I think I can finally speak.

I remember how it feels to feel good about me. And how it feels to put up that safety wall around my heart. And how it feels to realize that I've gotten way too involved and attached to another person. And how it feels to take that first step back.

Apparently I'm initially too trusting. Too willing to go all in. And then, once hurt or disappointed, I am difficult to coax closer again. I think this is true. I don't want to get hurt, but I hope I'm not hurting you either. But I'm not willing to let you make me feel the way you made me feel ever again. Even if you didn't do it on purpose. Even if you didn't know you did it.