Thursday, October 06, 2005

Love somebody, yes I do! La la la la, doo doo doo.

Be for me, everything I've always wanted. Know, somehow, everything that you should say. Change as quickly as my expectations. Cover me with happy things and tell me who you are. Sing for joy and make me want to be a better person. Laugh out loud, and cherish me for who I am. Be imperfect and let me love your imperfections. Listen and really care. Don't make me feel like I'm not good enough. If I'm not good enough then why are you here?

And I love structure, and I hate that I do. And you haven't figured me out yet and its never the same you. And sometimes I talk for my own benefit (like now). And what will I say next? I have a knot right here behind my shoulders. I like hugs. The song in my head is one I've never heard before. I wish I could give birth to it but my songs always die on my lips. The other day at work I was telling someone that I babysat Kaitlynn on Tuesday but it came out, "I had a baby on Tuesday" and everyone laughed and I was so embarresed. And I. . . sigh. I don't want to grow up and grow old. I dont want to stay here forever either. I just hate this wood paneling. I was so sad when that tree died while the scary music played. And my happy pink paper just isnt happy enough for botany. One day one day one day one day I hope I hope I hope anticipation does not end in dissapointment. Im so busy waiting for tomorrow I'll look back to find I've lost all my yesterdays. My finger hurts. Just one. Why would it do that? I didn't give my finger permission to hurt.

Thanks for all the times you told me to shut up and quit worrying. And thanks for making me uncomfortable. And thanks for making me do things I didnt want to do at the time. Thanks for still being there when I tried to push you away. Thanks for being the kind of friend I needed. I need.

And you. You upset me more than I allow most people to do. I don't know why on earth I keep staying around. You just make me want to GRRRR.

And you. Well, you know how I feel about you.

And you.
And you.
And you.

Well, I love you.
But thats beside the point. The point is, there is no point. Something. like. that. I was going for structurelessness. It didnt work well. I see the structure. Maybe you do. I'll never tell.

Sarah Jo
or whatever my name is

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