I was going to write about how running made me feel like I might throw up this morning.
And about how romance novels are awful and wonderful at the same time.
I would mention that my dad told me he wants to move to Wyndemere apartments in Franklin and then tell you how I feel about that.
I would delve into deep analysis of the posture, facial expressions, words, and inflections my parents use when they ask me for something. How they always say, "We don't ask you for much..." or some such other thing designed to make me feel guilty should I refuse. I would go on to talk about how my real anger is that they usually only pay attention to me when they do want something. Usually.
I might mention how much I hate winter again. And then thank no one in particular for the glory of the sun.
My lips feel chapped.
I might have even gone on long enough to write about my favorite parts of yesterday and why.
I would have talked about all those people sitting alone, eating with one hand and playing with cell phone in the other. Completely unaware of each other. Or the people sitting in chairs at my work while they wait. The parents paying attention to a cell phone, the children to a hand-held video game of sometime. I might have mused over what that said about society.
And eventually I would have wished that maybe I didn't have to go to work. That instead I could walk around Cox Arboretum or M.U.M. woods or some other pretty place and talk with someone I love under the sunshine. We would just walk and talk and not worry about having to be somewhere or be rushed by the imminent setting of the sun. The day would be ours and we would set our worries aside for the time. Just for now.
But I can't really do all of that right now. I have to find a breakfast I can eat in ten minutes and pick out what I want for lunch. But maybe later. Or maybe later I won't need to write about any of it anyway.
For now, the sun IS, in fact, shining. And I feel good about me and my relationships and I believe that's a very important part of a woman's definition of happiness. Or at least that's what a book said one time and I believed it. What I mean is: I am absolutely and amazingly happy. Right now. All by myself.
I hope you feel the same way too.