Stupid Stupid Stupid

People say that you learn something new everday. Today, I learned that my heart does not obey my head. I can tell myself not to feel this way about this person, but I see him and my heart does funny things. Its not fair. I dont want to feel like this. I dont want to want another person. This is not logical, its not practical. I dont even know what it is that I want. To spend time with him? To be near him? To just touch him, hold his hand, hug him? I dont know. I dont know anything about these things. It would not work anyway. We are too different. I am too shy. I am too insecure for anything to develop. So heart, shut up. Just stop it. I said no and I mean no! I think Ill go shopping. Yes, thats it, I will go buy myself some distraction. Ashley and I are going to go get pedicures, and then I will forget all about him. (But secretly I know that no, I will not forget at all.)