Sunday, August 24, 2008

Nights like tonight almost make up for how painful life is.

Tonight I spent some time at Kidd coffee watching handsome young men do magic. Normally, I'm excited about one thing, like hanging out at Kidd coffee, but tonight had three: Kidd coffee, handsome young men, magic. It was very entertaining and I got to meet all kinds of new, interesting people as well as see friends I've already made. I love the way life presents you the opportunity to make strangers into friends. Afterwards, I went out to dinner with Johnna. When we came back, some of the guys were still at the coffee shop and I wanted to stay but I wasn't sure if THEY wanted me to stay, so I left.

So I'm happy. I mean, I'm usually happy, but I'm extra happy right now. I just wish I could rewind and stay there just a little bit longer.

I'll tell you a story from work:

Me: Whats your address?
Customer: something something something, apartment G.
Me: Apt. G?
Customer: G as in 'gorgeous' *wink*


Oh, and an amazing number of people think I've flirted with them. I think the difference between flirting and genuinely being friendly must not be very clear, because I don't think I've ever "flirted" in my life. It sounds like some kind of awkward word-dance I don't know how to do. Why cant we just say, "I like you and I think you're interesting and I would love to get to know you better?" But then, I'm a pretty direct person. I'm not sure this would work with everyone. I believe there are some social rules I missed out on one day at school, like, "things you don't say to people you don't know well." Nika calls me blunt. I just don't see the point in being anything other than perfectly honest.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, never mind. More importantly, I just realized why the whole, "I like you and I think you're interesting . . . blah blah" thing wouldn't work. People flirt to see if the other person is interested as well. I just assume the other person isn't interested.

After all, I've never dated anyone. I've never held hands. I've never kissed (or anything else, for that matter.) And for most of those things, its not because I don't want to, its because no one is interested in me.

Perhaps one day there will be some guy who will be absolutely satisfied with being my first everything.

But I'm not going to think about that anymore because it makes me grumpy and I was in a good mood just a few minutes ago.

I hope you find happiness as frequently and abundantly as I do. And I hope you can survive the painful parts.

Sarah Jo!


Daan said...

Story of my life, really...
Especially the "social rules I missed out on school" part.
About flirting and being a direct person, it would be a lot easier if things were like that but maybe some 'magic' would get lost if it all went that easy.
I mean, you wouldn't get that adrenaline rush if you approach him/her for asking him/her on a date because from previous flirting sessions, you'd already know the answer.
But who am I to say that, I really am a "pussy" when it comes to to dating/flirting..
(I never dated before also)

Still I think you shouldn't be so negative about yourself.
Try to remember the happy moments, what exactly makes you think they're not interested? Maybe it's you giving them a bad impression about yourself because you have all these negative thoughts going on in your mind and you give up on them before they even get a chance to know you.

Well this was my 50 cent,
and please don't take my opinions too serious, I could be totally wrong :)

Greetz Daan

you should see the scene from a movie called "A beautiful mind", where a professor (Nash) tries to flirt with a student but he does it on a very rational way and gets slapped in the face. It's not very related here, but it's just funny :)

Sarah Jo said...

Thanks Daan, I really appreciate your comments. Most of the time, I feel like I'm just here talking to myself.

And I think you are right, I need to stop all those negetive thoughts in their tracks, because I've come to believe that things you think have a way of making themselves come true. However, I decide that they arent interested when I see the difference between the way they react to me, and the way they react to the friends I might be with.

And I'll tell you that it comforts me to know that I'm not the only one out here who hasnt dated yet. I dont know how old you are, but I'm twenty-two and its starting to make me nervous.

Anyway, thanks again for stopping bye!

Sarah Jo