Thursday, October 07, 2010

Task status: In progress.

Sometimes this moving-on thing is hard work. I live in a new home. I have a new job. A new routine. Even some of my relationships are completely different. But there are still moments in time when I keep trying to reach back to familiar things that I don't need anymore. Sometimes letting go isn't just about not holding on anymore, it is about not wanting to hold on too. I wonder when I get to that place?

How can I be so happy, and still mourn a little? I love my new home. I finally know what it is like to feel safe here all the time. That panic feeling that simmered just below the surface before is gone. I love being at home. And I love my roommate.

My job is challenging and dynamic in a way that does cause me stress but it keeps me from getting bored and makes me feel satisfied that I am using a lot of my brain and effort to do things well.

My relationships are fulfilling and varied and many.

So why do I keep wanting things that I've already decided to let go of? Things I don't need. Things that are bad for me. It makes me frustrated at myself. Be happy, unhindered!

Sometimes I think I am just a great well of want that will never be satisfied. That is okay with me, as long I learn to just want things that are good for me, things like more knowledge and world travel, and healthy habits. This should be my new goal. Want good things.

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