Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Oh no!

On the one hand, I think that I need to let go. In my mind, I start snipping the strings that attatch me so completely and merrily skip along in the joy of my decision. This unhealthy thing is finally leaving my life.

In reality, I panic, clutching at the loose threads fraying faster and faster in my fingers. I tie off the ends and pray it all holds together. What am I supposed to do in this vacuum created by my decision. This won't work.

Apparently we can't just get rid of a thing from our lives. There has to be some kind of replacement to take up that space. I have response mechanisms that cannot be neglected until I build new responses. 

When I started eating healthy, I had to stop eating junk food while watching movies on my computer. I couldn't just stop the junk food so I stopped the movie watching too and replaced that free time with gym time. Watching movies here is hard for me because I keep wanted to eat something while I watch because I did that for so long. I haven't seen my favorite shows and I don't really know what the new movies are.

So, please excuse me if I resolve to do something with amazing certainty and then quickly backpedal into my old habits. I can't do anything quickly and I have to have a replacement.

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