Sunday, October 03, 2004

So she vacuumed.

Work today wore me out, but some not-strangers came in today and that was nice.

I guess my exam is tomorrow then.

I cant wait for Oct. 13th.

I was so sick last night. I am never eating at White Castle again. Ever.

So, apparently my idea of clean clashes with my mothers because she cleaned my room today. I kinda left off the whole dusting/vacuuming part. My idea of clean is to organize the giant piles of paper that seem so accumulate here. And the clothes. Mountains and mountains of clothes, but mostly paper. What kind of paper you say? Bills, bank statements, student loan paperwork, schedules, and other grown up stuff. And then random bits of poetry, websites I wrote down, lists of things like books to read, things to buy with my next paycheck, things to do. Receipts from paying bills and buying stuff. Business cards. My voter registration card. Concert ticket stubs and programs. Name-tag sticker things for some reason? Invitations for friends and family night at the bug, homework. . . I could really keep going, but I see you are getting bored.

So she vacuumed. Its funny, we have to turn the computers off before we vacuum upstairs or we blow a breaker. How funny is that? Consequently, we don't vacuum up here very much.

Um. . .

I am slowly moving toward independence. I wish I had my own bathroom. I buy my own toothpaste, soap, shampoo, conditioner, mouthwash, and other bathroom junk, because White Rain and dollar general brand soap just aren't for me anymore. My brother is just such a slob. If I had my own bathroom then I wouldn't have to worry about why the hand towel was crunchy or what that liquid on the toilet seat is. Eww, I know.

I said this to my father earlier and he got mad. He told me to appreciate what I already have, and I suppose he is right. I am just feeling ready to live on my own and not feeling ready to live on my own. And its confusing and it makes me restless.

I want things to be mine. I want to own things. I want to be responsible for something. Like my car. I own my car. The title is in my name and I like it much. I pay for my own insurance and oil changes and repairs and I like this because I can say, "No, you cannot borrow my car." and no one can "ground" me from it or anything. It is mine.

And I pay my own internet and phone bill. (The latter doesn't even serve a purpose.) But I do not have to worry about my parents saying that they cannot afford the internet this month or anything. I pay for it. I decided to get DSL. And its awesome. And its so worth it. And I do not have to fight about how long I tie up the phone line being on the internet, DSL doesn't use the phone, but I have my own line should I want it.

These things make me content, but I always want more. I want to be an adult, but I am not ready for it. First, I cant afford to live on my own, still being in school. And second, I cant live by myself. I need people. I need my family. (Although it is so awesome when it is just me in the house all day.)

Mom told me that we may move after Christmas. Of course, they say about every six months that we will be moving soon, but I have mixed feelings about this. I like it here. My room is HUGE. And if we move, it might not be. I like Middletown, and if we move, it might be Carlisle. But then, we may just move into a bigger house in Middletown and I might get a bedroom with its own bathroom. (I always get the master bedroom, I am SO spoiled.) I guess, as usual, We will see what we see.

Im still worried about the concert date.
Im so broke all the time.
Well, all my bills are paid.
And I buy lots of junk too.
Like concert tickets.
And CD's.
And books.
On eBay.
Because I love eBay.
And Amazon.
And Relient K.
And you too.

Well, I need to stop not studying.

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