Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Mom, did you just fa-

I have several things I want to share tonight.

First, on the way home from dinner with my mom (Applebees) I noticed a foul smell. I asked if she could smell it. She could not. Then suddenly, the foul smell got stronger and we realized that it was coming from my car. It smelled like rotten eggs. We stopped at the gas station to check the oil, because that's the only thing we know how to do. We discovered that it needed a quart and a half, and we added that. Well, on the way home again, the smell got even stronger. I made my dad come outside and smell my car and he said it was burning rubber. This is great. Just, wonderful. Well, all right, I can deal. Grandpa is going to come pick up my car tomorrow and try to fix her. Last time something went wrong, there was black smoke coming out of my tailpipe and loud explosions taking place under my hood and that only cost two dollars to fix (spark plug came loose) SO, let us cross our fingers and hope I don't have to empty the savings account to keep her running.

Second, (not chronologically, just in order of importance) on the way to dinner with my mom (Applebees, ha) we were talking about. . . well, love I guess. I told her I wanted to marry an ugly man that was the sweetest guy ever, you know. I'm not quite sure why I said this or what she said next, but we talked about my insecurities as far as relationships and the future. I am scared that I will end up all alone one day, but at the same time, I would rather do that than marry the first guy who pays any attention to me. Do you know what I mean? I'll explain further. My mother married my father because she got pregnant. They have been struggling financially ever since then. I would choose financial stability over love. There, I said it. I will not relive my childhood again. I have lived in a hotel because my parents could not afford to pay rent anywhere. I have had all my possessions in a storage garage somewhere. I have moved out of my parents house because they did not have water for three months. I'm not quite sure where I was going with this. Oh yes, I know that I can be and do anything I want to be. I can make a great future for myself where I will never know poverty. I will not, however, drop all of my plans for someone who says he loves me. (This is a really long paragraph, isn't it?) I have seen so many women drop out of college to get married or to pay some guys way through school or what have you. If I had a point, I lost it. (I just got distracted.)


Another concern of mine: I am afraid that the kind of guy that would want a relationship with me is not the kind of guy I would want a relationship with. What if my standards are too high? Like, first of all, he has to be a Christian. And not, "Yeah, I'm a Christian, I just get drunk on the weekends and I only have sex with girls I really like." He's got to be, "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and I have a personal relationship with God" How could I have a relationship with a person that did not share my most sacred belief? And anyway, being a Christian (and I hate that word) covers more than just my religion, it also represents my personal morals, ethics, and values. And my other major thing is that he has to be smart. And I do not mean genius or something. I mean, he knows what a book looks like and can have conversations with me on topics other than the t.v. or the weather. I love to learn and I want to share my life with someone who shares that passion with me.

So, to conclude, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone with my two Chinese babies paying a mortgage by myself then spend everynight in the trailer we are renting with Cletus who is, by the way, the best cook Burger King has ever seen.


Ashes said...

Well said, and I would like to add that this is the same for me...well... the relationship part and not the car making weird smells part. luv ya :)

your unmocking spoof said...

yeah, i probably wouldn't drop all of my plans for the first guy to tell me that he loves me either. I'm happy you feel that way though...the should be more people that feel similarly.