I can see the scars on the moon.

If I could just make up my mind, this whole thing would be so much easier. I suppose I do not have to decide between one or the other if I never really get one or the other in the first place. I pretend to be so bold, and really, I am not. I should just tell you instead of making up these scenarios in my head of your would-be reactions. Ah, I am so prolific in my words, and barren in my actions. I never do what I ought. It is much easier to live in fiction and fantasies. I will place us together in my head. You will be there, just across the table from me, and we will talk together. I will tell you all the things I do not tell you and you will listen. Then, what do you say? I make up your response according to who I think you are. I could never guess what you might say next, never ever. I want to be like that. I want to have you leaning in toward me so you never miss a word. I want to captivate you with my sparkling originality, dazzle you with my ingenious comprehension of this or that.

Relient K said in their book, that all girls (and guys for that matter) want three things: To be known, to be accepted, and to be loved. This statement is true as far as I am concerned. But they also said that no person can give these things to you all the time, because people are not perfect. God offers these things. I will not go any further than that, because I am writing for my own benefit, and not yours. This is all I needed to hear/read.

It is amazing how low homework can fall on my priority list.
Tiredness.
Goodnight.

You know whats funny? My mom trying to cuss in Pig Latin.

If I were a month, I'd be: January or October
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Sunday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 3 pm
I were a planet, I'd be: orbiting alpha centauri
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: an oyster
If I were a direction, I'd be: Northeast
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a bookcase
If I were a sin, I'd be: gluttony
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Emily Dickinson or Robert Frost
If I were a liquid, I'd be: hot chocolate
If I were a tree, I'd be a: Bamboo
If I were a bird, I'd be a: Emu
If I were a tool, I'd be: leveler
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: mini bonsai tree
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: windy
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a: mermaid or centaur
If I were a musical instrument,I'd be: a recorder
If I were an animal, I'd be a: Human
If I were a color, I'd be: sepia
If I were an emotion, I'd be: content
If I were an element, I'd be: oxygen
If I were a car, I'd be: a hybrid
If I were a song, I'd be: by Relient K, probobly Am I understood?
If I were a movie, I'd be: one of those too long boring english films
If I were a book, I'd be: The little lame prince
If I were a food, I'd be: Potato Soup
If I were a place, I'd be: The Library
If I were a material, I'd be: Fleece
If I were a taste, I'd be: sweet
If I were a scent, I'd be: sandlewood
If I were a religion, I'd be: forgotten
If I were a word, I'd be: overunderestimation
If I were an object, I'd be a: thermostat
If I were a body part, I'd be a: mouth
If I were a subject in school, I'd be: english
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: a smile
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Lisa Simpson
If I were a shape, I'd be: a hypercube
If I were a number, I'd be: the square root of pi factorial

Bubble Bath Pirates

We got new pictures of the baby again! Can you believe it? You must be screaming your pants off with joy right now, I know. Well, I am happy about it anyway. Excitement and stuff.

Oh and I so couldn't remember how to write in cursive so I had to print out one of those tracing sheets for myself. Ba haha. Well, too bad I cant demonstrate my renewed cursive writing abilities.

And I believe that was all the news I had to share with you today.

Maybe on a more personal note, I am teeming (what an awesome word by the way) with excitement and anticipation of all kinds of things. You know what word I don't like? The word "anxious" because people use it wrong all the time. They say they are anxious for school to be over or for vacation or Friday or something. Except anxious actually means "causing or fraught with or showing anxiety" or "mentally upset over possible misfortune or danger etc; worried" So obviously, one is not anxious for summer vacation.
I also do not like the word "aint" Elisabeth said it today. I corrected her and then I told her mother that, since I will be a teacher, I will correct every grammatical error Elisabeth makes when she speaks because 1.) I cringe everytime someone speaks incorrectly 2.) I love her and do not wish for her to sound anything less than brilliant (which she is)

Go on with you, stop looking for errors in my blog. This is not a term paper or something. Go away. Now.

We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us.

- Violent Mob in Disneys Beauty and The Beast.

Ven aca y besa me.

How is it that, the moment I begin to doubt, you reassure me? How is it that, you see my every word as poetry? How is it that, you make me feel so beautiful? Your every action is at just the right time. And you make my skin feel like a seperate being, apart from me, and crawling with happiness. Your words speak volumes and to my soul.

That Yellow Marker Smells Like the Sun.

We made pop in science class today. It was mucho fun. How did we make pop you say? By putting dry ice in kool aid. It bubbled like it was boiling except that the bubbles were full of grey fog and they popped and the fog spilled over the cup and out onto the table. It was very halloweeny. And then we made ice cream. And my professors did all sorts of cheap science tricks to make us go "oooh" and "ahhhh" It was great.

The End.

What Defines the essence of a human being comes from the inside-out. - Dr. Phil

I enjoyed my very first ride on the public busing system yesterday. Ashley Clay and I decided to do that just for the entertainment of it all. We went to the library. Apparently, trips take a LOT longer when using the bus as your mode of transportation. It was great. Then, we went out to dinner at Frisches, however its spelled. Then, we went to her house where she dyed her hair maroon and we both wathced Drop Dead Fred.

Today, I had a very lazy day indeed. I came home to a completely emptly house. Awesome. I made myself lunch and I colored on the big felty-thingy that I got at K-mart. I colored Belle, which then gave me the desire to watch Beauty and the Beast, which I did. Then, I went upstairs and played around on the internet till noon, when I decided to take a nap. Later, after other things happened ( I just noticed that some of this is out of order (for instance: the movie came after the nap.)) Ashley Jelonek called and I went out to dinner with her at La Pinata. That was fun. And we talked and talked and talked and . . . Awesome.

At no point in the last two days did I do any homework what so ever. Yeah.

But, who cares, really?

And tomorrow is Dress up day at school and I am so being a pioneer girl. You betcha. Bonnet, shift, petticoat, petticoat, apron, shortgown and all. But I veto the stockings, those stupid things. I just hate them.

Well, I should get to the, as plus or minus Sarah says, h to the w. Heh.

Gnight.

Twenty One Over Pi Hiccups in a Broken Bottle

We got new pictures of Kaitlynn Ann yesterday! Twelve of them! Wowness. Yep, thats all.

Looking at yourself in a spoon.

Ashley and I saw the movie, Grudge, tonight. I liked it. I thought during the movie, this would be nice to watch with a boyfriend whose arm I could grab during the scary parts, but alas, I do not have one. I am too much of a. . . for lack of a better word- scardy cat.

Anyway, and it was fun attacking that chair with the batting and staple gun.
And it was awesome to see all my family at work today.
I have a terrible longing for Michigan.
I am too preoccupied with stuff.

Seems like there was something I was going to say. Maybe I should freewrite and it will come out:

I want to write a poem about anything, something beautiful so then you will think I am beautiful too. Maybe for lack of insecurity I would find other problems to dwell on. I don't even know what I want with you. I don't think I would be happy if I had everything I ever wanted. Right now I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream, and to wear my favorite pink pajamas and my robe. Ah, I love that thing. And I like my new space heater. It oscillates. Isnt that the coolest word ever? Say it - oscillates oscillates oscillates. Ashley said laxadasical the other day. Is that a word? I'm not sure. Her mom's potato soup was spicy though, whew. And it was awesome to talk to Rachel yesterday. I think she has been my role model for many years. I am nervous about getting our quiz grades back tomorrow. I cannot wait for next semester when I wont have class on Mondays. I shouldn't wish the days away, all those days that might hold happiness. Like the two weeks in December when I will go to china. Im excited. I should probably be getting ahead on my homework. I procrastinate too much. Its so stressful. Its hard to live up to the image of what I am supposed to be. Maybe I am not such a good student. I always do things at the last minute, whith as little effort as possible. Will I be a good teacher? Will I be a good anything? The future is so scary, daunting. Sometimes I wish to go back to "the good 'ole days" but then I remember that those days were not good anyway. When we complain about today we tend to only remember the good things about yesterday, when our current problems did not exist. It makes me sad that I mostly remember all the bad things. I won't list them, that is painful. I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out, but that is highly improbable seeing as to how I must go downstairs once every hour or so just to see another person. I love my family. I would rather spend the day with them than with my friends, and that makes me feel something. . . maybe like I dont fit in or that I am not getting the whole teenager experience or maybe this will be the reason why I will live alone at forty only looking forward to my weekend trip to the grocery store with my mom. Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Becasue I don't want to be alone, I don't ever want to be alone. I want to feel good enough for someone, No, I want someone to cherish me, to love me, not just to think that I am good enough. And I want to cherish them, to love them. And I want security, because everything here seems so unbalanced and it scares me to death. I want financial stability. And Good communication. And honesty. Honesty. Honestly. I want those around me to do whats right because that is what is right. I don't want to be surrounded in the badness and lies and cheating and all that other stuff. I want to be good and be surrounded by those that want to be good. But I dont want to be perfect, just loved. I don't want to be rich, just comfortable. I don't want to be I just don't. I want, yes, oh, how I want.

And I can't help but feel like a whining, spoiled, bratty little teenager.
But yes, I will always want more.

Places other than her eyes.

There is beauty in the highway
at night,
drawn in lines of
approaching white
and receding red.
And the lights of
the passing cities
glitter in invitation.

And I say,
art can be
unintentional
and
banal.

Beauty can be found
in places other than
the stars
and trees
and waters.

( I decide,
on my evening ride
to Kmart.)

I think this is number two hundred.

Wow.

Procrastinator.

Nothing exciting happened today. Dad drove me to Dayton to the testing center so that I wouldn't get lost in the morning. I'll probably still get lost. I worked. Mom made me no-bake cookies just the way I like them: very, very, very gooey. Yumm.

And, I should probably go to bed soon, on account of the test in the morning, but I don't wanna. I guess I will. I probably wont. Ill try. Goodnight.

Elisabeth asked why her sister had such "chunky cheeks" 

At four months old. 

Kaitlynn Anne Quinwen Burns, I believe.

I have the heavy feeling in my chest of impending badness. Where did it come from? It started when I got on the internet. Something. . . something. . .

Um, my book still hasnt come yet. Ten days is enough isnt it?

We got pictures of Kaitlynn today, and yes, I spelled it right this time. Anyway, if the computer likes me today, they should be directly above this. Maybe.

Umm. . . I have to take a long test on Wednesday. No fun.

What is this feeling?

I started a poem today, and I dont think I'll finish it:

I close my mouth
to trap the laughter there
but it spills out through my eyes
and stains my cheeks with merry redness.