Monday, July 24, 2006

Just close your eyes and sit so still you can feel your heartbeat everywhere. That's where that happy starts.

Mmm. Delicious happiness. I like the feeling that, right now, I am exactly where I want to be. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't think I could define exactly what is so happy. I just finished a book with a happy ending. I'm not falling all over that boy anymore. And you know what? He knew I liked him, he told me he didn't feel the same, and it wasn't the end of the world, like I thought it would be. Okay. It was okay. And. . . Lets see. . . I just had a three day weekend, that was two days longer than usual. And I've discovered, again, that God always takes care of me. He always makes things better right before that panic moment. There's always the initial, "oh, that's not good". That feeling slowly builds into a more defined stress/anxiety. And then right before I freak out, so to speak, *poof*, Jesus is magic, and I'm happy again. So yeah. God is good, all the time. . .

You know, if I never needed Him, I wouldn't know how much I need him. If I never fell on my face, I wouldn't know what it was like to be picked up and dusted off. If life was never hard, I wouldn't know the God of comfort. I always pray that I want to know Him more, that I want a closer, deeper relationship. And I understand now that sometimes to know that God is peace, I need to experience chaos. To know that God is my healer, I need to experience pain. I keep falling deeper into the greatest love I'll ever know and it just gets better and better.

This is what happiness feels like.

*Note: So, I was doing spell-check and apparently I spelled "exactly" wrong somehow by switching the last four letters around and the options I was given to replace it with were: ejaculate, ejaculated, ejaculates, ejaculating, ejaculation, ejaculations. Yeah, because that's what I meant by "exaclty". Computers. *rolls eyes*

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