I write more when I'm upset about something. I think it makes this blog look like I'm always upset about things. But when I'm happy and busy and content, I don't need the therapy that writing gives me. So I don't do it. But today, I need that. So please allow me this.
I finally moved out of my parents house. I have been free of them since July 25th. Despite all of the struggles and pain that followed, I have been free of their poison for weeks and weeks.
They taught me untrue things about myself. They reacted to me like I was the most unreasonable, demanding, judgmental, cold, uncaring, selfish, spoiled, cruel person they had yet come in contact with. They made me feel that no one else knew these things about me because they didn't have to live with me. They made me believe the lies. I am a bitch. I am hard to get along with. I do ask for too much. I am too cold and uncaring. I am demanding and selfish and spoiled and all kinds of other things.
But no more.
I have flaws. Certainly. But if I am the awful person they painted me to be, then I have exceptionally patient, kind, and forgiving friends. And lots of them.
It must not be all true.
So now that I'm working on un-believing all these lies, I have a hard time putting up with the same behavior from other people.
I am a person worth love and respect. Worth consideration.
Right now, I am angry, hurt, disappointed, and disillusioned. I have been treated with a complete lack of respect or consideration. I have been disregarded. I have been treated like I have no value, no worth at all. And I don't need to keep relationships with people that make me feel this way over and over again.
Because I DO have worth. And I DO deserve respect. And I deserve to be cherished and valued and LOVED by the people that claim to be my friends.
I don't need anything less than that. No one does.
I think I feel a little better now.