Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Are you moving out because I accidentally started a fire?

Remember that time Dad passed out in the middle of the kitchen and fell off the stool and we couldn't wake him up?
Remember that time I took you to the ER for an overdose because Dad left you and went to work anyway?
Remember all those times you passed out on the toilet or standing up against the counter or sitting up in your bed or even driving?
Remember when you used to steal my things and sell them at pawn shops for money to buy pills, and then I got a  lock for my bedroom door?
Remember when we were homeless and lived in a dirty motel?
Remember when I picked you up from jail? When I bailed dad out of jail? When I picked you up from jail AGAIN?
Remember when the cops came to the house looking for you and you ran out the back door, barefoot, into the snow?
Remember how you and Dad fight and scream and throw things at each other?
Remember all those times the electricity or water or rent didn't get paid for weeks at a time but you guys still got high? Remember when it was so bad I couldn't come home? Remember how I paid all those things with my credit cards and I'm STILL paying for them?
Remember when you stole money from my bank account? Again and again?
Remember when I realized that your "tired" wasn't like other peoples tired?
Remember when I discovered that everyone else I know doesn't call me a bitch, selfish, cruel, judgmental, uncaring, or all those other things you claim I am?
Remember when we got robbed by your "friends"? Remember when it happened again?
Remember when your "friends" started calling my cell phone and harassing me about where you are and where their money is? Remember when they would come to our home?
Remember when you got arrested for shoplifting?
Remember when my brother started being just like you?
Remember that time I wouldn't take you to your dealers and you grabbed the steering wheel and told me I might as well drive us into a tree? Remember how I parked at the grocery store and ran inside because I was afraid of you?
Remember all those times you didn't know who I was? Who anyone was?
Remember how you taught me things I'm trying to unlearn?

But you're right. The fire is the only reason I'm leaving.

No comments: