Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Maybe I'll sleep without the nightmares tonight.

I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. Supporting me and listening to me even when I don't follow their advice. Just being there. A phone call after a potentially upsetting situation. An ear to listen to me as I recount what happened. They take my side. And even more important, they let me know when I'm wrong too.

And I've learned again that it is much better to hear what I don't want to hear than not know at all. Not knowing is awful. And I had a lot of awful. And I still feel a little hurt, but now I feel heard. I said what I needed to say and I asked the questions I needed to ask. I feel relieved. Like that rock in my chest is finally, finally gone.

There are going to be some changes now. And I'm not exactly sure what form they will take. But I know what I want. And I know now that he isn't going to be that guy for me. We have different priorities. Very, very different apparently.

But I'm done being upset. I think I'm ready to rest.

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