Monday, October 30, 2006

One day I'll go away and never come back.

I am all kinds of upset right now. So, if you will allow me to, I will vent.

You ask me what I want you to do about it.
I want you to take responsibility for your actions and choices.
I want you to be the parent.
I want you to support me.
I want you to turn back time until I no longer know what its like to go a week, no, even one night without running water or electricity.
I want you to pay your bills on time, before things get shut off.
I want you to make this a place I can live, so I can come home.
Thats what I want you to do.

I'm tired. I'm tired of driving hours everyday. I'm tired of doing my homework here and going someplace else to use the bathroom, shower, and sleep. I'm tired of eating out becasue the options in our kitchen are ravioli and peanut butter. I'm tired of being upset, dissapointed, and mad. I'm tired of watching you both drink and smoke while we flush the toilet with a bucket of water from your brothers house. I'm tired of being torn because I can't live here and I hate being a guest in someone elses house. I'm tired of your apathy. "What do you want me to do about it?" What do I want you to do about it?!?!?

This happens over and over again. I think its getting better, then everything goes downhill again. Whats going on here? I can't wait to move out but I cant do that until I graduate. I don't want to move in with my aunts, I would foverer be a guest, it would never be home. If I quit school, I will have the same life my parents have lived and I refuse to continue this way. I just feel like I'm trying my best to make a life for myself and I have no support. I feel like I'm going to topple over any minute and there will be nothing there to stop me. My parents act like I'm over-reacting, like they have no idea why I'm so upset.

That must be it. I'm over-reacting. I'm a completely irrational fool.

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