"Oh, its nothing. You don't want to hear about it."

This invisible wall between me and other people is losing its invisibleness. Or something. I'm becoming more aware of it.

People don't tell me stuff. Like, regular stuff they tell other people. They don't tell me. What do I mean by "stuff"? How should I know? People don't tell me. Mostly, maybe, about things they do that I don't do, or wouldn't do.

Umm, this isn't going well.

How can I get close to other people if they censor everything for me? And why?

Do you think I don't want to hear about it?
Do you think I wouldn't approve?
Do you think I would like you any less?
Do you think I would be disappointed in you?

If you are my friend, I want to know about all of you, not just the parts of you that are most like me. I care about you and I want to know you more.

There are so many things I want to say. I keep typing and erasing.

I'm trying my best each day to follow after God.

I don't know what I'm trying to say.
Please don't push me away.

I'm just, I'm hurt. And I don't know how to fill this space in between us. And I don't know how to be like everyone else. And I don't want to. But I don't want to be alone, here.

There are all these people around, and they think I don't notice the silence when I draw near.

Sarah Jo