I should go to bed, but I just want to communicate. I want to talk. I want to say so many things that I wont say. The words are reverberating inside my head. I want to go out and do things and experience life and new people. I want a new relationship because it is exciting and scary and fun.
Sometimes I think about who might be reading and what I might be comfortable telling you or you. I know that person A disapproves of me sharing so much. Person B truly listens. What do I do? I'm not really living for your approval, after all.
So here I go:
Sometimes I feel like I'm this vacuum of need and I might swallow you whole if you attempt to get too close.
Sometimes I feel so full of life and love and energy that I hate you for trying to take it from me.
Sometimes I don't know who I am. I don't know anything about me. Like I'm so blind to myself. And I get so caught up in trying to be better than I am, that I only see the parts lacking in me.
Sometimes I get so comfortable in my routine that I think I could go on forever doing the same things. Then, other times I hate it because it is missing the one thing that would make me forever happy, and I haven't found it yet.
Sometimes. . .
I don't know what I want. I don't know where I'll go from here.
"Life is but a breath, don't waste it." - The Wedding
I guess I'm done.