Friday, October 19, 2012

The things he doesn't do:

Something has slowly been occurring to me over the last couple of months. This is boyfriend-related. Bear with me (or leave, I guess?).

At first I saw all the things he does, all the things he is. And I was so excited by that. I still am, of course. But over time, I've also learned that I appreciate the things he isn't, the things he doesn't do.

He doesn't send me cryptic text messages that leave me confused and anxious. When I tell him I'm upset or confused about something, he doesn't react in a way that makes me feel ignored, needy, or irrational. He doesn't ignore me for days on end. He doesn't push me into doing, saying, or feelings things I'm not ready for. He doesn't insist on seeing me every single day and insist that he needs to see me. He doesn't smother me or, alternatively, make me feel like I'm the only one in the relationship. And then when we do happen to see each other every day for awhile, he doesn't get on my nerves or wear me down. He doesn't say things designed to eat away at my self esteem and bring me down. And, so far, he hasn't morphed into some horrible stranger, no longer able to maintain the facade of a healthy, whole human being.

I know there are more things. There are moments where I've braced myself, expecting that moment to be the one where he does or says something wrong, something awful. And he doesn't.

And I just wanted to say that I appreciate that. I notice and I'm grateful.

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