My Inner Conversation

Hello. So, yesterday I was worried that I was running out of things to say if I could only relay the events of a day, but, well, that's just funny. Me, running out of things to say.

I was driving in the car today and thinking, well because, that's what I do when I drive alone. I was thinking about what I want to be and not just a career or anything. It seems that all the things I want to be contradict each other. When I am with someone I like, all I want to be is whatever it is that would make me a better friend to them. But then, I don't know what people want me to be and I would never be happy if I was only that. Also, I don't want to be . . . well nevermind, what I don't want to be is an even longer list. So, as I was saying, sometimes what I am is going to conflict with what you are. We may not always fit together perfectly, and that's okay with me. I don't have to like everything you like and you don't have to . . . no point in filling in the rest, you know what it was going to be.

Sometimes my self esteem waivers. No, that's not entirely correct. Sometimes I have self confidence and that makes the place where it is not seem even more empty. I'm not entirely comfortable or happy with myself most of the time. I would like to blame this all on one flaw, but I'm sure if that wasn't there, then I would hate something else about me. Also, I don't care to do any work correcting this flaw so. . . Also again, I'm not going to describe this flaw because everytime I do people say," Your not _______" Okay, whatever. I'm not stupid. I can recognize plain and simple truths like yes, I am in fact ____.

But, I didn't come here with the intention of complaining or anything. I feel very good today. I am happy. ( I wasn't earlier, but here's a tip for the masses : Never, ever, wake me up. Don't even walk up the stairs with the intention of waking me up, because even if I am already awake, I will be offended at your assumption that after ten years of getting myself up in the morning, this morning I need your help. coughmomcough grrr.) Oh, but I'm supposed to be in a better mood now, yes.

There was something else in my inner conversation that I was going to share with you. What was it? Oh yes. I was thinking about marriage today. No, I don't want to get married or anything like that. I was just thinking about it, okay? Girls do that kinda stuff. Besides, one has to have a guy to get married to, I would hope. Anyway, when people are married for years and years and years and . . . do they ever run out of things to say to each other? I don't know what I would do. I hope I get married someday. I cant live by myself with no one to talk to. Even if I'm not talking to a person, its nice to just sit in the same room and read together or something. I just like to know that someone would be there if I did have something to say, you know? Well, even if I never do get married, I'm going to adopt some babies from china. That's on my "must do" list. My heart aches for all those children. Sigh.

I have soooo much stuff to take care of before school starts back up. Oh, hey everyone, the community blood center thingy is doing like a raffle thingy for a Honda civic, if you want to donate some blood. Even if you don't want the car, you should give them some blood. You could save three lives, I think. I don't, they will tell you. You know, your body makes new blood, so technically you wont be using it anyway. That's all I have to say about that.

Well, I should probably get ready for work now. Ill add some more tonight.