert, and now I want more than ever to see them again. That just made it ten times harder. And even though I just saw you, I want to drive over to your house and spend some more time with you. Too bad other things get in the way. One day our schedules will cross paths again. The x and y axis have to meet somewhere, right? And that place is where all the exciting stuff happens.

So, I came home from work last night and Ashley Clay was at my house! Yayness. And she and Christopher were whispering about something and would not share with me what that something was. Then, James comes in the room and says, "Did you like your new chair?" That freak, he ruined the whole surprise. Anyway, thank you Ashley, thank you very much.

And then, we stayed up very late listening to Relient K, surfing the net, and talking about stuff. We woke up late. Then, after a long discussion of what to do with the day, we decided to go eat at Chi-Chis, except when we got there it was closed. So, we ate at Max and Ermas. We were going to go to the Danbarry Dollar Saver to see The village, but apparently it helps to find out what time movies start before just showing up. Yeah. Fun times.

I like seeing people. Its nice to be with friends.

Oh, I decided to wear a dress and jewelry today. Can you believe it? Its fun to play dress up, every once in while. But, I will never be one of those girls that spends two hours getting ready, fixing her hair and make-up. My hair is always out of control and frizzy. I don't care so much. And, I do not even own any make-up. My idea of putting on make-up is to use some tinted lip gloss, if its a special occasion. I just decided, if someone is more concerned with the way I look, than who I am, they are not the kind of person I want to spend time with anyhow. Appearances are temporary and fake, and they shouldn't matter. Even as I say this I know, appearances do matter to people, and I do care what people think about me. I sure hate it though, I really do.

New subject, I just wanted to express how much I hated my math test on Saturday. One of the questions was to list all the factors of 2160. You go ahead and do that, there are soooooo many, and Im not kidding. It took me forever. That's all I have to say about that.

A ladybug landed on me today and I got upset. It just reminded me of all those stupid cicadas. I just hate bugs.

Anyway, awesome weekend.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Remember when T-Sun ate that fly?

I love you because:

You make me want to be a better person.
You bring out the best in me.
You listen to me.
I can be me with you.
You always say the one thing I needed to hear.
You love me.
You make me laugh.
And smile.
I am not afraid to be mad at you.
You know me so well.
You do all the stupid things with me that no one else will do, like ride public buses and eat at stake and shake at midnight and dress up like pioneers and sew and make cantaloupe juice.
Everything you are.
You completely surprise me. Often.
Just thinking of you fills me with happiness.
Im comfortable with you.
You are beautiful ( and once again, I'm not talking about the physical.)
I cannot even put into words why I love you.
You anticipate me.
You reciprocate me.
Of who I am when I am with you.
You teach me things.
We learn together.
I can talk with you about weird things no one else understands.
I can talk with you about something as simple as my day or as complex as my relationship with God.
I like you.
Your intelligent.
I have known you for years.
I know you.
You are you.

I truly, truly love you.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

"I think you know what I'm gettin at"- RK

I am in the mood to say something really intimate, but I cannot think of anything. What could I say that I have not already said? What could I tell you that you do not already know? I would tell you anthing you asked me, well, except what the numbers on my calender mean.

"Somewhere in me, there is strength" - Relient K

This is hard. Here is this man that I have known all of my life, and all of my life he has been a stranger. I knew him every other weekend, and in the summer. Then he moved in with us, but a stranger, he remained. When he moved out, he all but disappeared and I saw him at Christmas and then for two minutes at thanksgiving when we took him a plate at work, and then at Christmas again. And now, here he is, living in the same house as me, and it is hard. It is difficult to share memories with a stranger. He still looks at me as a child, when I am the one who has done the growing up. He is everything I am not or would ever be. I love him and pity him at the same time. How does this work now? Do I still pretend I do not know what you do when you leave the house? Should I ignore all the bad things that you do?

And it is difficult to learn to live with someone knew, and this I have experience with. My younger brother and I were the only ones to ever come upstairs, so everything was just the way I wanted it, most of the time. But now he is here and there are a zillion things that he does that irritates me. I had finally gotten the other brother civilized, and now this. For instance, the clothes in the hallway, music loud with the door open, smoking in every room, squeezing the toothpaste from the top, leaving all kinds of random junk on the counter, not flushing the toilet. . . And OH MY GOSH, to top it all, he took my new handtowel from the bathroom sink, MY handtowel, the only one not located in my room, and he soils it by um. . . well anyway, I threw it away. Well, you better believe that I am not putting the other handtowel in the bathroom. I'll just wait until I get into my room to dry my hands now. Im so mad and disgusted. Out of all the towels in the whole house. . .

And his friend was here today. I put on my company face and said all the nice things one is supposed to say to strangers and smiled. They left together. I think he is staying all night with his friend again. Good. Very, very good.

I don't like boys.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake in-my-mouth.

Started out with me picking Ashley up for school. I sat through class, shifting in my seat and feeling antsy. Went home. Picked Ashley up from school. Went out to lunch with mom. Picked Ashley up for school. Well, and all kinds of other not important things. But then, we left for columbus. We ate a the Cheesecake Factory. That was fun. BUT, the concert was awesome. I sang as loud as I could. Oh man, I cannot wait for the next one. It was so worth everything. It was electric. I just love Relient K and the concert did not alleviate my Relient K excitedness. I am on that high I get after concerts. It will last for several days.

So, at the concert, the bassist, Brian, played his very last show with the band. It was sad and sweet. Matty T. hugged him. The band gave him a chain saw, because one summer when they were on tour, Brian said he was going to go home and buy a chainsaw and just cut stuff up all weekend. That was great. And at one point Matty hit Brian in the butt. I just thought that was cool. I knew all the songs they sang (even the new ones) except for Penny Loafer because that was on the All Work and No Play Cd that is no longer for sale, and I have never heard it before. [Insert Sad Face Here]

Ahh, but it was beautiful. God, I love that band. And we all got CDs too. Wowness. Its weird becasue there are no silly songs on this cd like on the other ones, but that is just fine with me because the more serious songs were always my favorite. It has a nice mixture of slow and high energy songs. I really love both. Its awesome when a song is about God and really high energy at the same time. And I swear, there is something really sexy about a man screaming out to God. At the concert they sang the song Am I Understood and at the part at the end when they scream, "Your voice has broken my defense, let me embrace salvation." I thought, now that is sexy. And guitar and drum playing guys are hot too. But, thats not why I like Relient K, thats just a perk.

So on to a different subject. I got home at almost 1am and everyone was asleep. When I went upstairs I heard a tv. It was coming from the spare bedroom. There, sleeping on the loveseat, was my 22 year old brother, James. I decided he had probobly gotten himself into trouble again and began my late-night routine.

After school I took my brother all around Middletown picking up and dropping off job applications. He is indeed out of a place of residence. We went out to lunch and got some movies at blockbuster. Everywhere we went, he kept pointing out all the hot guys (oh, he is gay, by the way.) and it made me realize that I do not look at that sort of thing. I am more likely to pay attention to the guy with the long hair and glasses wearing a LOTR shirt in the sci-fi section of the video store. I don't like "hot" guys. I like nerd, geeks, or what have you. They are safer. And Smarter. And Funnier. And more like me.

Oh! I voted! And I did not vote for any of those candidates that did not have anyone running against them. That made me mad. Why even have a vote? Those freaks. Ah well.

Note to self: Watch the news.

Do you think we will know who our next president will be this evening? I can't tell. I'll just wait and see. And I will be glad when it is over.

Sigh. Relient K. Heres a quote from the new cd. " No I don't hate you, don't wanna fight you. Know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you." Sounds like me when I am mad.

Hope to see those eyes of yours soon.

Sarah Jo