It's funny how much baggage a person can accumulate without ever actually dating anyone.

I feel much, much better.

This evening I played trivia with a few of my friends at a local restaurant. We actually decided to join the trivia league. Yes, we are THAT cool. We won second place tonight!

After trivia, Robbie asked me to go get a milkshake with him which was excellent because I very much wanted a milkshake myself and spending more time with Robbie was like getting a bonus. I think every time I hang out with him I find something else to appreciate. He has been my friend for these last five years, and for a bit of that we had some rough spots, but overall five years is a long time. I think that other relationships in my life have taught me to appreciate him more. And I'm grateful for that. I don't like hurting, but sometimes the hard parts are the best ways to learn.

I learned.

I appreciate these things about Robbie today:

He spent the evening with me and my friends and only had good things to say about them afterwards. He agreed (with enthusiasm) to be part of our trivia league. I worried about whether or not he was having a good time because he wasn't always involved in the conversation and he assured me he did. He asked me to go get "everything" milkshakes with him, like he could read my mind. He said, "I didn't drink my milkshake fast because I was ready to leave, I just really liked it." He asked me how things were going and he listened and listened and listened. He made me laugh so much it kind of hurt. He asked if he could come upstairs with me and stayed for awhile and talked with me. He said little nice things like they were facts and not compliments. He was an amazing example of a good, healthy, easy friendship.

I wish I could tell him how very much I appreciate and love him, but I think that is even harder than talking about hurt feelings. Because he is a man and I am a woman and therefore saying, "I love you." always sounds like it means one certain kind of love. I wish we were like the Greeks with their different words for love. 

I "friendship" love you, Robbie. Very much. And I'm glad I get to have you in my life. You are keeping me afloat when I feel like I can't take one more wave. And you are building me up when I feel like damaged goods. Thanks for all of that.