Every once in a while, I read back over my old blog posts to see how far I am from where I've been. Sometimes, its not very far at all, and other times I can celebrate the growth I can see. Mostly, it makes time seem so much more tangible, a thick shroud between today and all those yesterdays.
Somehow, today is the best day of my life because its the only one I have. It doesnt matter about tomorrow or yesterday. They aren't mine to have.
But it still frightens me that I still want the things I've wanted for the last four years I've been recording. Surely, someone can't wait so long with no change. New age philosophy would tell me that wanting something so much only creates the feeling of want, so I should instead feel gratitude that the thing is coming. But its hard to feel grateful when I've seen so much time pass. So much time, and so little, right? There are years and years ahead of me. But I only have today, and I still want.