Saturday, May 12, 2007

You should really read this one:

I walked into work this morning and my boss informed me that I had a letter. A letter? At work? Apparently everyone else felt the same curiosity. Who would send me a letter at work? I examined the envelope. It only said "Sarah" and then our work address. Whoever this is, obviously doesn't know my last name. I looked at the return address. "Manno" in Lebanon. I don't know anyone named Manno, and I don't know anyone in Lebanon. Perhaps a customer?
I open the letter:


Hello. I feel weird doing this, mostly because I don't usually write to
strangers I see, but also because I'm really shy.

But here I go, because when I saw you and talked to you, there felt like
there was something I couldn't ignore. I don't know how to describe it, really,
but it was there in the way you smiled, the way we flirted back and forth . . .

WHOA! Stop right there! Flirted? I don't flirt. Whats going on here? I continue reading. The letter goes on to describe in detail just how I made this person feel. Then, he describes himself. I remember him. Oh no! I remember him! (I'll tell you all about that in a minute.) Next:

. . . I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries here, but you are a very friendly and absolutely gorgeous young woman. You have a wonderful personality and I
loved the way you were "dancing" to the songs in your head. Yes, I did mention
you are pretty, and I meant it. I think your smile and your freckles are your
best attribute. There are other things I noticed, but I'll save that for later.

My hands are shaking and I think I might get sick. Really.

But I felt a nervous calmness around you. Like it was easy to chat with you,even though I was nervous and every word you spoke was like a symphony.

Oh. My. Gosh. Is he serious? Is this for real? Oh yes, he certainly is. Well, he goes on to explain what I already knew; he is currently an inmate of Lebanon Correctional Facility. He wants me to write him. He wants to see where we can go from there. He says that we can be friends "for now".

What did my co-workers say? "You should write him back! Look at his nice handwriting! He sounds smart. Maybe it's nothing serious. You know, he's just in the place for minor offenses. At least ask him what he did."

Would you like to know what he did? Because, thanks to the Internet and the information he so willingly gave me, I know EXACTLY what he did. Domestic Violence. Gross Sexual Imposition. I dont even know what that second one means, but it does sound good! And he's 32 years old! I'm not writing back to some 32 year old sex offender inmate who wants to tell me what else he noticed later. In fact, next time he comes in , I'm hiding. Thats right: Hiding.

My thoughts? Since when did being nice and bubbly mean I was flirting with someone? Now do I have to STOP being nice and bubbly around men? And why is that my very first love letter comes from a much-older criminal person? What happened to the nice young men? Dang it!

Write him back, indeed. Silly girls.

So, I remember asking what was so hard about someone thinking me to be absolutely amazing. I would like to revise. What is so hard about someone I find amazing finding me to be amazing as well. Geez. Next time, I'll clarify.

Sarah I-don't-want-anymore-letters Jo

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