Its like suddenly not having any pants.

This afternoon I thought for sure I was going to miss the bus and be late for class. I caught the bus. But on the way there I realized I was getting really stressed, getting angry with the train and the rain on the roads and the semi in front of me going fifteen under the speed limit like all this anger and frustration would somehow make the bus wait for me. Useless, right? I tried my best to breathe and stop worrying because no amount of worry would change the outcome, but it would change my mood. I think I mostly succeeded in staying calm, but I'll admit, there was a little wory involved.



My space bar randomly doesn't work and so I get things that looklike this all overmy page. Nofun. I'm just gonna go with it and not fix it when it happens.



For about the first timein my life, I find myself feeling "not good enough" about my writing. I've felt the "not goodenough" feeling in nearly every other aspect of my life, but it has never infectedmywriting. Writing has always been what I do and not something I worry and fuss over. Now I'm worrying and fussing.



I'm tired of feeling not good enough. I can't rationalize a feeling, you know? I know why I feel this way, but that doesn't make it go away. Once, during a "discussion" with Robbie, hetold me, "you shouldn't feel that way". I know that this statement would apply here, but I hate it as much now as I did when he first said it. Just not a very good argument, all in all.



So, I'm off now to do morehomework and write. I hope the writing goeswell. I'm just feeling awfully sad. I have my Grandma's visitations tomorrow night, funeral on Thursday. How can I write anything aboutthat?



Sarah Jo