Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It's not so bad if I focus on the good.

I miss the bike rides and the hikes. Just you and me. The smell of sweat and sunscreen. I miss the sun on my skin and the feeling of my heart racing as we climbed the hills. I miss having to keep up with you. Always just a bit behind. I miss exertion. Knowing that the further we went, the longer I got to keep you with me. I miss the feeling of satisfaction when I got to be healthy and be with you at the same time. I miss silly tank-top tan lines. Even the gnats stuck to the spray-on sunscreen on my arms and across my collarbones. Adventures when we go off trail and just talking and talking and talking. The push and pull of my muscles climbing up over rocks and roots, pedaling along curves and up inclines. The freedom of a coast downhill. The cool relief of the shower afterwards, racing to get clean so I could get back to you faster. I miss knowing what we would do. Having the activity to keep our bodies and eyes occupied. Filling up the time. I miss feeling strong and knowing I can keep going and going. I miss the hot air. Hair stuck to my face and matted to my scalp and circles of moisture around the neck of my shirts and under my arms. I miss wearing less clothes. I miss summertime.

I like huddling under the blanket and stealing the warmth radiating from your right side. I like making dinner together and playing board games in the dining room. I like getting hugs when I don't have my coat on. I like cute socks and flannel sheets. I like my parka and pajama parties. The bite of still, icy air and those little frost flowers on my windshield. I like getting up early to sit at the coffee shop and cradle a hot drink between my hands. I like Thursday nights and laying my head on your shoulder and leaning against each other and holding your hand. I like the way the stars always seem clearer to me when I have to look at them through my own misty breath. I like the heat in the car to be just on my feet. Showers so hot it burns a little. Hooded sweatshirts and warm chapstick. Candy canes. The smell of wood burning. I like waking up to text messages and nearly falling asleep on the couch. Baking and sharing the hours darkness so it doesn't seem so dark. I like winter too.

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