This break has been balm for my soul. Many times during the last semester, I thought I just could not continue. I thought surely I would fall apart and just not make it through the next day. And I thought I couldn't handle anymore. And then something else would happen. And something else would happen. But every time I thought I couldn't do it alone, I got just enough help, just enough support to continue. A few well timed phone calls. Much needed hugs. Listening ears and helping hands. I made it.
Now I feel like I've had a great release of breath. I'm okay. No, I'm stronger. And now I know things I didn't know before. And I'm happy. And its okay if things hurt so much you can't think of anything else. This passes and joy comes.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm not going to teach. I want to write. Its what I love to do. I'm not going to worry about whats going to happen to me in a year and a half; I'll worry about completing this day, this week, this month, this semester. I'll worry about trusting God more than I trust myself.
I've experienced a lot of changes in the last few months, changes in my life and changes inside myself. I thought I had it all figured out and now its different. I walked all the paths in my heart and I knew exactly who I was and why and now . . . now I have to do it all over again. Sigh.
So I don't have all the words sorted out just yet because I don't have any of the details, emotions, thoughts in order.
You know what though? He always gives me exactly what I ask for, I just never anticipate the path that takes me there.