Sometimes this moving-on thing is hard work. I live in a new home. I have a new job. A new routine. Even some of my relationships are completely different. But there are still moments in time when I keep trying to reach back to familiar things that I don't need anymore. Sometimes letting go isn't just about not holding on anymore, it is about not wanting to hold on too. I wonder when I get to that place?
How can I be so happy, and still mourn a little? I love my new home. I finally know what it is like to feel safe here all the time. That panic feeling that simmered just below the surface before is gone. I love being at home. And I love my roommate.
My job is challenging and dynamic in a way that does cause me stress but it keeps me from getting bored and makes me feel satisfied that I am using a lot of my brain and effort to do things well.
My relationships are fulfilling and varied and many.
So why do I keep wanting things that I've already decided to let go of? Things I don't need. Things that are bad for me. It makes me frustrated at myself. Be happy, unhindered!
Sometimes I think I am just a great well of want that will never be satisfied. That is okay with me, as long I learn to just want things that are good for me, things like more knowledge and world travel, and healthy habits. This should be my new goal. Want good things.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
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