Saturday, September 05, 2009

Undiluted Sarah Jo = dangerous stuff.

I feel like I'm on a treadmill. I keep running and running. I feel really good about myself and the things I'm doing. My body is getting stronger. But I'm not going anywhere. I don't even know where I would go even if I knew how to climb off this metaphorical treadmill. Because when I'm in the moment I'm so very happy, but its when I step back and look at my progress that I get disappointed with myself. I'm not going anywhere.

Right now is one of those moments when I'm very, very happy. I don't want to ruin it by focusing on how awful I am. Though, I should be focusing on how amazing I am if I want other people to see that part of me. Humph.

Sometimes I wonder exactly how much I could say to him about whats going on in my head before he reacts badly. Because I've said more than I would have to any other guy. I've been more honest. More me, I mean. But then I still have that filter and I wonder what would happen if I turned the filter off for a little while. Maybe I should try. That would probably be stupid. And scary. Undiluted Sarah Jo might just make a person ill.

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