Tuesday, October 11, 2005

"To practice the life that I pretend"

Hmm, I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't say this, but I'm just so sad. And I don't know why. And I keep trying to think happy thoughts like usual and be my happy self, but its so much more work than usual and even when I muster up the energy to appear happy, its just pretend, and its exhausting. And I have this heavy, sinking feeling in my chest like I could never fill up this hole inside of me. And I know that's not true, and I know that its just temporary, but I don't want to be here at all. And I don't want to say these things at all. But I feel like I'm walking around lying to everyone everytime I smile. Its just the stress, I tell myself. Midterms and *stuff* will be over soon and I'll look back at this and roll my eyes at the dramaqueenness of it all. But right now, I'm so sad.

"and I just want for all of this to end"

Sarah Jo

p.s. I was looking for the link for my little quote there, and played some RK while looking. And I find it truly amazing how healing music can be. Truly Amazing.

1 comment:

Ashes said...

Yes it is only temporary! Today I have felt better then the past few days, so I hope for only better tomarrow. I like the new name of your blog it is cute. See ya Thursday! love ya!