Sunday, December 06, 2009

Patience is a virtue I am lacking.

Every time I see a secret on postsecret that speaks to me, I save it. Tonight I started going through them to read them all again. I only got to "S" in alphabetical order before I had to stop. Too many things going through my head.

First, I think someone could learn quite a bit about me based upon the secrets I chose to keep. They speak to me for a reason.

Second, it made me believe that maybe we aren't all that different after all. My deepest fears and greatest hopes do not belong to me alone. Over and over again other people found more beautiful ways to say these things:

I feel not good enough.
I can't wait to fall in love.
I don't think I'll ever recover from being fat.
I think you are amazing, and you can't even see it.
I'm so completely happy with me and life and everything. One day at a time.
Just because I survived it, doesn't mean it was ever okay.
Being imperfect is part of the beauty.
Every bad thing in life would be worth it, if it led me to you.

Over and over again. The same feeling with different words. The same meaning with different pictures.

I'm ugly and flawed and broken and I'll never be okay. You should love me anyway. I think you are more amazing than you would ever believe. If I could tell you, maybe you would fall in love with me. I think we could build something beautiful beyond words.

I'm surprised again at how often we can feel the same things. Me and a stranger. Us. All of us together.

If there are all these people out there waiting for their person, than I'm sure my person is out there waiting for me. And no matter how flawed and broken I think I am, he is going to think I'm all kinds of good things. And I'm going to see the good in him, even if he can't figure out why I keep seeing it. And together we will make each other happier and stumble along through the years just holding each others hands, no matter how rough the path becomes.

I'm feeling impatient. It is just getting worse.
I feel like I can bring any subject back around to this one.
I'm lonely in a way I don't understand. Hanging out with friends every day doesn't make it any better.

So, so impatient. Where are you?

No comments: