Wednesday, June 30, 2004

My Inner Conversation

Hello. So, yesterday I was worried that I was running out of things to say if I could only relay the events of a day, but, well, that's just funny. Me, running out of things to say.

I was driving in the car today and thinking, well because, that's what I do when I drive alone. I was thinking about what I want to be and not just a career or anything. It seems that all the things I want to be contradict each other. When I am with someone I like, all I want to be is whatever it is that would make me a better friend to them. But then, I don't know what people want me to be and I would never be happy if I was only that. Also, I don't want to be . . . well nevermind, what I don't want to be is an even longer list. So, as I was saying, sometimes what I am is going to conflict with what you are. We may not always fit together perfectly, and that's okay with me. I don't have to like everything you like and you don't have to . . . no point in filling in the rest, you know what it was going to be.

Sometimes my self esteem waivers. No, that's not entirely correct. Sometimes I have self confidence and that makes the place where it is not seem even more empty. I'm not entirely comfortable or happy with myself most of the time. I would like to blame this all on one flaw, but I'm sure if that wasn't there, then I would hate something else about me. Also, I don't care to do any work correcting this flaw so. . . Also again, I'm not going to describe this flaw because everytime I do people say," Your not _______" Okay, whatever. I'm not stupid. I can recognize plain and simple truths like yes, I am in fact ____.

But, I didn't come here with the intention of complaining or anything. I feel very good today. I am happy. ( I wasn't earlier, but here's a tip for the masses : Never, ever, wake me up. Don't even walk up the stairs with the intention of waking me up, because even if I am already awake, I will be offended at your assumption that after ten years of getting myself up in the morning, this morning I need your help. coughmomcough grrr.) Oh, but I'm supposed to be in a better mood now, yes.

There was something else in my inner conversation that I was going to share with you. What was it? Oh yes. I was thinking about marriage today. No, I don't want to get married or anything like that. I was just thinking about it, okay? Girls do that kinda stuff. Besides, one has to have a guy to get married to, I would hope. Anyway, when people are married for years and years and years and . . . do they ever run out of things to say to each other? I don't know what I would do. I hope I get married someday. I cant live by myself with no one to talk to. Even if I'm not talking to a person, its nice to just sit in the same room and read together or something. I just like to know that someone would be there if I did have something to say, you know? Well, even if I never do get married, I'm going to adopt some babies from china. That's on my "must do" list. My heart aches for all those children. Sigh.

I have soooo much stuff to take care of before school starts back up. Oh, hey everyone, the community blood center thingy is doing like a raffle thingy for a Honda civic, if you want to donate some blood. Even if you don't want the car, you should give them some blood. You could save three lives, I think. I don't, they will tell you. You know, your body makes new blood, so technically you wont be using it anyway. That's all I have to say about that.

Well, I should probably get ready for work now. Ill add some more tonight.

1 comment:

Ronnie said...

"Anyway, when people are married for years and years and years and . . . do they ever run out of things to say to each other?"
I think they do to be honest--I really think they do, but once you reach that point. . .just being around the person is Heaven enough. And being without that person would be like being without air to breath. That is why so many older people die within such a short span of their spouse. I want that I really do. . .I don't know if I'll ever have it, but that doesn't mean I'll ever want it any less.