Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Dear 16-year-old me:

Take a deep breath. Get comfortable. I've got some things to tell you. And some of the things are going to take longer to process than to read. Take your time here.

It's going to get better. This I promise you. And not just the kind of better where the bad things go away or get bearable or break you until a numbness settles over you like a cloak of apathy. No. You can't even imagine how much better things will get. You'll have moments where you just stop and bask for a moment in the wonder of feeling safe, happy, loved, and content. It's going to be wonderful.

But first, it's going to get worse. I won't give you specifics. I don't want fear and dread to ruin the moments in between. But it is going to get worse. This I also promise you. And there will be days you think you cannot survive. You will become a robot that goes through each day hoping for a car accident or deadly illness or something that will make the pain go away. You will shrink inside yourself as if huddling against a cruel wind. You will never be the same again. And again. And again.

But it will get better.

Let the promise of better days carry you through the ones you know you can't survive.

Let me give you some advice now:

Don't be afraid to question everything you believe. Either your beliefs will be tempered by the process or your mind and heart will be opened in beautiful ways. Always question.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Sometimes you have to make the wrong choice or love the wrong person to learn. You aren't going to ruin your life as long as you let the bad choices teach you and not break you. It's all going to be okay in the end, I know this. I hope you do too.

Anything else I would tell you could be found on the internet or through experience or they would be words that would never, never comfort you. How to make the perfect cupcakes and how to heal a broken heart and how to survive being the girl no one ever wants to date.

You are strong. You are beautiful. And in the next 10 years, you'll learn to believe it too. From someone that knows even your most embarrassing, horrible, and weak moments: I am so proud of you.

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