Monday, July 31, 2006

how much I love Him

I just finished watching Pride and Prejudice. Again. Now, I don't usually like the girl movies; I like science fiction and fantasy and all things completely and totally fictional. But that movie. . . I like happy endings.

This weekend was nice. I spent most of it with my family. I never had so much fun going to the grocery store. Today was one of those days that could repeat itself over and over again to my infinite satisfaction. But no, tomorrow draws nigh with its own joys and disappointments.

And I did get upset this weekend. I got very upset. I cried. And I walked away again just like I always do when I'm hurt. But I'm tired of this. I'm tired of unforgivness and suspicion. I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay as long as we don't talk about it. I'm tired having to choose sides even though everyone tells me it has nothing to do with me, that I shouldn't worry about it. I should worry about it! And I have chosen.

God has always been my joy. He has always been my peace. He has been my song and my teacher and the greatest love of my life. Lately, He has been my comfort, He has been my healer, and my provider, all these things, in ways I never understood before. I always pray that I want to know Him more, that I want a closer relationship, and now I understand that for Him to be my comfort, I need to need comfort. If He is to be my provider, I have to be in a place that requires being provided for. I have to fall down every once in a while to understand just how well, how often, how fast, He will pick me up, dust me off, and set me right again. Words cannot adequately express. . .

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