Monday, June 28, 2004

I'm not talking about the physical.

I wish I could talk with you about everything. There are so many things we skate around. Circumvent. Avoid. Why can't we talk about everything? So what if it makes us uncomfortable, that's progress. We can't always be comfortable. It can't always feel great. It seems that all we ever do is skate around each other in these beautiful circles. We dare to get a little closer, a little closer. We think we have found something when someone skates in our rhythm, when someone moves in time with us, but we just skate around and never touch each other. Its funny. Sometimes it happens by accident and we are amazed. "Wow. That person is really something. They touchedme." Sigh.

But then, here I am and you touched me. I can't know if it was by accident. I can't even know if you know it, but please, please do it again. I'm doing that stupid human dance again. But you listened to me, you actually listened, still listen. I talk a lot, but how many people hear me? I think you heard me. I don't want to move away from you, but I am too scared to tell you this. Its that vulnerable thing again. I'm still afraid of you because I can't know what you will do , what you will say. I wish I could touch you too. I am bound by these words, how can I make them work right? I just want you to look at me that way again. It made me uncomfortable then, you touching me that way, without my permission, but I can still feel it, and it's not so bad now. Rip me out of my comfort zone and make me uncomfortable. I like you.

1 comment:

Ronnie said...

The Lepard's Reply to the Damsel:
Oh, you want to touch, but you know not me. My skates are like fire across the ice and soon it will all fall through. You know not me, who I am, what I feel. You like me only for the way I make you feel. But you never bothered to make me feel. You know not me or my flaws. . .my disease. I wish I could sit with you in the garden (pumpkin plants in hand) and tell you everything, but the ice is quickly melting so we must continue to skate on before we fall in.