Saturday, March 20, 2010

All the things I didn't say (yet) today:

Texting always feels weird after I cut my nails.
Mud is actually trying to kill me. It has made two attempts in the last 24 hours.
I biked 27 miles today! I decided to turn around at mile 13.5 when I discovered the restrooms were still locked. And then I biked against the wind. It was an uncomfortable ride.
I don't like being cold. Ever. I would so much rather be hot. I'm cold right now.
I think about some people much more often than must be normal.
Sometimes I hide things from my friends so I don't have to hear their disapproval.

Today I spent time with a friend that I hadn't spent time with in awhile. Before I get to that, why aren't there more alternatives to "spend time with"? Hang out with? I don't like these. Anyway, we had lunch. And I forgot all kinds of things I like about him. And there were new good things I noticed. For example, I forgot how much he makes me laugh and how smart he is and how apparent his intelligence is in the way he speaks and the things he speaks about and the way he reacts to other people. It isn't an arrogant intelligence at all. It is confident and easy and probably unnoticed by him. And new things I noticed like how he seems to pick out the good things in me and then say them out loud. And how patient and open-minded and earnestly good he seems. Is it correct to say earnestly good?

And besides all that, it made me think about how friendships change. I was going to say that I suppose we  had/have a relationship elastic enough to handle the new people we have both become. But that isn't true. If a relationship is a rubber band, it totally and completely snapped that one time. Dried out and rotted away before the final snap. And this is something new. Something not dependent on all those other years. And I like that. 

We talked about the fun things we did last summer. Our bike rides. And we planned future ones. He wants to bike through the Keys with Ashley and I. He wants to rent a tandem bike and take it for a ride with me. (Which actually makes me very happy because I REALLY want to do that!) And we are going to try to go 50, 60, 70, however many miles we can this summer. Work up to it. I hope this all happens. I love biking. And apparently I enjoy spending time with him too. 

He made me laugh so much. And he listened to my troubles. And he laughed off things that should upset him and offered me a different perspective. And he told me I was doing a good job. And he just made me feel better having spent time with him. Like maybe after all this time and all the weird moments, we can have an easy friendship again. And I would really like that. I've got so much complicated in my life right now. 

My fingers get cold when I type.

I bought the tickets for Jay Brannan today. I'm looking forward to it very much. I get to see Jay in real-freaking-life and bonus, I get to spend time with my guy-best-friend. And bonus, bonus, I'll probably get to see a little bit of Chicago! And bonus, bonus, bonus, I'll get that satisfied at-least-I-went-somewhere feeling that I need when I start to feel (like I do now) that I-need-to-go-SOMEWHERE feeling.

As I once wrote on Casey's van, I want to go to everywhere.

I think I just ran out of things to say! Strange.

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