Monday, June 28, 2004

Just to say.

I went to Fenwick Festival today. It was mostly people gambling, drinking, and smoking. But, on the other hand, it wasn't here. It so wasn't here. I still want to go somewhere. I want to. . . sit in any room and talk to you about important stuff that doesn't matter. That is always fun. Lets drive around and talk about forever. Lets sit near each other learn things we never knew before.

So, I only ever met one person who knew me right away. That was Ashley. She could look right into me from the very beginning. I cant hide a thing from her. I like it and it scares me.

So I met someone else like that. I just want to look away from them when they do that. (And then I want to look back to see if they still care) No, I'm not saying anymore.

I'm happy. I'm truly happy. All I want to tell you is good things. God, why can't someone be here with me now? I want to talk to you and tell you stuff and then let you tell me stuff. I'm in a mood. I'm in one of those moods, where I would tell you anything and regret it tomorrow.

I'm afraid to get too close to people. When people know you, they can hurt you more. If I just skim the surface, no one can pull me under. But. . . I want to take that risk. I want to take that terrifying leap. Would you hurt me? I don't know what I mean. Its like um . . . maybe being naked in front of someone and waiting to see if they laugh or puke or something. (Not that I'm familiar with this situation or anything. Just to say.)

I'm ready for new. I'm going to a new school I'll meet new people. I'm just afraid that this time, I'll do exactly the same thing I did last time.

I'm dying to know what it all means. All of it.

1 comment:

Ronnie said...

What did you do last time that you regret---it seems to me that you have your friends and they are close to you. So what is to regret? Why not do exactly the same thing?