Sunday, January 23, 2005

Random blogs, you say. Beginnings, I say.

I was just reading some random persons blog, and he said he wanted more than anything to be in love. What a thing to say. I might sometimes say that I feel the same way, but I know that I have no idea what it is to be in love. It is foreign to me. I suppose that would be one of the reasons it is so appealing. Or perhaps that could be blamed on a century's worth of love song, poems, movies.

But no, love is not the thing I long for. Relient K said it so well, as stupid as that sounds. We all want to be known, and so we think, if we are in love, that person must know us, right? I don't think anyone could ever know you completely. We will all be forever misunderstood. But I can quote, "You're the only one who understands completely. You're the only one who knows me yet still loves me completely." that's it, isn't it? I long not for something a man can give me, I long for a closer relationship with God.

Someone asked me once if I ever feel empty inside. I told him yes. He said he heard somewhere that that was the deepest part of you longing for death, to be closer to God. I do not wish to die. I asked him what he thinks happens when you die. He said he thought it would be different for each of us, a tailored experience to meet our own needs. I thought that was beautiful, but I do not wish to die. I have not heard from him in quite some time. I worry. I'm worried.

Now I've gone and lost my train of thought. Please be safe and happy. I came back safe, now its your turn.

Well, I just can't go any further from here.

Sarah Jo

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