"And you recite my words right back to me"

Hmm, so I'm thinking and I don't have anyone to talk to so I think I'll write. I know I should go to bed, but I don't want to just yet. I knew this would happen when I decided to go for desert at dinner tonight. It was well worth it, to spend another 15 minutes laughing. Tonight was dinner with everyone from work. I really enjoyed it. I could tell you why but then I would have to tell you every little funny thing and that would get boring and things are never as funny when you re-tell them. So, we laughed the whole time and it made me happy.

School really stresses me out and I'm trying my best not to be. I want to enjoy everyday, not loathe it. What if today was my last day and I had spent the better half of it worrying about homework? So I have homework, I'll do it. No need to worry about it every waking moment. But saying all this is much easier than actually doing it.

I always over analyze things. I try to put things in pretty little boxes with categories. Life doesn't fit in my boxes. This reminds me of Dr. Cheney Duvall and her pretty little bottles, but nevermind because you don't know anything about that. Where was I? Boxes. And emotions, I can't keep a handle on those either. Mind you, I try very hard. I like control, and well, I can't always control everything. And I get confused and lost somewhere between who I was, who I am, and who I am trying to be. I don't think I am making any sense, but I'll keep going because its making me feel better. I just wish I knew what happened in the end so that I don't have to waste any time going in the wrong direction. Like, if I end up North, than I would like to know so I don't spend all this time going south. But then, what if I end up north because I went south first? This example is leading neither of us anywhere.

The sleepiness is starting to come.

I just need some room to breathe because I feel so trapped right now. My every day is already scheduled. It was okay in the summer time because even though I worked full time, I had plenty of time to myself when I was off work. Now, when I'm off work I'm at school or I have homework to read. And even if I'm not doing homework, I'm feeling guilty about not doing the homework. Like this very moment, if I had started reading one of my books instead of writing, I certainly would have fallen asleep quickly. But I wanted to do this and shouldn't I do want I want to do in addition to what I need to do?

And then this reminds me that I get distracted so often and I worry and get all upset and stressed over stuff that is so temporary. I'll just give it all to God.

I've got this stack of papers on my desk. They are the lyrics to my favorite worship songs. Whenever I need a few moments to just "chill" and stop worrying about everything, I just pick one up and sing it. I just concentrate fully on the song and that's where I find my happy. My happy song for the last week or so has been Sonicflood- I want to Know You.

Wow, my fingers hurt. I bet your eyes hurt too. Okay then, I'll call it a night. This is so one of those times that I could stay up all night talking to someone, but everyone is asleep and I need to be too. Oh yes, I was trying to say goodnight.

Goodnight.
Sarah Jo

Secret Place

I’ll take my sorrows
and pour them out my
fingertips
and praise You.

You find me in my darkness
my failure
my disappointment
and You take them all away
and give me Your joy

My heart is a canvas for You.
wash me clean and
make me what you You will
I am beautiful when I am
with You

You are my comfort
my secret place
my delight

I wish for nothing
but to know You more
to be closer to You
may my every footstep
lead me to You

I want to be
a living song
for You
and my very life
bring You praise.

Oh, God of comfort
Oh, Lord of Peace
speak to me tonight.

What matters to you does not matter to me. . .

I've been singing this song all day long. You should listen to it, like, because I said so.

I feel like I would like to be somewhere else . . .

Work today was pretty awesome. I just love everybody I work with. I came home from work and did a little homework, but I got distracted and helped Christopher with his homework. He does school online now. Yep. Dad I and went to the grocery. I made fudge. Chocolate. Now I'm just procrastinating some more. Okay, I'm done.

Sarah Jo

To the Author of my heartsong:

What if I live in anticipation
of things that will never happen
Is that okay?
(I'm so happy anyway)

What if I wait for my prince charming
who'll never find me
but I'm so happy anyway
Is that okay?

And lately I've found
that the things I long for
are things I abhor
when they are in my hands.
I'll never need them
as long as I can reach them.

And in this moment
I only want to be
happy with me.

And I see the You love me
and I need confirmation
every day
every day

Take me,
once again,
to that place where
the world melts away
and there is only Your voice
oh,
take me there.

The fulfillment I seek
is everything You are.

Quick! Pretend I said something clever! (you've heard that one before)

I had another wonderful day. Work was just awesome. Yes my friends, it was. I cant think of anything in paticular that I'd like to share. I mean, happy stuff happened but it would be hard to tell you because then I would have to share things I didn't before just to tell you what happy thing just happened. And that would be even more complicated than that last sentence. SO. . . I'm happy. Well, Im usually happy, but today it was easier. Happiness is a choice, I believe. But I cant remember weather or not I've said that so I 'll stop there.

I'm sleepy.

Work tomorrow and I'm so excited because I get to wear my new jeans that are a size smaller. I totally like results. But, I kind of blew it with the pizza tonight. Oh well. I'll just be extra good tomorrow or something.

I need to buy a planner. I've got all this stuff floating around in my head that would work much better on paper. Like how much to read for each class by when. Classical mythology is going to be the best class. Or at least the most fun class. I'll get to do a project on the clothing of ancient Greece, and I like clothes. But more important than all that is that tomorrow is Saturday and that means fun time, right?

Okay, I guess I'll go do some reading, since I have a pile of it to do.

Sarah Jo

Stupid HTML

I'm going to blog because I don't know what else to do with myself. And I'm going to talk about things that aren't important so that I don't talk about the things that are.

Someone vandalized my brothers car last night. Three tires are flat and the windshield was broken by a large rock. What a terrible thing. He just got it in running condition last night, and he wakes up on his birthday to find his car in such a condition. So, my dad got him another car today. I think it is much nicer but he thinks its not cool. Of course he doesn't, its not the car he wanted. I feel so sorry for him.

Other than that though, I had a wonderful day. I got to sleep in because my first class isn't until 10 and then they had the kick-off picnic at school so I enjoyed that. After school I went to curves and worked out. It felt quite liberating. I just put all my negative energy into the machines until I was tired but very satisfied. Then I went to Fashion Bug and bought myself a new outfit because I have not done that for awhile, it seems. Betty was working and I ran to her and attacked her with a hug. She is the best hugger ever. Hugs are the greatest ever, they just fill you up inside. I hugged my daddy today too. The first time he tried to hug me one-armed so I made him set his stuff down and hug me the right way: two arms and squeeze. When I came home, I drove my brother and my dad to look at the car he was going to buy. Now Chris is showing his car off to his friends. When he gets back, we are going to the Golden Corral. I'm taking him out for his birthday. I sure hate seeing him be hurt so much. Okay, I think he's home and I've run out of not-important stuff to tell you.

I love you,
Sarah Jo

Who I am hates who I've been

I just have to share this quote from Matthew Thiessen from Relient K with you "I did not buy a switchblade and mug two old ladies for their prescription meds in an attempt to subside the aching drug addiction that I do not have."
that reminds me of a song lyric by him "and I just want to get mugged at knifepoint, to get cut enough to wake me up. . ."

Other than that, school started blah blah blah. Homework and such. I just hate homework. I like . . . well, stuff that's not homework.

I'm totally taking a nap tomorrow. I probably won't, really, but the thought of it is enough to make me smile in the morning. *smile*

Wow, I'm going to have to turn the music off because I find it very distracting. *turns music off*

My professor let us out of class 2 hours early today, so I had time to do my homework. Joy of joys.

Well, I have lots of things I'm thinking that I'm not going to say, and that leaves little to say. So, goodnight.

Sarah Jo

Oh geez

Thanks for that, Ash.

Hey guess what? My mother wrecked my brothers car today. She ran into a parked car because she's swift like that. Anyway, she's busted her mouth up and she has a concussion, however its spelled. And the car is in bad shape. Consequently, I'll be driving Christopher to school this week.

Well, thats all the news. I'm done.

Guess what?

Matthew Thiessen has a new song on purevolume, but its really sad. Anyway, I like anything he writes. You could so listen to Relient K while you're hanging out at purevolume, you know, because everyone should.

Sarah Jo

"Say-wa! I'm firsty!"

I've had a very lovely day. The day started off with lunch and shopping with my grandma, Joanie, Linda, and the girls (Emilie, Elisabeth, and Kaitlynn.) Emilie and Elisabeth rode with me in my car. I felt quite grown up hauling two children around town. (okay so, it was just a couple blocks, but still) They continued to stick with me in the store, until they started fighting and went running to their respective mothers. After that I went home. My brother talked me and Dad into going out to Hara Arena for some closeout sale. It was just like a flea market, smells and all. Since we were in Dayton anyway, I had to stop and starbuck and get my frappacino fix.
So here I am with plent of day left and no more ideas. I'll think of something.

I might write again later. I guess that depends on how bored I get.

Sarah Jo

Since I won't see you tonight:

So, I'm spending the night with the girls, and I plan on sleeping in, or not. I do have to get up in time to go to the bank to make an extra car payment. I am SO close, you don't understand. I can't wait to pay the thing off. Sigh.

And I had a great day at work today. It was very busy, but that's to be expected on a Friday and I kept thinking I'm off on Saturday, I'm off on Saturday.

This morning when I woke up I exclaimed to no one in particular that it wasn't fair. Then I realized that I was talking to myself and decided to sing instead, that's less weird.

Nothing new.

Okay now, I have to go pack my bag and head out to Germantown. I hope you had a great day. In fact, you should tell me all about it.

You have the floor. . .

Sarah Jo

When no one else cares where I've been. . .

I had this really nice customer today. It was great. Let me tell you how he was so nice: I was in the middle of telling him something he didn't want to hear, the part where most people get mad, and I was trying to say it very clearly and very nicely so that maybe he wouldnt yell at me. He says, "Sarah, I'm not going to get mad at you." And it wasn't one of those joking kind of statements where they end up getting mad anyway. He looked straight at me and said it so seriously that I felt like I had nothing to worry about at all. It was like he knew about every customer that had ever yelled at me and he was promising to not be like that. I don't know if I can explain it well. Have you ever met anyone that. . . just seemed to know things? And I guess it was because he said my name. I know I wear it everyday, but no one ever says it. And a little bit later he says, "You giggle alot don't you?" Anyway, I've just run out of things to say on the matter but I just wanted to express how much difference one nice person can make in a day. It really helped.

I went out to dinner with Joanie, Elisabeth, and Kaitlynn tonight at the chinese restuarant. It was the three year anniversary of the day Joanie got Elisabeth. It was much fun. After dinner we walked over to Kmart and I got the girls each a toy and Joanie did the same. Elisabeth was so grateful. She must have thanked me a dozen times and told me that she loves me after each one. It was cute.

Last night I dreamt I was driving alone and I didn't know how to get where I wanted to end up, but I knew I would get there and that it would be great once I arrived.

And can you believe I have homework and I havent even started class yet? Hmph.
SO. . . I need to go get clean because I don't feel that way and then do my homework, the humanity.

Sarah Jo

What?

Why do I keep getting junk e-mail advertising natural male enhancement? Does that sound like something that would interest me?

Sarah Jo

Did I get any Galatians on my cheek?

I fell asleep reading my Bible, then I woke up. Here I am.

Oh yeah, I'm having a pampered chef party on Sept. 2 at 7pm if you want to come. I just like to buy kitchen stuff.

My every muscle is humming with the satisfaction that sleep brings. Naps are evil.

Goodnight then.

Sarah Jo

*growl*

Sadness. I didn't find my happy until nearly 2 o'clock today. It was inside a can of mountain dew. Naturally, I had to drink the whole can because my happy was on the bottom. Its terrible to have to resort to such levels. I shall need no pop for some time now.

In other news, there is no other news. I've got about ten minutes before I go out to dinner and I thought this would be a nice way to waste it.

I'm hungry.

Now its more like seven minutes.

I know! I'll go change my clothes.
Happiness.

Sarah Jo

You probably don't care, but. . .

I'm really enjoying my new Building 429 CD. I shall share some of my favorite lyrics from the CD with you:

"My life's an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities"

"This twisted road eventually, is gonna lead you back to Me"

"I spent the night inside myself
But I haven't found me yet. . .
So I will never find the best of me
Until I find myself in You"

This whole song, No one else knows

"My actions fail to show
And in spite of me you seem to know
That I only want to love you
I cant make it on my own"


Anyway, that's what I have been listening to. (And singing as loud as I can.)

Sarah Jo

"Cant make no vows, to a herd of cows!"

Last night I slept so good. And it was great because I got to sleep in as long as I wanted, which turned out to be 10:30. When I woke up, I didn't want to get out of bed. That is unusual because I am normally am ready to get up and get dressed as soon as I open my eyes. This morning I just wanted to lay there and hug my pillow and hide under the covers.

My bed does look awfully pretty now that I've changed the bedding from pink to blue. It only makes sense that a bed named Howard should be blue. Everything is so crisp, fluffy, fresh, and smelly-good. Wouldn't you want to stay there all day long? But, I have dragged myself out of the cocoon of comfort.

I was having such a detail dream too, darn it.

Oh yes, I was making an attempt at organized thought. Its not working very well. I woke up this morning with "Lonesome Polecat" stuck in my head because one of the people in my dream was humming it. Wait, that means I heard stuff. That's exciting. And I was looking at CD's in my dream too and I could read them. I also remember reading a ticket too. Anyway. . .

I'm just avoiding the part where I get dressed and start the day.
Okay, here I go.

Sarah Jo

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


This makes me think about all the people I love and how I behave towards them.

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I envy? Do I boast? Am I proud? Am I rude? Am I self-seeking? Am I easily angered? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Do I delight in evil? Do I rejoice in truth? Do I always protect, trust, hope, and persevere?

I definitely see some room for improvement. What about you?

*YAWN*

I'm very sleepy. I had much more interesting things to say (we'll pretend) but then I sat down and got really sleepy. I think I'll go do something that requires me moving.

Sarah Jo

EWWWW!

I just smashed a fly in my bible. I thought it would move!

Several embarrassing moments, 2 voids, 2 damaged temp tags, 1 correction letter. . .

I am SO not having a good day. Well, actually, it started last night when I came home to find my mom freaking out because I was out until 9 o'clock. 9 o'clock? Nine-o-clock? Give me a break. I was so mad. She comes running at me when I come through the door, "I"M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME! I WAS SO WORRIED!" Oh my goodness. I told her where I was going, I called her when I got there to let her know I was okay. What more does she want? Anyway, since my bad day started at 9 last night it better expire by 9 tonight, that's all I have to say about that. No, not really. I have much more to say about that. I messed up so much today. It was so bad that my boss told me I could just go straight home after cashing out without cleaning. I did. I even skipped curves. I went to go pay my car insurance and nearly locked my keys in the car with it running. I come home and there's no place to park so I'm out behind the garage again which means I'll have to wait till someone gets home to make my presence known, or Mom will freak out again. So, its okay for everyone else to disappear for hours without telling me where they are, but if I disappear for hours and TELL her where I am, she gets upset. I know, I know, she's just worried about me, right? Well, she's smothering me. She's going to worry me right into moving out, that's for sure. Sigh. I'm done complaining now.

Maybe.

Sarah Jo

You make my words fail me.

I tried to write a poem about you, but it didn't work very well. My poetry has always been a way to say things I can't say outright, and I feel I could tell you everything. I had a few lines, but they didn't go together at all.

My skin is alive with the thought of you
Your name is a smile on my lips
I am strung tight with anticipation
as I move closer and closer to you

But you already knew all that.
Oh well.

Sarah Jo

Repetition:

So, I know I've posted this poem before, but I want to say the same thing now that I said then, and I said it the right way the first time.

Your go-to girl
Let me be
your
go-to girl
Let mine be
the shoulder
you cry on
I want to be strong
for you
I want to love you
oh,
like you've never been loved before
And like I've never loved before
I have had
salt stains
on my fingers before,
I can hold your tears too
I will cradle you
when you feel broken
Or just when you need
to be cradled
When you are falling over
I can prop you up
Let me be your
happy times

while I try to be
honestly me
let me see
honestly you.

Let me be your
go-to girl

I shall dedicate this post to Miss Ashley C because I miss her and I don't like talking on the phone:

We have to do something together because I've been terribly bored and I miss you. I'm SO off work Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Three days in a row? I don't know what I'll do with myself so you must come rescue me from impending death by boredom.

I love you,
Sarah Jo

P.S. You have no choice, I know where you live.

Im always a bad driver in my dreams.

Apparently I caused quite a bit of fuss today and I'll tell you why:

I came home from work to find that there was nowhere to park on the street in front of my house, so I pulled through the alley and parked behind the garage. I never do that and you cant see the car back there unless you walk behind the garage into the alley. I then went inside the house to find everyone gone. No note, no message, no nothing. I took a nap. Okay, I took a long nap. It lasted two hours. When I woke up (at 4) my brother and his girlfriend were home and I scared them because they thought I was gone. They told me to call my mom at Grandma's house. She was a little freaked out. "Where have you been? Do you know where I thought you were?" I'm a little offended. Have I ever disappeared without telling someone where I was going and when I would be home? Even when I get mad and leave they know I'm going to Walmart and that I'll be back home as soon as Dad gets home from work. Did no one think to knock on my bedroom door, just in case? I'll just start leaving notes and they will say :

Dear Mom,
I'm asleep in my room. No, I didn't run off to Vegas to elope with some man I''ve never told you about. No, I didn't go in secret to get something pierced or tattooed. No, I did not find an attractive corner to sell my body on. No, I haven't formed an addictive habit to some drug. If you don't trust me, just knock on the door and I'll answer. If you do trust me, I'll stop leaving these notes.
Love,
your "missing" child

Anyway, naps are a great thing until that moment you have to wake up, that's the worst. I dreamt during my nap. I dreamed that I got pulled over for speeding that the cop was a mean lady who I was pretty sure wasn't a cop. Her and some man made me get in my backseat and they got in my car and started driving us somewhere. I guess I'll spare all the details. Then I drifted into another dream where I was dancing with some man in the kitchen of a mountain lodge and he spun me around and it was wonderful. Then I dreamt I was watching a movie with one of my co-workers. How can I dream so much and remember from a nap, but I don't remember what I dreamed last night? And that's what I wanted to remember. . .

And here is some sound advice:

I recently read a passage in the Bible that I liked so much that I wanted to make a list out of it to remind me everyday. Ronnie said I should put it on my blog, so here it is:

Romans 12:9-21

Love must be sincere.
Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.
Honor one another above yourselves.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer.
Share with God's people who are in need.
Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you;
bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice;
mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another.
Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.
Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord.
On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

"I think I've blushed enough for one day, Joanne."

I had a great day today. I've had several great days in a row actually. Today at work I waited on this gentleman and his friend was there with him. Let me recount part of the conversation for you:

Guy 1- Thank you Ma'am, I mean Miss, you are too young to be a Ma'am.
Guy 2- And there is not ring on her finger.
Guy 1- So what are you doing tonight?
(At this point I turn red and pretend to be doing something important with the paperwork.)
Guy 2- Apparently she will be rebuffing your advances.

Anyway, those men just kept talking and talking, they were very amusing but I was glad to see them go.

I really enjoy work, it is so much fun. Last week we got a new magnetic dry erase board to put all our name tags on (they have magnets on the back.) Well, Robbie drew a little parking lot for our name tags and made one spot the says, "Reserved for Employee of the Month" and put his tag in that space. Now there is a little game where we each either move his and put ours there or change what the space says. Someone drew a parking space just for me. It is a box that has "Jo" at the right hand side so that when I "park" it reads "Sarah Jo" and the "o" has a smiley face in it. That warms my heart.

I had several conversations about hair today. When my hair was long my dad used to brush it out for me. I don't think I'll be letting my hair get long again, at least not any time soon. Long hair is painful.

They played Christian music at curves today. I enjoyed that.
Well, I must go down to dinner now.

I probably love you,
Sarah Jo

Music on the brain

Today I decided that Im going to have to buy the Building 429 cd because I can't get their song The Space In Between Us out of my head. I want to listen to it over and over again. And there is this song by Natalie Grant - Held that is really touching too. Anyway, that's all I really had to say.

I don't know why I have the urge to watch Finding Nemo.

Today my mother and I went to Victoria's Secret to buy perfume. They were having an awesome sale so I got three. I purchased Strawberries and champagne, Vanilla Lace, and Amber Romance. I like them much. My mother liked all of the perfume and decided to spray herself with three different ones. *shakes head in disapproval* I've been to the mall more in the last month than in a very long time. I'm trying to become more comfortable with driving places other than Middletown. After the mall we got lunch at The Hamburger Wagon, because it is just awesome, don't you think?

I think next I'll go to the grocery because I've run out of kool-aid and that's just a tragedy. Grape kool-aid is the best ever. Its better than any pop out there. And then sugar free grape kool-aid is so much better. Partly because there is no worry about all the empty calories and extra sugar, but mostly because I can dump the packet into the water without having to measure sugar, and less work between me and the kool-aid is a definite plus. I'm also going to try to talk my mom into driving to Hamilton with me so I can get used to the drive from home to the the Hamilton Campus. But I want my grape fix first.

I heard a new song yesterday that I really enjoyed. Its called The way I was made by Chris Tomlin. You should read the lyrics, because they are great.

I'm so happy that I never want to leave this time, but maybe even greater happiness awaits me just around the bend. I guess I'll know when I get there.

Sarah Jo

"Vexing vocabulary runs right through me. . ."

Wow, I just had a brother-sister moment. You see, for the past. . . well for a long time my younger brother and I have been on a strictly greeting basis. You know, "Hi" "Bye", and then he is gone. Well just a moment he comes into my office and tells me I need to drop everything and connect with him. I paused the music and looked at him. "Okay, are we connected?", he says. Anyway, he wanted to know the name of a song and who sings it and he only knew that it was old, that I had it on a CD in my car, and that it was talking about a love letter from A to Z. We figured it out quickly, All Saints - Never Ever, and I decided that I have missed him.

Sarah Jo.

I am running to you!

I was reading over some of my old poetry today and a new thought occurred to me. Now, be patient because this new thought might take a little while to spin out. Anyway, I have lots of poems I wrote about boys I liked at this or that time. And many of these poems convey much more emotion than I was feeling at the time, or at least more than I remember feeling. Teenage girls can be very dramatic, yes. I look back at them now and they make me kind of ashamed, and this is why:

I don't remember if I've said this before or not, but I want to live my life like my future husband is watching me. That way, I wont ever do anything I would be ashamed to tell him about. Looking back at these poems I think, what would he think if he saw these words, not written for him? I have written poems to my future husband, but these other poems make me want to swallow them all back up and save every word for him. But then I know that I cannot store up all my affection like a gift, because I would never have a future husband if I never let a guy know how I felt about him.
So a message to my future husband:
Maybe I'll get distracted a few times along the way, and give my love to the wrong man once or twice. But know this, I was looking for you the whole time.

Sarah Jo

"I like seeing you this way."

I'm all stuffed full of happiness today. I had the best day at work. The muffins I took were a hit. I didn't have to go in till noon today. We were pretty dead most of the day and I didn't even have to get on a terminal until 3:30. I did set-up until then. That is where you stand at the front counter and see what the customer needs and then get all the paperwork you need from them, put it in a folder, and have the customer sit while they wait for their turn. It was my first time doing set-up and I was a bit nervous to start out with, but I got more comfortable after a bit and decided I liked it a lot.

I swear a blushed a dozen times today. Joanne said that she liked making me blush. I told her I knew that, as my cheeks turned a deeper shade of red.

Most days I wake up and have to decide to be happy, and I can get the smile on my face before I walk into work. Some days the decision is a little harder and I don't smile till I see that first expectant face telling me, "Good morning!" This day I woke up and there was no choice to make, I was happy when I opened my eyes. I was happy as I ate my breakfast. I was happy as I brushed my teeth. . .

And I realized that I haven't been this happy for some time. I used to feel like this all the time. I never noticed a change, it must have been slow. You see, I had been running away from God for sometime. Well, maybe not running, but keeping my distance. And what did I expect to happen? God has always been my joy. I am, by nature, a happy person, but God makes me a joyful person.

anyway, the point is that God has brought a new person into my life that, in turn, has helped me make my way back to God. Now I am reading my Bible and praying and I haven't done either of those things for sometime. I feel like the dam has come crashing down and I am once again surrounded by my Lord and Savior. However personal and involved this may be, I just wanted to share with you that Im truly, truly happy. And what better kind of relationship could you have with a person, than one that brings you closer to God? But, to quote Forrest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that."

Sarah Jo

The girl formerly known as a hermit crab.

Its almost time for me to go to work and I wanted to write. Well, actually I wanted to talk but there is no one to talk to and not really enough time for a satisfying conversation anyway. So, I'll just write and pretend I'm not talking to myself.

I woke up this morning thinking of the pretty orange blooms on my pumpkin plants. They open up when the light of the sun touches them and they close when the sun is gone and they only do it for one day. That just seems so romantic. Sigh. And I've now got two little pumpkins. One is the size of my fist and the other is about the size of my thumb. They are oh so cute and green. I hope they don't die. Next year I'm going to plant potatoes, those wont leave the flower bed like the pumpkins did.

Time is running short and I have much more to say. Some have told me that I say far too much here, but I don't care. I spent a good number of years trying to hide from the world and I'm done with that. Ashley J came along and broke open my shell with her x-ray vision. She was the first person I ever met that could see right through me.

Aww, I have to go now. What if all my words float away between customers? Then you'll never know what I was thinking.

Sarah Jo

Sweet Anticipation

I want to hear Your voice
let it wash over me
I'll be as silent as I can be
if You will speak to me

I want to see Your face
and it would change my life
I would never close my eyes
if You were in front of me

I want to feel You near
like a warming light
I would never move away
if You would touch me

I will live my everyday
in anticipation of You
and give my everything to You
because You are everything to me.

I felt pretty today.

Okay sir, well, you have a great day!

At work the other day a customer got mad and went off on me. This is not a rare situation by any means. I smiled at them and told them to have a great day. After the customer left, Alex asked me if I was always so calm. I told him I was. He said that I was one of those people that seemed really nice and never got upset, but then one day blows up and kills ten people. Do I seem like that kind of person to you?

(keep in mind, I'll remember your answer when I blow up and kill the first nine people. . . )