Friday, January 27, 2006

Warning: Pointless jabbering

I was just thinking about you, even though I'm not supposed to. I told myself not to. I cannot escape the memory of you, alive inside my head. Everytime I hear that song, I think of that moment. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How can the feelings fade with time if I awaken them each morning and breathe life into them all day long? All my fairy tales shatter like delicate snowflakes in my hands. Nothing I ever plan will be enough for me. Emotion has a way of dominating logic. All my pretty words don't stack up so nicely anymore. The colors and the current are much different than they were before and I don't know where I am, where I am going, or how to get there if I knew. But I do know where I've been. I'm painfully aware of that. just like knowing that i am saying too much doesn't stop me from pressing on the keys. It is a rhythm that feels good. The keys respond and my very thoughts can materialize before me in clean, neat lines. So unlike the crooked, uneven scrawl of my pen. I try to write too fast and letters start to lose parts. Words start to lose letters. Sentences start to lose words until I have to mess of ink that only I can read. Subject to subject like skipping across stones in the water. I discovered/noticed/something that I am a visual learner. I never thought about it before. But everything has a color or a picture. I remember exactly where on the page this or that sentence was. I don't understand something read aloud to me, I have to read it myself. Its not to say that I don't learn other ways too, that is just my dominant learning style. Pictures or written directions don't help very much with driving, I do better if I just drive there myself. I remember the words to songs I haven't heard in years but I would remember them better if I had seen them written. I could go on talking all night long but of course there is no one awake to talk to.

Sarah Jo

No comments: