Sunday, September 05, 2004

Burning wood and maple sugar candy.

This is odd. I smell burning wood, but I do not. I hold the scent of it in my mind right now and it is most comforting. My days with Katy smell like burning wood and taste like maple sugar candy. And these things are comforting. I feel so in place when I am standing near a fire. Something stirs within me when I cook over the fire, watch someone else cook over the fire. And something new when I ate out of the wooden bowl for the first time. Familiar and longed for. And right now I would be content to sit near a fire with loved ones. I want to cook something and feed someone and make them happy by doing so. I want to take care of someone. And I want to wear more clothes. I always feel so naked in regular clothes after wearing my pioneer clothes. They just feel right. But my outfit is not complete, so I feel naked in those too. And maybe I do not want to dress that way everyday, but I do enjoy it. Part of me longs for the past, part of me longs for today, and part of me longs for the future. And I cannot reconcile the pieces. I was pleased today. Ahh, satisfaction. I want to go back. And the fair at new Boston was much more fulfilling then the renaissance festival. Because the Ren. Fest. felt like. . . play time maybe. And the fair at new Boston felt real.

God help you to understand this twisted soul.

And yet, I want to smell the wood burning again. I want for the bitter smoke to burn my eyes and the too harsh heat to offend my skin. And spend a night by the fire with you.

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