Wednesday, March 30, 2005

"The best thing you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don't mind" - Scott Adams

Ingredients for successful social living:
Express gratitude.
Give more than is expected.
Speak optimistically.
Touch people.
Remember names.
Don't confuse flexibility with weakness.
-Scott Adams

Two days in the sun has made my numerous freckles more pronounced and my skin a deeper shade of red, I will never tan.The weather has been beautiful and I have enjoyed it much. Today while walking at the park, I stopped and just appreciated the beauty of nature. Everyone else could have disappeared, for that moment, it was just the earth and me. I love driving with the windows down and the music too loud; it makes me feel free. I love a strong wind and a bright sun. I had all these things today.

Went out for Chinese with Joanie, Ashley, Elisabeth, and Kaitlynn. That was nice. I much enjoyed watching Kaitlynn eat. She had jello for the first time tonight and I liked the surprised look on her face. She really likes to eat. A very serious child, that one. She just looked around, absorbing everything in those endless black eyes of hers. I always wonder how children think before they can speak. Do they think in words? I don't even know if I think in words; if I try to think about it, I'm not doing it naturally. Its like thinking about blinking or breathing, you just mess it up if you try to observe it.

Exciting news, or exciting to me anyway, I got in the cohort. I just got an email this evening about it. Happy feelings.

Well, I have a paper to write and an exam to study for. I was just feeling very happy and I would like to share.

Oh, I just remembered this interesting little book I read. Its called Gods Debris. You should read it if you have time, because by the time I explained it here, I would have written the book over again. It is called a thought experiment. Its just full of interesting/crazy ideas that I do not necessarily believe but find intriguing none the less. I would say that it would be worth your time, and they have it at the library, so it is free. Read it and then I can talk to you about it.

Oh, oh, book club as awesome. We will be reading the Da Vinci Code.
Yes, the excitement spillith over.
Homework now, joy of joys.

Wo ai ni (I love you)
Zai Jian (Goodbye)

Sarah Jo

Monday, March 28, 2005

I think I'll read that vampire book next.

I'm weak, I did take a nap and I have no idea when grass was found in the fossil record. But I promise, it was my first nap in ages.

Book club tomorrow night. Fun stuff.

And I hope the sun shines and the rain stops so that I can go on a walk in the park. That makes me think, if life was, as they say, "a walk in the park", I would always be going in circles and never getting anywhere. Yes, yes, I know what the saying really means.

Well, Christopher wants to watch a movie with me and I think we could use some sibling bonding time. We've been very distant this last, oh, year. We used to be so close. . .
I think we are watching some move with Jet Li in it, joy of joys. I don't enjoy fighting movies but I he asked me to watch it with him. Goodnight all.

His name was Tate Sapa, and she loved him.

I recently finished a book about. . . well, thats complicated. But anyway, there was a Native American in the novel, and after reading it, I felt guilty for being white. No, more specifically, I felt terribly responsible for the way the Native Americans have been treated by the American settlers.

Well, theres not anything I can do to change the past. Still. . .

There are several things I should be doing just now, like reading about Romantic era music, finding out when grass was first found in the fossil record, or finishing my text analysis. Yet, none of them sound as appealing as a nap. . .

There will be no nap. Homework, it is.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

A call to worship.

I close my eyes
and rest my fingertips
upon the rough fabric
of the seat in front of me
to anchor myself to reality
lest I should float away
into You.

A feminine voice
flows out of the loud speaker;
she beckons me forward
but I do not come,
I will not come.

A shiver threatens to
move through my body.
It would start at my toes
up through my spine,
dance across my shoulder blades,
spin in my head
and blossom there,
but I swallow it down
and brace myself.
I refuse to be carried away.

The shiver nudges at me again
and a third time,
but three times, I refuse it,
even as the voice is calling
and telling me about choices
that I must chose to love,
I cannot be made to do it.

And I know You,
as often as I have turned from You
I know You.
And I recognize You here with me
as I make my guarded approach
but You have said
You wanted all of me.
And I fear,
a loss of control.

even as my feet ache to move,
and my heart to surrender,
I press my fingers deeper into the
plush pink chair
lest I should float away
into You.

Friday, March 25, 2005

"Slip your hand in mine, ask me to dance with you tonight. . ."

I'm very picky about what I eat, and half of the time I don't like what we are having for dinner. If it involves hamburger, I don't like it. So, today I went grocery shopping for me. I purchased things I could make for myself when I didn't like what everyone else was eating. I felt all grown up and independent. It was quite fun. I also got some quick breakfast food because breakfast is important and I skip it all the time.

I filled out an application for the license bureau. It would be super awesome to work there.

Mmm, and I think that would cover all the exciting things that happened today.

Happy Good Friday (or something like that)

Sarah Jo

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Warum man eine fremdsprache lernt

I got my email. I didn't get into the cohort. I'll have to apply again.

My manager said I can have off or work the late shift every other Sunday.

My professor taught part of the class in German this evening. No, I'm not taking a German course.

Now, I must finish reading about the thumbless man. . .

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

At least I got one thing I was waiting for. . .

I've been checking my email obsessively. Is it there yet? No. Anything? No. What about now? No. Come on, come on. No.

Darn it.

I'm going to go check my email.

Sarah Jo

"She likes you Wednesday. . ."

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'll do when I transfer to Oxford. I know that this will not happen until the fall of 2006, but I do like to plan ahead (really ahead, in this case.) I think I want to live on campus when the time comes. Of course, I will probably change my mind a million times before then, but right now this is what I'm leaning towards. If I did live on campus I would want to live in a single or in apartment style housing. I have a few reasons for that. First, I just don't like the thought of having to drive to Oxford and back to Middletown everyday. I don't like driving that much, I get lost, and my car likes to break frequently. Second, (And I didn't get distracted this time) I want to get the whole college experience. I want to meet new people and be around teenagers. Third, I want to be more independent. Mostly I think, though, I like changing where I live. When I was younger, we moved all the time. I like to move. Lets move! I told my mom that I wanted to live on campus; she wasn't happy. I told her I wouldn't have to if we moved. Haha. But, to be real, I probably will never live on campus. I enjoy spending time with my family far too much to move away from them when it isn't necessary. I'll grow up and move out eventually.

Last night I dreamt I was at school or something and I kept running into this guy I like with his girlfriend. If only I had dreams like Rhianon, however you spell it. (I'm pretty sure that Ashley C. Is the only one how is going to get that one.)

Yesterday my mom found some candy I had hidden and forgotten about. It was a plastic heart filled with my favorite candy that my parents had gotten me for valentines day. I had hidden it so the boys wouldn't eat it. Heh. They didn't eat it. Well, I know Christopher wouldn't eat it because he hates nuts, but James is a living garbage disposal. Anyway, it was like getting a gift all over again.

I'm happy today. Content.
Now I need to do that lesson plan that was going to do everyday of spring break. Its due tomorrow. Nothing like a little pressure to get me motivated.

Well, thanks for taking the time to listen to me.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Fairy tales at the fossil park.

Field trip to Trammel Fossil park today. Wasn't horrible at all. It was quite pleasant, actually. Many, many rocks and a big, big hill. Kaitlynn talked me into climbing said hill. We found a fossil that looked like it had a twig of some sort in it. We then preceded to refer to it as "the great tree fossil" and made up a story about becoming an Indian goddess and falling in love with a warrior (this relationship would begin as a strong dislike, and then magically, love? I don't remember) It was very fun.

I just remembered that she gave me a romance novel about a thumbless man to read. Thumbless and sexy, she says. I personally still swoon over the thought of the winged formorian Lochlan, bless his heart. And, on to another subject.

After having all the brakes on my car replaced (pads and shoes) I (foolishly) thought that I was done with the maintenance for a time. Apparently not. Friday my car stalled in the middle of an intersection. I had my dad come rescue me, and then it ran smoothly. Dad said it would be near impossible to find a problem when it wasn't doing anything wrong. So, I drove the car all weekend, no problem. Today, it stalls twice and then when I go to drive back to school this afternoon, it will not go any faster than 15mph. Dad comes home and drives it, it drives fine. Tell me, what am I to do? I'm not making things up. I certainly don't want to get stranded somewhere because my car is broken. I don't want to drive it until the problem gets worse. I don't want to make my grandpa take the whole thing apart looking for a problem he can't see. Arg. I have to drive it. I have work and school and a life.

Okay. Slap to the face. Here I am getting all stressed out over something stupid. This is a machine, not my life. There are many more important things. This is not major, it will pass. There will always be something to worry about, to distract me. So, I'm done. I'll deal with the problem and not waste my energies worrying when I can do nothing.

Kaitlynn let me borrow her Bethany Dillon cd. The song that slapped me in the face says, "There are a million voices calling out my name. You're the one I wanna hear, so make the others disappear, You're all I need."

I'm thinking about getting a job somewhere else. I work nearly every Sunday. I want to go to church. I want to go to several churches and find one that is right for me. I haven't been to church in ages. Although my relationship with God is not dependent on my church attendance, I feel that I need a church base. There are several reasons for this, but I don't really want to list all the pro's of going to church. You know them, don't you? I've been reluctant to go for some time, but the time for that has passed. I've had some unpleasant experiences with teenage Christians. I've had them push me and push me until they nearly pushed me away from God. But I won't go into that either. Anyway, at the beginning of this paragraph I was trying to say that I want to get a job somewhere that I don't work on Sundays. I'll talk to my manager about it, of course, but I do not think she will like the idea of me not working them. There are already two girls that don't work Sundays. Maybe every other Sunday? I like my job. I like it a lot. But I will not choose it over this. Well, I'll tell you all about what happens next, I'm sure.

Now my fingers are REALLY cold. Do your fingers get cold when you type?

Good night then,
Sarah Jo

Monday, March 21, 2005

This is taking forever to load.

I met a nice stranger at the park today. (No, I'm not some stupid/naive young girl talking to random strangers. (Well, except the talking to random strangers part.)) Anyway, that was fun. Next, I need to meet a younger, smart, nerdy/geeky/dorky, Christian, male stranger who will ask for my hand in marriage and then walk/ride/drive away into the sunset with me. Or, I could just be content with meeting nice people at the park.

School tomorrow. I have a field trip to some fossil park place where I will be subjected to dirt-digging or something awful of the sort. I'm not an outdoor girl. Walking on the paved path through the park is all the nature I need.

And I didn't do my homework.

But on a good note, I walked 4 1/2 miles today and I consider that a milestone because the first time I tried to walk once around the park I thought I'd die before I reached the car again. So, my three times today is an improvement.
Stop laughing at me you healthy/in-shape people. I'm making an effort here.

And. . . . . . .
Sarah Jo

Sunday, March 20, 2005

"You've got some computer virus on your shoe"

Today was my first day back to work after vacation. Nothing exciting happened.

Relient K posted their tour dates. They are so going to be at Riverbend in July. I want to go. I think I'll just buy a couple tickets and kidnap someone and make them go with me! But for real, I would much rather go with someone who actually likes Relient K.

They are actually playing in Ohio THREE times, but the other two are way up north, and if I tried to drive that far I'd end up in Texas or something. Stupid navigational handicap.

Plan for tomorrow: Take mom to get tags for her car. Go see Grandma. Go for a walk. Homework. Buy concert tickets? Lunch with plus or minus Sarah?
Not in that order, of course.

I'm cold. Brrr.
Sarah Jo

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Good evening, good friend.

Rachel called earlier and invited me to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Before the show, we went to Frisch's where I proceeded to get vegetable soup all over myself. The show was great. I really enjoyed it.

After the show, we went out to the lobby to talk to people, like people do after shows. This part I didn't like so much. I feel so awkward in groups of people. I don't know what to say or who to talk to. All I could think of was that I shouldn't just stand there with my hands in my pockets, but I kept putting my hands in my pockets anyway. Why can't I just socialize like normal people instead of standing there trying to become invisible? I felt so frustrated and out of place. I like small, intimate groups better.

Well, theres no more I wish to say on the subject. I feel embarrassed already.


They played Beehtoven's Fifth at the Fashion Show.

Well, so much for walking today, its a bit cold and wet, and by a bit I mean really. I guess its just as well, I have homework to do anyway. Actually, I have a lesson plan to make on weather. Lesson plans aren't too bad, I just procrastinate too much.

The weather website thing says precipitation all week. Lets hope mother nature defies the meteorologists and becomes "sunny with a high of 75"
Ah, nothing like a little Relient K to brighten the day.

I love you too,
Sarah Jo

Friday, March 18, 2005

*Girl Moment*

This morning I could not talk my mother into walking with me, so I went all by myself. I saw *him* on the way to the park. Sigh. Um, oh yes, clear thoughts. I have to take James to court for possession today. Stupid boy. Do you know he still goes out and parties and gets drunk every weekend? I just want to say, "HELLO, JAMES! Do you want to go to jail?" Whatever. Anyway, my mother promised me that she would walk with me if I drove James to court, and so far they have both resolved to sleep until its time to go. I guess we will walk this evening.

I feel better after walking, like I'm doing something good for myself. But I don't much like doing it by myself. I'm not used to be silent for that long, ha ha. No, its just a nice way to spend time with someone. Its better and cheaper than a movie. In a movie, you just sit next to a person and not talk the whole time. I like to go to movies with people I talk to a lot, because then we are not missing out on anything. But if its a person I never see or talk to, I want to see and talk to them, not sit next to them.

I'm listening to that song over and over again. My favorite part is:
"I'll analyze the world and all it's people
concluding everyone is evil
I know
I have my faults
but I'd so much rather look at yours
and pretend I have none at all
But who am I kidding anyway?"

and the part where he says:
"I say if this is you, then woe is me" because on "me" his voice is just beautiful.

I know you do not want to read the 1001 reasons I like Matthew Theissen, but I just want to say one more thing. The songs he writes have a way of saying exactly what I feel, when I am unable to.

Alright, time to wake Mom and James up. *rolls eyes* Its 1:30 for goodness sake.

Sarah Jo

"I'm looking at a photograph of heaven. . ."

My current/new favorite song:

Thursday, March 17, 2005

I'm the holiday armadillo!

Today was beautiful. I started it by sleeping in. Then, because I could, I ate cake for breakfast. This turned out to be a horrible idea, but now I know that cake for breakfast doesn't work.

After my morning girl-hygiene rituals I watched two terrible old musicals: Xanadu and Grease 2. Now, I love musicals, but these two were just unbelievable. It was like a four hour cringe.

So, you can imagine how exciting the prospect of a walk at smith park sounded when Ashley J. calls me. We walked. When we got to the skate park I saw Aaron, a guy I used to have a crush on. After the hello's and how have you been's, we continued walking and I had a girl moment, giggles and all. Ashley promptly reminded me that I am, in fact, a girl, and am therefore entitled to girl moments. Needless to say, Aarons presence at the skate park was reason enough for a second lap around, but sadly, I did not see him again. *sigh* I remember how it felt to like him, he made it so easy, but I do not know him now. I know how much I have changed, I can only assume the same is true for him. Still, it takes me back to eighth grade. . .

Well anyway, I do believe I was going to work on that science project today.

I heart you,
Sarah Jo

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Last night I dreamt of airports.

I'm tired of being distracted by boys. In this culture, there is something wrong with a girl if she doesn't have a boyfriend. Buy this perfume and the boys will like you. Use this moisturizer and you'll be perfect, and you'll have the perfect guy. No, no, no, I cannot blame things on the media. That doesn't work. Blaming doesn't accomplish anything.

One too many romance novels leaves this girl disappointed with reality.

I would really like to talk about this, but its a subject best discussed with other girls, and not my daily monologue.

In other news: Joanie gave me copies of her pictures from China. It was so strange to look at them. You see, I know my pictures. I know what to expect when I look through them. But then here are pictures of things I do not have. Like, I did not expect to see a picture of me sitting in O'Hare. And looking at it takes me back there, to that moment. I had a book in my hand because we had a long layover. I had my luggage between my legs because it kept falling over. When this picture was taken, I had only been on that short flight from Dayton to Chicago in the tiny, tiny plane. There were so many things I would experience just after that photo was taken. I was tired, excited, nervous, impatient, and a few other things. The intercom kept repeating, "Please do not leave luggage unattended. Any luggage left unattended will be taken away by. . ." and then again in Spanish. I can almost feel the straps of the backpack-purse digging into my shoulders. . . So many things from a photo.

And to think, one day I will look at the picture and hardly remember anything.

I still dream of it.
But one day the experience will stop echoing in my dreams and I will lose myself in the routines of daily life, the safety of it, and never think of the beauty of adventure.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Clues that it's time for bed:

So, here I am sitting at my computer listening to music when I think, "Oh my gosh! I don't have a seatbelt on!" And then I come back to reality and realize that I'm not in the car.

Sarah Jo

Saturday, March 12, 2005

You'll never guess who Joe and Henry are!

Last night was great fun. Katy was home for the weekend, so I went to see Hitch with her, Ashley J., and Abby and Lilly. Then, we went to applebees. It felt so refreshing just to be with friends. I never realize how much I miss people until I see them. I realized that with my friends I can talk about things that I dont discuss with my parents, like God. And it. . . I needed that. I needed it. And they agree with me on things that make me feel so isolated sometimes. Erm, I cant really communicate it very well, so I won't.

Tonight, Madison decided to name several of my body parts. It was amusing, but I won't go into detail. I will say that some of the names were Penelope, Lucinda, Regis, Kathy, Alex, Joe, Henry, and Sally.

Hey did you know that Sally is a nickname for Sarah? Why?

So, goodnight,

Sally Jo (I guess)

Friday, March 11, 2005

Apparently overdone, but still amusing.

What does it mean?

Another awesome thing: Spongebob Squarepants, the movie.

First, I would like to say that last nights orchestra concert was very awesome. I very much enjoyed The Curse of the rosin eating zombies from outer space. It sounded like something straight out of a scary movie. Then it was time for Beethoven's Fifth. I had not read the program at this point, so when it begins I think, "I know this one!" and then. . . That was just cool.

The end.

Sarah Jo

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Good morning.

I walked down the stairs this morning to find the plumber in the living room. I'm completely comfotable with strange men seeing me in my pajamas with my morning hair. Or not.

Sarah Jo

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Sarah Jo, straight from the filter.

I like the movie Waterworld, it warms my heart.
Why do I have a dozen pens that don't write?
My new obsession is how much whiter my teeth could be.
I don't like to floss, it hurts. Stupid close-together teeth.
I joined a team for relay for life and now I must sell things.
You really shouldn't smoke, its bad for you.
I'm stressed out about the schedule making.
Spring break is next week and I do not have to work.
My room is always either too cold or too hot.
Mmm, I love the smell of clean laundry.
I think I'll watch the episode of Extreme Makover: Home Edition that I made my dad tape for me.
On my pajamas, teddy bears are having a pillow fight.
I have a purple rubber-like bracelet that says "Hope" on it.
I decided Beethovens fifth symphony sounds like Genesis.
I have a plethora of yellow paper on my desk and I don't particularly care for yellow.
I make lists and never follow them.
One of those sheets says "106.5" and I don't remember why.
I store my digital camera in a white sock with purple heels and toes.
I like being by myself, but not for very long.
My mommy made me lunch today.
I hope James moves out soon, I don't enjoy his company at all.
I think I've said enough, although I did not say what I wanted to say at all.
I wonder what your thinking, there on the other side of the screen?
Don't you think your teeth could be a little whiter too?

Sarah Jo

Monday, March 07, 2005

Don't let a cheese-filled suitcase become your giant fork and spoon.

I am suppose to be listening to Beethoven's fifth symphony. I'm not really very excited about it.

I looked up the classes I need to take next semester on Bannerweb. It looks like my schedule will be a bit crazy, involving taking classes at Lakota and/or Hamilton and a summer class. Three out of the five I need are night classes. This is so crazy. But alas, it is only one semester and at least I have the opportunity to get a(free) college education and I should not complain about the details.

That said, I'm off to spend an hour with Beethoven.

Sarah Jo

Sunday, March 06, 2005

That dead cat on the other side of the yard.

Am I becoming who I wanted to be? Or is this a warped misconception of what I thought they wanted of me? How many times will I reach out for humanity, get distracted, and miss completely? I think I know what I want, but I know it would not satisfy me. I'm terribly inconsistent, full of irrationality. And even as I wonder what is wrong with me, I see, it's only the distance between us.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

It involves cutting off one of your fingers. Still interested?

I've been spending way too much time on the internet. I did get some homework done though, and way before it was due! And that's all I've got for progress.

I'm feeling disappointed right now, but I can't tell you why without telling you something embarrassing, so I'll just leave it at being disappointed.

Last night we had a sleepover with the girls. Ashley painted the fingernails and toenails, because I'm handicapped in the area of all things cosmetic. If I had tried to paint those miniature nails of theirs, I would've gotten the whole appendage covered in sparkly red polish. Not so good. So I just watched, amused. Those girls sure are something else.

I played Barbies with Kaitlynn and Elisabeth. Kaitlynn just kind of shook hers and kissed it every once in a while, much to my amusement. Elisabeth decided her Barbie was Mommy and mine was a "sister." So she told my barbie when to wake up, go to school, go to bed, ect. She was yelling the whole time and I said to her, "Elisabeth, I'm right here; you don't need to yell" and she says, "Sarah, mommies yell." LOL!

I always have so much fun in math class, and today was no exception. Kaitlin and I always have a great time talking and laughing instead of listening. (Note: Kaitlynn does not equal Kaitlin) Today we were talking about Sue Johanson, if you understand. If you do not understand, we still talked about Sue Johanson. Very funny times.

I heart Ellen. Have you seen her talkshow?

I'm really tired just now and not in a terribly good mood. So, instead of sharing, I think I'll just go away.

Love you,
Sarah Jo

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I need to DO something.

It's pretty pathetic when you get excited about junk mail.

"If that didn't wake you up, go back to bed"

These would be some quotes from MUS189 today:

"Feel the fire in your souls, shame on you!"
"I always wear red on Beethoven day."
"Violenter, twitchier, nervouser"
"You puny human!"
"I always picture a wagon rolling down the road. Oops! It hit a pothole"
"I don't know, I have no more words."

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

And it also said I think like a man.

I took a personality test today. Apparently I am an observer. This is what the test says about me:
"Like all Observers, you strive to find inner peace in a world that's anything but peaceful.
You were born with a quiet, gentle, and cautious nature that has always set you apart. Being different and somewhat of an "outsider," you've become selective about what you do and say. So you typically stand back and observe people and situations, then decide how you want to contribute.
This style has been especially useful in your career. While others on a team are talking, arguing, and often making impulsive decisions, you can see the underlying issues and make objective recommendations. Although there are times in your job and personal life when you should assert yourself more, people are relieved to find someone like you who doesn't pick fights or create drama.
You don't spend your life running around from one social event to the next. You prefer quiet evenings with your close circle of family and friends. Since you're shy and very modest, it can take a while to get to know you and see the "real" you.
You need time alone every day to "recharge" mentally and emotionally. Enjoying your own company and being comfortable with solitude is considered a sign of maturity and good mental health."

Well, thank God I found that out because I never would have known otherwise.

Where is my (random object)?

Oh dear, my mother found it necessary to come into my room and "clean" it. But by "clean" she means to rearrange everything in a way she finds more efficient, oh, and dust. I'll be searching for things for days. On the bright side, I wont be sneezing.

In other news, the several signs I put up in the bathroom and outside the bathroom to remind the boys to flush the toilet have proved ineffective. My only conclusion: they cannot read. So hereafter I will be giving random vocabulary lessons including the words "please" "flush" and "toilet"

Do I still want half a dozen children? Yes. Do I want them to be boys? Um, maybe one if the lumberjack I plan on marrying insists.

Well, I shall go to bed now before I make up any other scenarios that will never happen, like my lumberjack being a centaur and we run away together to partholon, or something.

Goodnight my sweet (Insert your name here.)

Sarah Jo