Thursday, July 08, 2004

Us and the fire and forever.

Joanie invited me to dinner tonight. It was nice. We all sat around the table and ate together. We even said grace. It reminded me of some tv family from the fifties or something, but it felt nice.

Lauren and Nick wanted to have a fire and roast marshmallows for smores. And we did. There was something gratifying about sitting around the fire and sharing stories with each other. It felt right. The sky was beautiful. There were clouds and they looked like a giant Z in the sky. Ashley said it looked like God had run his fingers across the sky. That made me think of the sky as some great fogged window that God was trying to wipe off to get a better view. We were having so much fun God wanted to watch. The clouds slowly dissolved until it was Us and the fire and forever. It made me feel small.

I liked the smell of wood burning. It reminds me of camping when I was little. The way it burns my eyes and stings my throat and I get closer, its familiar. Its comfortable.

I wish I could feel this everyday. Just take the day and do with it what I will. Not ask, just go. I worked, but I had all evening to do as I please. I cant wait until I have a real job, a day job, so that my nights can be mine.

What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Can I be content going to the same job, the same room, day after week after year? Yes I can. I can do that. Im capable of that. Can I find someone to come home to day after week after year? I sure hope so. I really do.

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