Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Forever and the meaning of life.

I was thinking this morning about forever, the nature of human beings, the meaning of life, and God. I was going to write a message for Him/Her/It but I decided that He/She/It already knows everything I would say, and everything I was not going to say, and that is scary. That anyone could see my private thoughts and know everything about me is. . . Beautiful and terrifying. He said He loves me. Can he love me knowing all that? This seems to be my deepest hearts desire: to be completely known, but loved anyway. Could you see all my faults and love those too, or are these things I should hide from you? I don't know if there is some program or desire in all human beings to do some great thing, I only know what my desire is. I want to be near people. I want to participate in the strange, awkward, fumbling, thrilling, scary, open reaching-out to connect to another human being, everyday. I want to know you better today than I did yesterday. I want to know everything that is wrong with you and everything that is right with you and love you more because of it. And I want to raise children. Not today, and not necessarily of my own body, but this is a desire of mine also. I want to die knowing that I made some lasting contribution to the human race and knowing that I loved somebody, and I mean really loved.

Well, there you have it: my deep inner-ramblings.

1 comment:

Ronnie said...

"I only know what my desire is. I want to be near people. I want to participate in the strange, awkward, fumbling, thrilling, scary, open reaching-out to connect to another human being, everyday. I want to know you better today than I did yesterday. I want to know everything that is wrong with you and everything that is right with you and love you more because of it."
I hope you still feel that way in ten years. . .because those that do are very rare.