Friday, October 14, 2005


Awww guys, no. I'm getting sick. And I'm pretty sure I 've been grumpy for a week. A week? Yeah, a week. Well, grumpy for me. I'm sorry. And now I'm sick, darn it. I'm sorry if you had to deal with my grumpiness. I'm blaming it on midterms and ill-timed emotional stresses. Yes. That works, right? But, I'm happy right now, happy with a sore throat and ect. . . but much happy. I got vegetable soup for dinner counting on its soul-warming properties, but I was disappointed by the unusually high lima bean content of said soup. I don't like lima beans. Oh yeah, so everything is better that hasn't been all right, but you don't know what I mean, but it makes me feel much good.

I turned down TWO hugs this last week. Now, have you ever seen me turn down a hug? No, I didn't think so. But I was in one of those moods where I was using all my energy to be friendly and it wasn't good enough. It wasn't my normal friendly. So people at work were kind of concerned and they kept giving me reassuring smiles and putting their arms around me and such and I just wanted to go hide in a dark room. Melanie offered me a hug when I left Wednesday, and I turned it down. She hugged me anyway. Iris offered to hug me this morning. I turned it down also. She was a bit offended and informed me that she's not a "hugging person" and that it was a rare occurrence for her to offer one like that. I'm sorry guys. I don't want an "aww, there there, it will be okay" hug. I want an "I love you this much" hug. They are different. Trust me. The first is kind of one arm hugging, one arm patting, trying to look you in the eyes hug. The second is a squeeze, both arms. Like you are trying to physically transmit your affection through an embrace.

Anyway, I would love to say, "I don't know what the heck was wrong with me" But I DO know what was wrong with me and the fact that I was so upset over something like that made me even more upset because I don't want someone else having that kind of power over my emotions. Its over now anyway. And I'm going to try my best not to go running back into my shell. No one can hurt me there, I know, but no one can love me there either.
I know you don't want to hear about any of this. I just wanted to talk about it without having to answer questions. I wanted to say this much.

Tomorrow is the "road trip" to MI. I'm much excited. We are leaving at 6am, so yeah, I need to get to bed early tonight. I hope I feel better in the morning. I'm glad Robbie is going to drive. Oh yeah! MAP! Crap, I mean, goodnight.

Sarah Jo

1 comment:

Ashes said...

I'm glad your feeling better. Have a great trip with lots of laughs!