I woke up this morning and walked down the stairs. Mom had company; she did not hear me come down the stairs. She did not know I was listening as she carried on a conversation about how much this or that person charges for pain pills, what each one makes her feel, about breaking into my dads cabinet to get pills. She did not know that I heard her yell down the stairs to ask my brother if her guest could have a joint. No, she didn't know how long I stood there. Finally, she sees me, greets me good morning, realizes I'm upset. I tell her that I heard that. "What" she says? "Shannon is just here to see if chris can fix her car." she says. I tell her again that I heard it, I heard everything. "What?" She asks.
So. . .
Did she never quit? Did she quit and start again? How long has she been lying to me? HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN LYING TO ME?!?!
I didnt ask her this. I left. I havent said a word to her. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm tired of being lied to. People are going to do what they want to, but why lie to me? She says she doesn't want to upset me, but I'm upset right now.
But, I'm done crying. I don't want to leave anymore. I'm tired of leaving. I'm tired of trusting. I'm tired of all of this.
I don't know how I'm ever going to learn how to trust people.
Deception seems to be the main form of communication in my house. And everyone does whatever they want. It doesnt matter if its illegal. It doesnt matter if its going to hurt everyone around.
I feel like I'm in one of those movies where the gate is closing and the characters are racing to get through the gate before it closes or the building collapses or blows up. I sure hope I can get out before this house crumbles.